fire truck at home depotJust a small note, more to remind myself when I look back next year, do NOT play up the 1/2 birthday so effing much. W woke up expecting a party, cake, and gifts. I take partial responsibility for this as I have been very much WOOOO about the 1/2 birthday as soon as I realized he was literally counting down towards the day.

Jen reminded me that W is just a kid who assumes every holiday is about him. When you are 4, EXCUSE ME, 4 and a 1/2, I am guessing this is par for the course.

I do love a good milestone and it has been selfishly nice to have something fun to look forward to. Otherwise my brain very swiftly goes to the “four years ago my grandmother was dying” place. I do not intend to wear my grief like a blanket today or tomorrow, or even this week. She would be furious to think of me moping of her behalf. It’s just that my mind flashes to the days leading up to her death, how different she looked, how quiet the world was, how I had no idea what was about to happen with the rest of my family. The death of Millie is also a reminder of the disintegration of remnants of family we still had in Alabama. Time has not healed a wound as the limb was simply cut off.

See? MUCH better to talk about celebrating. And OMG do not dare suggest that pancakes are, in any shape or form, kind of like a cake. While pancakes are, in their own special way, very wonderful, they are NOT cake. I have been put on notice.

(My Mom took this photo of W yesterday after they built a fire airplane together.)

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