yellow flowersSchool transitions have gone just great for W. He loves the new structure of his day within class and he enjoys that we have a set list of activities that we will do together in the afternoon. The only person who is struggling with change is yours truly. I am caught in this tender middle section of life where I am ready to make big life changes and yet when it comes to how I am stalled out.

I can say it over and over again: we need to move. We must move. But all of the STUFF that has to happen before a move is possible is overwhelming. I get fixated on finding creative ways to work more and earn more in order to save more. The last two months that hard work paid off and I was awarded with bonuses that immediately went into savings. This month I am exhausted so the extra oomph I was able to push into things just isn’t there. The overachiever in me is annoyed about that, but it feels good to be able to let it go and cut myself some slack.

Probably didn’t help that I started the month with another cycle of OMG MAKE IT STOP in lady town. I am very (VERY) relieved that the provera has helped me, um, normalize. Even though it still sucks that there are 10 days of hell to endure before taking that first provera of the cycle.

I do feel like I am pushing a giant rock up a mountain most days. Some days I don’t even know what the rock is but I just keep pushing.

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The shittiest part of this week so far: getting a letter from my fertility clinic inquiring about the delivery of my baby. Because according to THEIR records I had a successful FET in October, 2012. They would just love to know the baby’s name, although that is not required.

FOR FUCK’S SAKE. How about you look at the next page of your records and see for yourself how my delivery was…sigh.

Honestly, I am seriously relieved this kind of letter came now (if it was going to come at all) instead of around the actual due date. I am in a place where I can get such a thing and react with a, “WTF” instead of spiraling into a cave or mourning. I was going to simply rip up the letter and toss it with my coffee grounds, but after thinking about it I do believe the clinic should hear from me about it.

I know clinics use this information for SART and the CDC, but it can’t be that difficult to cross check this kind of information. I would get it if my miscarriage happened later while I was totally under the care of my OB, but it happened while I was still being seen at the clinic.

The best part of the week so far: I joined an 8 week fitness challenge. I have very much fallen off of the work out wagon. My weight continues to slowly decrease so hurrah for that, but I imagine things would be more exciting in weight loss if I was more proactive. This fitness challenge is amongst friends, there are serious spreadsheets involved, and boxes to check off. It just started this week and already has been motivational.

Nothing like seeing ZERO in the “workout minutes” box to motivate!

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Stuff I wrote this month elsewhere:

• The post about what it was like working as a regular extra on season 22 of Saturday Night Live
The Project Runway spoiler post (seriously, don’t click if you don’t want to know about fashion week)
• The post about movies that started as books

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