six-feet-tallThe long awaited (not really, but it felt like it) doctor’s appointment was this morning. The doctor was an affectingly gruff old man who delighted in pointing out the number of freckles I have. “Wow. You have freckles on your back too!” Um. Yes, yes I do. He went through the regular exam stuff, asked the regular questions, and within the answer part he held up his hand to stop me, “Look. You haven’t had your labs tested in almost a year. You thyroid people need to call us as soon as you get off because we need to check on you.”

I’ll have the labs back Monday but this, “I’ve seen everything” doc basically connected every dot to my thyroid. I hope the labs back it up because it would be glorious to simply have an increase in dose of a pill that I am already taking to get on the track to feeling better.

So, yadda, yadda, thyroid.

The horror story of my day is what happened BEFORE I saw the doctor. It happened after the nurse told me to stand against the wall and she jumped on a chair next to me and measured my height. She jumped down and said, “seventy-one point five!”


She took me to the room where she could draw my blood and finish my vitals or whatever that phase is called. I was in shock. Total shock. As she took my blood (remarking that I didn’t even flinch – which of course brings out the sharing of the gajillion times I have had my blood drawn during fertility treatments) I said, “do you think you could check my height again because I’ve always been a 72, sometimes even a 73.”

We walked back over to the wall and I imagined a cord pulling my spine up and thought about Liz Phair and being six foot one and willed my world to right itself.

“Nope! Still 71.5.”

You guys I haven’t been under six feet tall since the summer before 8th grade. What the hell happened?! Who am I?

So much of my identity is wrapped up in the sort of quirky uniqueness of being six foot of me. It took me years to embrace my height (I used to say I was 5′ 12″ because the idea of saying six feet was just AWFUL!! OMG!!!!) and now my height, my glorious height, is gone.

Look I know that being 5′ 11″ is fucking tall. I KNOW. But it isn’t as much of an exclamation point as six feet.  I had gotten used to the exclamation of my height. For fuck’s sake I actually had incorporated my height in some of my bios! I just don’t measure up anymore.

{funnily enough when I was typing “under six feet tall” I suddenly thought: I’d rather be under six feet tall that six feet under.}

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