When we lived in Florida I used to use the afternoon when respite care came to go to an old and mostly hidden graveyard. Tucked between the collapsing and crumbling headstones were breathtakingly huge camellia bushes. I would park the car in the shade and hone in on the most vibrant of pink blooms and photograph them. It made me feel grounded to document the flowers.

One day I became entranced with an ant climbing across the edges of the petals of one of the palest of pink camellias. It was the most complicated and difficult way to travel on its journey and with each breeze it would tuck into a crevice and then return to its path. I have no idea where its final destination was but I believed completely that this ant would make it.

ant on a camellia

“Do not wait until the conditions are perfect to begin. Beginning makes the conditions perfect.”

I know, totally a bumper sticker phrase, but it has been something that has been pinging around my brain for a while. There is probably never going to be a perfect time for me to try to have another child. But I decided to begin, and in my gut? It feels perfect.

This morning, after I dropped W off at school, I made the call to the Northeast clinic to get the ball rolling on an FET in late Winter/early Spring. It’s nice to not be an out-of-town patient, but because “so much” time has happened between my IVF cycle in 2007 I will be treated as a new patient. I am fine with that as I never actually met a doctor while I was an out of towner.

My number one goal is that I want to be as chill as I possibly can about this. There is some relief that we probably know the reason for my unexplained infertility issues (oh yes, I am looking at you wonky thyroid!) and at the end of the day I have this amazing son in my life.

My doctor consult is at the end of this month and I am pretty giddy about it. It’s been a while since I blogged about lady bits so I’ll ease you in gently.

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