vintage coffee adI was trying to think of a way to describe the kind of taffy-pulling-super-stretched-every-which-way my days are going lately. Then I looked over at my coffee. It’s my 2nd bowl of coffee (you know, one of those giant mugs that are essentially a bowl with a handle) but I poured it at 11:00am. It is now just after 1:30pm. For this very reason I have taken to just putting the pot of coffee in the fridge after I pour the first cup – I’m all about embracing the cold and tepid.

{pausing to take a sip}

Oh, and before I forget. What are those little doo-hickeys called up there? The fancy bracket thingies? It feels like within the last year or so people are using them all over the place and there has to have been an actual, grammatical reason that they were created. I’m in full on lemming mode with it because, aw shucks, aren’t they just pretty parenthesis?

(snore)

{pretty}

As I count down to Fall (OFFICIALLY ONE WEEK AWAY!!) I realize how much my life has changed. Two years ago my life, my family’s life, was so different. Millie was alive but slipping away swiftly. And then one year ago we still had no idea when we would ever land on our feet again. Mom was just in the beginning of her interview process of what would (thankfully!!) become her job here in Philadelphia. [oh, those photos still take my breath away from that post]

And now I wake up in a life where W sings to me from his beautifully and lovingly created room, my Mother has a job she enjoys, and I have a work schedule of my own that sometimes is SO hectic that I am dizzy. We are lucky. So lucky.

But I can hear about someone losing their job or losing their home – in real life or in a plot to a tv show- and immediately go back to the memory of that dark emotional pain. It’s interesting – there are so many different hurts in our lives and they all have such a distinct essence to them. There are notes that are similar, ripples that feel familiar from one hurt to another, but it always goes back to the specifics.

• The hurt of not being able to be a parent on your own time-line is a specific hurt.
• The hurt of watching a loved one forget herself is a specific hurt.
• The hurt of witnessing your Mother surrender her self-esteem is a specific hurt.
• The hurt of not knowing whether or not you will have to live in a shelter or your car is a specific hurt.

I imagine every one of us has a list of specific hurts. The powerful thing about that is realizing that each hurt is a potential link to connect you to someone else.

One of my favorite Tom Petty songs is You Don’t Know How It Feels. (oh man I love the entire Wildflower album) The song is simple. Essentially Tom is letting us know that we don’t know how it feels to be him. I think most of us run with that kind of soundtrack in our head. You don’t know me, you don’t know this pain, this hurt.

But we do. We see someone in our twitter stream talking about a spouse afraid they will lose their job. We see someone helping an elderly person into a car. We see a woman alone at a coffee shop and hear her sigh when two pregnant women walk by to use the restroom.

The trick is to find the way to connect with each other. To hook into each other. To help each other through. How do we do this?

Of course all of this is jumbling around in my head because of the recent coverage of the anniversary of September 11th. In remembering what that day was like in my own life what really stood out was how all of my friends and I basically grabbed on to each other within our fear and our pain. I imagine I could talk to any one of you about that day and know part of the essence of that specific hurt.

All of this is a really jumbly way of getting out that I want to, need to be better about connecting to people when I clearly see that I know what they are going through. Sometimes just having someone say, “I get it”, is helpful and I can be better at that. Maybe we all can.

i'm not here

Other places I am this week:

(Links to be added when posts are live)
• Wednesday the post I wrote about the Daddy Dilemma will be up on BlogHer. I’m curious what the comments will be there (gulp, if I get any!)
• Wednesday I will have a post up at Aiming Low about new fall television shows
• Thursday the farewell to my alias post will be up at BlogHer

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