Sometimes I believe in coincidences and sometimes I forget to. Early last week I got a letter from the practice that I had selected to be my primary care doctors on my insurance. I selected this group because they were in the same building as W’s doctors. Yup. That was the only reason. I wrote the name down, forgot about it, and so did nothing about it.

The letter I got from them was kind of amusing. Basically it said we noticed you claim us as your doctors but I bet you couldn’t pick us out of a line-up. Why don’t you give us a call so we can meet and do that whole establishing of care thing. Cute, right? I put the letter in the growing “to-do” pile and made a mental note to call them…some day.

Last Friday I started to feel sick-ish. Not quite a cold that has been going around, but most definitely the beginning fatigue that you might notice as the preamble to a flu or something. I pushed through my day and night. I continued to add things to my to-do list and I tried to get things done.

Saturday morning I couldn’t wake up. I could hear W chirping in his room and I could hear Mom stirring about. My eyes opened but I couldn’t move. I felt like I was chained to my bed, I didn’t even have the ability to raise my head.

I managed to get up but moving, standing, opening the door the hall felt like it took hours. I felt like I was in slow motion underwater. Heavy.

It took me a while to realize that what I was dealing with was massive fatigue. I recognized that I could not do any of the things I wanted to do over the weekend (and these were HUGE things, things that I can’t get a do-over on) so now on top of feeling horrible physically I felt emotionally awful for not being there for friends.

Fatigue is such a fucking LAME LAME LAME sort of sick because you aren’t sneezing or coughing or gushing blood from a head trauma. It’s not physical but it is totally physical. And it feels so horrible to be made immobile because of it. Explaining it feels weird, like any minute someone will say, “oh just get OVER IT!” I would rather be in crutches or have some super obvious “thing” that I could point to and say. “that! That is where I am sick.”

Instead I just push and push and push through as much as I can and try to ignore the headaches and the cement feet. And then one day I find that I physically can not move because I am so tired.

I don’t know what is up but my go-to place to start is thyroid. It’s been over 6 months since I have had my levels checked and I’m guessing it is time. I forget that I have thyroid disease all the time. I only really face it when my internal thermostat is acting up. It’s easy to point to my wearing short sleeves in 50 degree weather and say, “thyroid”. But there is more to it.

Looks like I will be calling some doctors this week. (Now just to hope that I don’t have to wait forever for a new patient appointment.)

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