If you had asked me a few months ago if I had any feeeeeeeeeeelings about turning forty I  would have shrugged back at you. My thirties have been eventful, but they have run out of steam. I’m not dreading the turning of a new leaf. It’s just that I thought I was being mellow about the forty situation. Somehow I keep finding myself evaluating stuff. Everything ends up being a turning point or milestone moment.

It all started when I lost one of my part-time jobs. I am still recovering from that blow and that was MONTHS ago. My inability to bounce back has shown me just how much I was coasting along. It is alarming to be easing up on forty and not be able to answer what I do for a living. What I do, what I want to do, what I think I should do, what I could do…

Ava DuVernay was one of the keynote speakers at the BlogHer conference in New York.  DuVernay, the woman behind the Academy Award nominated Selma, did not become a filmmaker until she was forty. Now I am meandering a bit right now, but I keep having moments of panic about career and turning forty. I need to reach out and hold on to these divots in the mountain I am climbing. Other women completely pivot their lives at 40 – and they shine. Deep breath.

This was going to be about hair, for goodness’ sakes!

One of the things I was ready to let go of this year was hair dye. I have been besties with a box of auburn for decades and I will always be fond of being a red-head. I will always identify with that color in some way, as most of the women in my family do. But as time has marched through my head the color has shifted. Once I was painting crimson dye on top of murky brown roots, but then I was covering up white hair. It seemed rude and dismissive to cover those strands of sparkle up.

So far my white hair seems to be having a party at my temples and around my hairline. I loved seeing it grow in. When I got to a point where there was enough undyed hair I decided to go to a salon. I asked them to strip out the red dye around my forehead and then match it by tone to the white hair growing in. It isn’t EXACTLY how I imagined it, but it will make new growth know it is more than welcome.

embracing white hair

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