Day Four: What has most surprised you about being an adult? What have you learned about yourself through blogging?

Like I am sure many of us did, I had this VERY specific plan that just as soon as I became an adult that the keys to the world would be given to me and all the trials and tribulations of my youth would vanish. I would be able to stay up all hours of the night, eat whatever I wanted to eat, go wherever I wanted, wear whatever I wanted, and of course I would have heaps of money and I super awesome and fancy house and hard-wood floors. Oh yes, adulthood meant quality parquet.

The irony is that I managed to achieve nearly all the desires that I dreamed of as a little girl. As an adult I very much eat what I like, and I endure the consequence. I can go wherever I want (just as long as W is not napping or I have arranged for Mother to watch him). Lord knows I wear whatever I want- and this isn’t really a good thing. Hard wood floors have come and gone in my adult life and I was right to prefer them.

Really it is the financial security, or lack of it, that I think my childhood self would be the most upset about.

I grew up on the generic food aisle. My Mother worked so hard to give a stable life for us but for as long as I can remember I was aware of money and the anxiety of not having it. I absorbed financial stress and carried it around with me all day, every day from elementary school and all the way through college. That was just our way of life, and I’m not saying it was a bad way, it’s just what it was. I know I am not the only child of the 70’s and 80’s that did without because their parents were struggling to make ends meet. I also know I am not the only one that fretted about it daily.

But I had always hoped that by the time my magic moment of adulthood had manifested that if I was coupon clipping I was doing it because it was a good thing to do, not a MUST DO. I have very specific financial goals for myself and I hope that W is able to thrive within them. He’s two but I already worry about the day that he will ask for something and I will not be able to give it to him because I can not afford it. I never wanted that life as an adult, and I certainly never wanted that life as a parent.

Through blogging I have learned that all of the things that I dread and fear and worry about are MUCH more tolerable if I voice them.

Happy 4th of July!

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