pink treesWith this ridiculous wave of warm weather (TOO SOON!) all of these outrageously stunning flowers and blooming trees are flirting and showing off in the neighborhood. W is in total delight that trees can change. “It’s a PINK TREE, Mama!!” Five seconds later…”It’s ANOTHER pink tree!” Five seconds later…”PIIIIIINK TREEEEE!!!!”

You would think the trees would be kind and gentle on my adoring son. Not so much. He is a disgusting clump of runny nose funk from allergies. He responds well to the (age appropriate, calm down) allergy meds I give him but as we all know a common side effect of allergies will always be a runny nose. And a runny nose begets a trickle down the throat situation. And a trickle begets a tickle and THAT tickle begets a cough.

And there is nothing, zip, zilch, nada that you can do for a toddler with a cough. (besides scream, “ELBOW!” at him.)

Well, actually there is one thing. A comfort thing. And after I listened to W cough and hack one night I knew he was not comfortable and not getting any sleep. I went down to the kitchen and grabbed something that I knew would ease things for him.

I tiptoed into his room and as soon as the light from the hallway hit his cheeks he was awake with a pathetic, “mommeeeeeeeeee – cough, cough, cooooough.” Poor little guy. I pulled out the spoon I had grabbed on the way up and my special fix for what ailed him: honey bear!

honey bearW had two spoons of honey (I know) and then curled up and went to sleep. I took the spoon into the bathroom sink to wash it off and decided to keep the honey upstairs just in case he stared coughing again.

My darling dearest sweet pea didn’t cough again for the rest of the night. When I woke up there was a lot of excited energy in the house. W was dancing around, Mother was dashing out the door. It was hustle and bustle time. Mother was halfway down the stairs when she called up, “have fun with the bathroom”.

So this is the part of the post where you should pull out your cell phone and start the video to get my reaction. It would have won us a billion bucks on America’s Favorite Home OMFG Videos Show. I slowly open the bathroom door, the familiar old house creak extra loud and ominous, and I behold a…

honey crime scene.

To be honest my very first thought was that the golden-yellow substance all over the floor, the sink, the tub, the ceiling, the shower curtain, the toilet was pee. And there was this moment of wonder. Of awe. Of how the fuck on earth could he have peed the ceiling and is this an appropriate trick to get us on Letterman…

When I picked up his step stool to put in the tub for deep sanitizing and saw that the substance in question did not move I realized that something else had happened. This was not pee. This was honey. This was a lot of honey.

I decided that before further cleaning up would be done an interview needed to happen so I called forth to W and kindly asked him to explain what had happened in the bathroom. For all I knew there was a very logical explanation.

Me: So. What happened in here.
W: I did honey!!
Me: What does that mean?
W: I did honey everywhere!!
Me: Why?
W: Bwah ha haaaaa!!

Yup. That happened. Now I know he learned the laugh from some awful cartoon but I almost wanted to high-five him on his fantastic execution of it. It’s an art form that not many can master and W has it down.

We team-worked the cleaning of the bathroom and I learned my lesson about not leaving honey in the bathroom. Which I am, of course, sharing with all of you. My one regret is not capturing and documenting the scene before cleaning it. All I can say is that I had JUST opened this bottle of honey before bringing it upstairs. So, yeah, just over a half a bottle was dedicated to art and science.

By the way…

Today marks my 3 year anniversary on twitter. And the only reason I know this is because some twitter bot told me. Obviously I signed up because I planned on live-tweeting W’s birth. (NOT.) I am still laughing over how I did not “get” twitter for a while. I remember making LJ explain hashtags to me and I was so worried that I would be kicked out if I didn’t use a # in every tweet. If you are a twitter person give a wave @DresdenPlaid. If you are still on the fence or still don’t get what all the fuss is – talk to me.

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