turning four: this mama thinks about the dayI wasn’t expecting to get so emotional yesterday. It’s a wonderful thing to have a vibrant and healthy kid that is growing and thriving and amazing. And yet there was this nagging sadness hanging around my heart. The deeper he gets into kid-hood the further away he is from, well, babyhood. I think letting that era go is letting go an era of my own life and that is probably what is emotional for me.

Isn’t the heart funny? The silly things that we cling to? The odd familiar. I know infertility. I know trying and failing. This growing up stuff? TOTALLY new world! And what a world it is.

Mom and I worked hard to make W’s birthday special and memorable. We have the lovely tradition of the Birthday Fairy that we all enjoy. I also decided to get creative with W’s cake this year. (more about that later)

I wonder if I overdo it because it’s just us. Just the two of us to make this day shine for this darling boy who is at the center of our worlds. There are no other Grandparents, no other parents or step parents, no aunts, uncles, cousins. We are a compact unit. And we are grand! But on days like birthdays I fret. Will he feel the gap? Will he start counting gifts and not feel like it measures up to what his friends experience? I am ridiculous to worry about this at this point. RIDICULOUS. Oh how I know this.

And yet, here it is.

It’s here because I felt it when I was growing up. Not a lot and certainly not often. But there were occasionally moments when I would observe other kids experiencing an abundance of love or family and I would be envious. But envy happens in all flavors and shapes. I know many kids were envious that I had such a great friendship with my Mother.

File all of this under single mother, small family stuff. Yadda yada and all of that.

He is four. He has opinions and strong emotions. He has a sense of humor that makes me proud. He sucks at knock knock jokes but I know he will get better because he keeps at it. He cares about people, genuinely. If he sees another kid, big or small, take a tumble at the playground he is quick to rush over to find out if they are ok. I love that about him. He holds the door open for everyone and sometimes it takes him a long time to hoist a heavy door open but don’t you dare try to help him because, well, just DON’T.

His number one goal is to hit his head on the light fixture on the ceiling in the dining room. He will try almost any food if he is convinced it will make him bigger. “Just one bite.” And then immediately he would proclaim, “Mama! I got bigger!”

Being W’s parent is the greatest joy I have ever known.



I had this idea that I would put a W inside the cake. Like a surprise! In every slice! I was up all night Friday trying to make the magic happen and, well, let’s just say it was a learning experience. HA! I am pleased that in some light you can kind of see a W. And I am also pleased that W seemed pleased that the cake was many shades of pink. As for the taste? meh. Dense and not so tasty. In other words the perfect cake to have in the house for someone that is working on getting back into shape.

Photos from the day will be up tomorrow. (cake too!)

photo credit: gavinzac via photopin cc

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