Something I have thought about lately: why do I blog? The other day I talked about when I started blogged and WHY. There was such a primal need to connect to people when I started. I rarely, if ever, left the house and my days were spent wrapped up in watching Millie decline and trying to hold on to hope that one day, some day, I might become a Mother.
I started nearly every day clicking on a feed reader and by doing so all of the lights of the neighborhood within my computer turned on. I could have a cup of coffee and hear about someone’s fun night at a rock concert or find out how someone else totally botched a pasta recipe. It was soul filling to visit other lives this way. After my soul was filled I would take a breath and then pour out my heart into the white and empty space of a blog post. Clicking publish was saying, “I was here.”
All any of us really wants is a witness to our lives. Proof. I lived. I achieved. I failed. I vacuumed. And by telling you I have made you accountable for my life – on the dotted line of the document of existence.
Blogging made me accountable and it inspired me to DO. I had to go beyond routine if I wanted to find something interesting to write about.
Sharing about what it was like to be my Grandmother’s caregiver was therapy for me. I had to let those feelings fly out of me so that I could welcome the day, welcome my Millie each morning with a fresh start. I wrote about my fertility treatments because I wanted to remember every pill, every needle, every scan, every cry that it took to become a Mother. I reread some of my earliest posts now and I want a time machine just so that I can leave myself a small hint – “he will be amazing!”
I wrote through early Motherhood so that I would have something to keep me grounded. I was in a haze for months and if I didn’t have the personal directive to place my fingers on the keyboard and type I would have become a vapor of fog.
Writing about Mother losing her job and what followed was like Tubthumping: I got knocked down, but I got up again. See? Watch me keep writing through all of this awful shit. BRING IT. I will survive, yadda, yadda, and *click* publish.
Have you heard about the relationship of Coronula diadema and the humpback whale? These tiny barnacles seek comfort and food on the skin of whales. Only the barnacles really benefit from this, the whale isn’t bothered one way or the other.
I feel like I am the barnacle to the whale of my blog. I attached at a vulnerable moment and now that we are in deep, deep oceans I feel safer and secure. I am fed because of the whale. I am on an adventure because of the whale. I am growing because of the whale.
So let’s talk about you. Whydo you blog? Do you remember why you started? If you have blogged for a while – what keeps you going?