How did the people in your life react to your decision?
Someone once told how you present news is how people will receive news. So if you say, “GREAT NEWS! I’m going to have a baby!” People realize it is, indeed, great news. All of my friends and family know I am single – and most of them knew I was trying to become a Mom. Five years of trying is not something you can really keep under wraps.
“It’s just us.” Is what I say now. If someone remarks on my son and says, “oh I bet his Father is tall too!” I just smile. (and if I feel comfortable I share more)
How did you prepare (emotionally, financially, domestically, logistically) since you knew you’d be having and raising this child on your own?
The greatest advantage I have is while I am, indeed, a single mother I have never felt like I was raising my son solo. I have amazing friends a phone call or e-mail away should I ever need advice. But the only way I am truly able to be the kind of mom I want to be is because of my own Mother. Ever since my Mother and I moved in with my Grandmother we have lived in a multi-generational home. I was able to stay at home and be a caregiver to my Grandmother because my Mother worked full time. When I was pregnant with my son my Grandmother went with me to every OB appointment I ever had. She was holding my hand when I found out I was going to have a son.
My Grandmother passed away when my son was 6 months old and my Mother and my son and I continue to live together – it is the only way I can imagine making my family work.
What have you said to your son about his father?
It hasn’t been a subject that has come up. We are still differentiating between Bert & Ernie. When it does – I plan on being incredibly open. I used an open donor to conceive W. This means when he turns 18 he has the option of being in contact with his donor. I also know there are half siblings created from this donor who are listed on the donor sibling registry. I plan on presenting all of this information to W and letting him tell me how much or how little he wants to be involved. He has options.
Adding:Now that W is older we have started to talk more about father vs donor vs parent. He is very aware of different family units. This will be ongoing.
Are you interested in having more children?
Yes. I would love to try for one more child. I am incredibly lucky to still have some frozen embryos and hope it won’t take as long the 2nd time!
Adding: ha ha ha ha ha
What advice would you give to other women who are interested in having children this way?
I have been blogging about my path to creating motherhood for many years now. Through the years I have gotten several e-mails from readers who are much older and they all say they wish they had just taken the leap.
It really IS a leap. But if you have been thinking about this? Go for it.
One of the (MANY!) reasons why I am so happy I had my son this way is because I know once being a Mom was on my mind it was going to be at the front of my mind. Bringing that into any dating relationship is hard. I also didn’t want to meet someone great and find out they didn’t want to have kids and surrender this dream.
Now I am a woman who has a son. I can not wait to meet a wonderful man who is ok with that. Of course I would have loved to have gone a more traditional route in life and met someone, got married, and had a baby. But traditional doesn’t always happen. Sometimes you just have to make your own story happen.