The most succinct explanation for the bit of radio silence on my blog is malaise. Isn’t that such a, “flop down on the sofa” kind of word? It’s not been one thing, it hasn’t even been a series of things, it’s just been the living of life that has exhausted me. At nearly forty years old I have learned to batten down the hatches when I get too overwhelmed by a collection of small stuff.
The end of the school year is probably a chaotic and weird time for many people. The comforting and familiar routine starts to unravel and it can be a challenge to get a foothold on the day. Plus there’s the heat and all that annoying sunshine. Summer is not my season, not even a little bit. For whatever heat has started to become especially difficult for me. I find it suffocating and oppressive. It can take ages for me to cool down and recover after being overheated. Knowing such a recovery is hard makes me dread and panic leaving the house on super hot days.
I wrote about this at Babble, dealing with summer seasonal affect disorder a reverse SAD, and had to laugh when most of the comments/ response was along the lines of, “stop your whining!” I’d love to! In fact I would love nothing more than to stay inside for the next few months: blinds folded down blocking out the light, with a table fan blasting cool air on my face. The summer makes me crave the shut in way of life and those thoughts propel the pinwheel of my depression. Lovely, right?
The funny thing is, and seriously I still can’t believe I did this, I joined the neighborhood pool. It’s only a few blocks away from our house and has propelled W’s progress with swimming lessons immeasurably. W has been taking private swim lessons at the YMCA and come SO far. Just two months ago he was hesitant to get into a pool by himself. He has a ways to go, ever the cautious kid, but we’ve all been wowed by how hard he has worked in each lesson.
So what the heck is a lady like me doing at an outdoor pool? Floating, enjoying my kid, socializing. It seems to be the only summer “thing” I can do without getting overwhelmed. I’m guessing the cool water temps help, as well as being able to do something WITH my kid. It’s stopped me from beating myself up so much for wanting/needing to be mostly indoors. In a few days W will start summer camp and that will get us back to some more routine.
Routine! I miss you!
My summer goal was to attend school while W was at camp during the day, but then I discovered I had to take a math class before I could take the coding class. During the summer classes are “intensive” which means one day of a summer session is equal to three days of a regular session. There was no way I was going to take a math class like this. NOPE. So I’ll be starting classes in the fall. I am all signed up for two classes for the 1st semester and can take them while W is in school. I know need to lock in more freelance work and all that grown up stuff.
And good grief- at some point I seriously need to get back to finishing my book proposal.
W and I have the rest of this week to navigate routine-free. Our list of activities include: Lego building, battle bot designing, swimming pool visiting, math game playing, and possibly embarking on geocaching.