turquoise in natureYesterday morning I had a planning call at work. I was thankful for the fast paced nature of the call because it didn’t allow me to fret about the looming mid-day appointment at all. Until it was time to get on the road, then my noggin was filled with all kinds of ridiculous crap. It didn’t help that everything was so foggy yesterday. I slowed my drive time down and focused on traffic as I meandered through unfamiliar streets. Usually I would blast Tom Petty to calm the nerves. For some reason my anxiety likes to dance to his Wildflowers album. Yesterday I needed to focus on the thirty minute drive to the hospital. It was like this ridiculous pin-ball machine of chaos between the fog, my thoughts, and the POT HOLES.

I pulled up to the jumbo women’s hospital and marveled at all the available parking spaces. The nurse at the front desk of the doctor’s office greeted me with a, “hey! I know you!” I smiled. She was one of the great nurses who had been at the other office during the first big snow. The waiting room was divided like a T-intersection. She gestured towards the empty right side of the top of the T and said I could go sit over there. I glanced over at the left side and saw several largely pregnant OB patients waiting. I mouthed, “thank you” to the nurse, she nodded, she remembered.

I didn’t feel mopey about the pregnant women. Once upon a time I was one of them. An older women walked into the office, signed in, looked around the waiting room, and then decided to sit next to me. We both pulled out iPads and began reading our books.

Several minutes passed, just when it was starting to feel tedious a door opened in the waiting room and my name was called. Weight, height, blood pressure. Has anything changed since we last saw you, do you need to have a talk about birth control or painful sex?

The doctor was in the room and I signed a consent form. She explained she wanted to do the biopsy and get the sample to the lab and then we could go to her office and talk. After she confirmed I didn’t have any allergies to iodine or shellfish she asked, “and did you take anything for pain?”

Um. What?

“You should have been given a prep list. We suggest everyone take pain medication before this procedure as it does hurt.”

Well SHIT. No. I did not have a prep list and I had not taken any pain meds. The only prep I had done was my own typical lady town exam prep: shower and avoid coffee. I could feel myself panic. My threshold of pain is a joke. I was screwed. The doctor asked if I wanted to reschedule for a D & C next week. She would be able to get more of a sample and I would be under general…no pain!

No. I was there. I had W taken care of. My job had given me some time to have this done. And then, omg, how much would that even COST?! So we agreed to proceed, with the understanding that if more samples were needed I would have to have a D & C.

I put my head on a pillow that appeared as if by magic on the exam table, I scooted down, and it began. It was horrible. At one point I felt like I was going vomit from pain. I can tell you that it felt like someone took a fondue fork and pierced me. Then the doctor said, “this next part will pinch.” FUCK. OMG. Brutal. Beyond.

The next thirty minutes were a blur.

And then I was in the doctor’s office and we were going over the ultrasound results. I’ve got a pretty large and oddly shaped cyst happening. But we all know cysts in lady town are normal. Very. It could be that this cyst has been here a while and that is why my cycles are truly, messed up. Or it could be this cyst just grew and it will go away in a month, as they can do. The only way to know is to check it again in a few weeks and compare the size and shape. So I will go back to get an u/s at the end of March and then see the doctor again in the beginning of April. She says she will call me as soon as she has information from my biopsy, so I won’t have to wait for those results.

I left in a bit of a pain blur and drove directly to a drug store and got pain meds.

Almost 24 hours later and I am still in a lot of pain. It’s not like a menstrual cramp, it’s much worse, and it is REALLY annoying. How’s that song go? I haven’t got time for the pain…

I’m going to file all of this away in the, “to be concerned when told to be concerned” category. It’s a bit stressful to wonder, so I am going to try to stop wondering. Good luck with that, right?

{I love the original of “Don’t Fade on Me” so very much, but this cover is beautiful.}

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