I realized something yesterday, and this is a hard thing to admit, but I am going to say it: accepting that W will be an only child has changed me as a parent. I feel like I am more present for him. Saying that makes me feel kind of shitty because was I not THERE before? Of course I was…but I think what has happened is my heart was like a balloon slowly letting air out. I was deflated and waiting. Owning my choice to just have one child has pumped my heart up to capacity and I have patched up all of the holes.
Making the choice has also really helped with some lingering depression about a ton of body stuff.
It’s all mental, it’s all the crack in the sidewalk to step over.
I am sure I will have residual moments of sad over paths not taken, but who has time for that? I am really happy with how things are in my life. Mom and I are still saving for a home and now hope to make that happen in a year. W will go to a great and involved kindergarten. blah blah blah OWN THE GOOD STUFF!
Now to get back to work on the life stuff I had tucked away:
• my health
• clearing clutter (aka baby stuff)
• taking some classes
• omg… dating? WTF IS THAT?!