Once upon a time, on a Mother’s day in the 80’s, my Grandmother gave me a toy doctor’s kit. She told me it was a Mother’s day gift for me as I was such a good Mother to my cat. (I imagine it was more that she knew gifts would be passed out that day and as a kid I would feel left out.) It was pretty mind-blowing to be that age and thought of as a Mother – but it was empowering. And special. I felt the weight of the possibility of something like a day to honor Mothers and I carried it with me as I grew and shaped my thoughts about motherhood.
W is now at an age where he knows what Father’s day is. Yesterday he brought home a craft from school – a tie decorated with tissue paper squares. The knot of the tie said “Dad” and the bottom said “love, W”. I pulled the craft out of his backpack and W looked up and said, “it’s for Daddy’s but I made it for YOU!” And he was so proud – as he should have been as it was a great art moment.
That memory of receiving a gift on Mother’s day flashed into my mind and I smiled – I decided that I would get W a gift for this Sunday. He knows that his family doesn’t include a Dad at this moment but I want him to know that if he decided to be a dad and is lucky enough to experience Fatherhood that there is a day that will celebrate it. I want W to hear about great Dads and traditions with Fathers – and I don’t think hearing them will necessarily make him feel excluded. I hope that they will be inspirational, aspirational, muppetational (sorry. couldn’t resist)
There are enough stories about absent fathers in the world. I could tell my version and I am sure many of you have your own history, but I don’t want that to muddy up the waters of my child’s future. I am the Mother of a son; a son that I hope very much will fall in love and be loved. A son that I hope will get to experience the absolute magic of parenting.
I want him to not feel that something is missing on a day like Father’s day but think about how one day he will have someone making him a tissue paper tie.