half birthdayI always remember my 1/2 birthday: it is one of the perks of having a holiday birthday in the winter. See that party up there? That was a TOTALLY awesome 1/2 birthday party at skateworld.

Half birthdays are this small opportunity for a bonus day of acknowledgment, reflection, celebration. I am half-way done with the year 38 and what have I achieved? What is still on my list? I could make a really good list if I was in a list making mood. Luckily I am NOT in a list making mood.

I have that right at the top of your chest anxiety. This is a busy week: W’s school schedule is changing, a dear friend is visiting from out of town and I want to make sure we meet up, I have work deadlines looming, I have taken work off on friday because it is W’s graduation day, we are going to go look at a rental property friday afternoon, oh.. and then there is June 26th.

You know, I thought it would just ease on by this year. Maybe it would have but the post I wrote last year to help me through started to get shared a lot and suddenly my inbox was filled with these really lovely and heartfelt “me too” messages. It made me realize – when it comes to the anniversary of a due date after a miscarriage you really don’t have much to effing say when it comes to when your emotional journey is over.

It also made me realize that maybe I will be fine for long and wonderful stretches of time, but not fine on a specific date or leading up to a specific date. Whatever it is, well that is just the way it is.

I fell into a pocket of sadness suddenly this afternoon. It goes up and down. I held the hand of a girl who just turned two this weekend and there was a moment where I just imagined what my life would have been like if I had also known hands that grew to age two. But I didn’t. And I am ok. The world is ok.

I celebrated my 1/2 birthday by buying some summer shoes that will arrive at some point this week. I celebrated my 1/2 birthday by writing through the funk instead of turning into it.

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