My bloodwork and ultrasound results are in from last week and I am cleared for take off on the rocket ship that is a frozen embryo transfer cycle. I can schedule my FET for my very next cycle. Which, wow, that’s kind of huge.
In doing the lady town math I realized that “next cycle” would be an incredibly stressful time for me to coordinate anything. So I easily let February go, it’s such a tiny little month, and decided to set my sights on March. This makes me feel in charge, one of my most favorite things, and that is a great place to start.
I then did something that I haven’t done in over 3 years: I googled due date calculator and pretended I lived in a world where people get pregnant just because they want to. After I entered the date for my probable cycle for March and clicked calculate I looked at the due date and had to chuckle. Very funny. December 24.
Do you even realize how ridiculous my next thirty minute fantasy was? How I allowed myself to day dream about such a gift? How I laughed because W talks to me daily about “his plans” for his baby sister. He is certain that he will be a big brother, certain that he will have a sister, and after I explained to him that IF he had a sister that we could not name her his first name because then it would be very confusing he decided that his sister’s name should be, “Mommy”.
I can close my eyes and see this family.
It makes things hard and emotional to have more hurdles than the average person, but I also know that I am very lucky that I am able to be making these leaps.
March is just a month away. I am doing my best to breathe into each day and embrace the optimism.