Last week someone sent me a couple interview questions about single motherhood for an article. They were interested in advice for someone who might be thinking about taking the leap. After I poured my guts out into little sound bites via e-mail they wrote back requesting an image to go with my advice, which “may or may not end up as part” of their article. I dove into my photos and found a couple that were perfect, but while I was in the photo files I stumbled into the old world.
So long ago. So far away. My son and my Grandmother.
Have you ever become lost in a photograph? Honestly it is so surreal to look at this image. I see all the work that I put into creating my son and all the love I put into caregiving. I know that a month after this photo was taken my Grandmother dies. I know that two months after this photo was taken my Mother and I start looking at homeless shelters.
But I also see Millie really seeing my son. She is aware, alert, sharp. Seeing her like this makes me wish she was here to see W today. She would delight in him so much.
Two days ago I taught W how to play Go Fish. With so many horrible heat days we have not been able to go to the playground and finding fun things to do inside has been our challenge for the last week. I found a deck of Go Fish cards that were super cute with large numbers and eye-catching fish. (it’s the set from Peaceable Kingdom) I taught him the game in the morning while he ate his breakfast and in the afternoon he was ready to play.
There were many times where I grappled with this new feeling, “should I cheat??” Meaning should I cheat in his favor allowing him to win? In the end he genuinely beat me in the first game. When we played the 2nd game that same internal question came up again…should I stack the deck?
W and I have played many other games before and he has lost many games before. Sometimes he is a horrible sport. I was worried if he didn’t win a couple of rounds of Go Fish he wouldn’t be interested in the game and would never play again. The 2nd game ended as a tie and he was not very pleased about that.
“How about we play again and this time I win the game, Mama.”
I mean what do you SAY to that? “Sorry, kid. Welcome to life lessons 101.”