Yesterday morning was my ‘WTF happened’ and ‘WTF do we do next’ call with one of the RE’s on my case. I like that I have multiple doctors involved. It makes me feel special. (really it’s just that one doctor is on leave but still wants to be involved-ish)
The call happened in the middle of horrible, awful, no good, very bad thunderstorms and I thought, “but of course!” A torrential rain pour was the perfect soundtrack for a call that I had high anxiety about.
We began by talking about how I am feeling (ok), if I had any lingering issues or side effects from the methotrexate (nope), and what did I want to do (have a baby, please). I was informed that many patients go through the epic long bullshit of an ectopic and decide that they don’t want to try again. There was some silence and then I quickly said, “well that’s not me. Let’s do this!”
(OBVIOUSLY I understand how someone could be so incredibly destroyed after an ectopic pregnancy. I feel like the zombryo was a misfire from the start and I have been ready to move on since the day of my 3rd beta. I know many women have much more of a difficult emotional journey so I am not trying to make light of anyone’s choice — but simply stating, for me, hoping to try again was the ONLY thing getting me through.)
Back to the call…
The first order of business, and this is no surprise, is that I need to have an HSG performed. I dread this, but understand this. There might be a reason why an ectopic happened and an HSG could show what that reason is. Or it could show that things are fine and what happened was just an awful “shit happens” moment. I am hoping that things are all clear.
I was surprised that my doctor went on to say that if they did find something going on with my tubes that I should consider having them removed. I do not need them to achieve pregnancy. This was kind of a bold statement and I stammered a bit. Her response was a pragmatic, “Look – many women panic and think if they have awful results from their HSG tests that they won’t be able to have a baby. I just want you to remove that thought from your head.”
Cost is a factor right now and I am waiting to hear back about a clinic in another state that performs HSG’s for a very reasonable price. My doctor would read the test and then based on findings we would go from there. Hopefully “there” is an embryo transfer.