The walking thing is amazing. And I promise I will continue to be amazed by it. It still catches me off guard to see him at his full height moving around. It really is like he is a brand new person.
But here is where I confess: I really don’t know him anymore.
This new W is louder (if possible), he is more aggressive, more combative, more insistent, more offended, more moody, more into everything, and not really into me and at the same time how dare I think about leaving his sight? He is all of a sudden so complicated to understand and oh my goodness I so want to understand him.
Which makes me think of that line from Alice in Wonderland where she tells the cat that she can’t explain herself because she is not herself (you see).
So rationally I can step back and see that he is flopping about because he has no way to fully understand himself right now much less a way to explain his needs properly to me. But in the thick of the flop I want to be able to help. Instead I am just a frustrated Mama trying to keep her baby from giving himself a major head trauma as he flings himself across the room because I won’t allow him to eat a dog leash or hit the dog.
Oh yes. Hit the dog.
This is where I go, “OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK!!!” Is the answer really pulling him away from the dog a bajillion times and saying, “gentle” or “no hitting”? I need big time help with this.
[Also– can someone tell me what is going on with the poop. Sorry- I just went right to the poop talk without any sort of warning. It’s consistent with teething poop, but teething poop hasn’t lasted this long before. Is this just another thing that happens as he grows??
Or is it because he will only eat bananas, cereal bars, kefir and cheerios? Basically I am missing solids. If you know what I mean. When are they coming back? How can I get them to come back?]
I am juxtaposing all of this toddler angst with photos from yesterday when he had his first ginger snap cookie. (I was hoping the ginger would help with poop. It just changed the color.)
More than anything in the world I want to raise a kind son so I won’t lie- these aggressive moments make me gasp a bit. I know so much of who we are is already wrapped up in the fibers of our DNA but if I can put him on a smoother path I want to do that from the beginning.
I am not prepared right now and hate that my reaction when he does something like take a book and whack the dog is to YELL. Obviously that isn’t working, and even if it was- it’s not what I want to continue doing. Nor do I want to wrap him up in a fuzzy sweater and not introduce consequences. I just didn’t realize that consequences needed to be taught now. Which seems so la la la la of me, right? And yet I have no idea how to navigate this new territory. The one book I have on toddlers is great but it basically explains everything away with “yup! That’s normal.”
Please chime in.