This month has been brutal. I’ve talked about the move stuff, but seriously, this move has been really long and tedious. Freezing cold temperatures, ice-covered roads and sidewalks, snow days – winter in general – do not make for ideal moving conditions.
The good news is that we are 100% out of our former home. I have spent time over the last several days making the old place sparkle and shine. We are so very thankful to the woman who rented to us for four years that we want to return the home to her in better condition than we found it. I walked through the house and took photos for our memory books, whispered a goodbye to every room, and thanked the house for all of the memories.
Having the task of cleaning has been a good distraction from this other thing going on in my life. A pretty shitty thing that totally took me by surprise, but didn’t exactly surprise me.
Also known as: they downsized at the startup where I have worked for nearly four years. All part-time employees were let go.
I have a lot of emotions about this. Of course. The hardest part, aside from the “you no longer have a job” part, is that I have spent the last 3+ years saving to move. And of course all of my savings are now gone with our move. I don’t regret moving or the timing of the move. If I had been let go before we moved I might have stayed put and that would have been a mistake. But not having a financial buffer, something I normally would, gives me the shakes.
Another hard part is how quickly this activates my anxiety about being a failure. I KNOW I was a great worker and that the downsizing wasn’t personal, and yet not having a job feels personal.
Of course I didn’t have a resume in order, and of course I haven’t been paying attention to the job market. It all feels so impossible, and yet I know I will turn the corner. Because, for fuck’s sake, that’s what I do. I freak out and then I turn around and get a move on.
(see how I just tried to give myself a pep talk?)
February has a tendency to bring out some fantastic doldrums in me and, well, here we are. Situational slump! As soon as we moved out of the house where I was able to bounce out of poverty and get off public assistance – Blam! Job loss.
ok, so clearly the pep talk didn’t work just yet…I’ll get there.