But there was a moment as I was driving towards the day, a very specific moment, where I sort of shook my head and thought, “Make Note!! You are smiling!”

I had the windows down, my left arm resting in the sun, and the magical day jukebox moment happened and one of my ALL TIME favorite sing in the car songs came on the radio: The Proclaimers, “I Would Walk 500 Miles”.

I double dog dare you to not go to a euphoric place once the absurd, “ba da da! BA DA DA! Dodda dungliditty dodda dudda daaaaaaaaaah” begins.  (or as one lyric site says, “Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Da Undela Undela Undela la la”)

Of course it made me think of other driving songs and the age old battle of the bands. For example- would I want the greatest hits of The Beatles for a cross country trip or the greatest hits of The Rolling Stones? And is it really true that you can’t be BOTH a Stones and Beatles fan? You’re either one or the other. What are you? And what about the lesser known band battle: Chicago vs The Eagles.

The Eagles, “Life in the Fast Lane” is begging for a road trip, but is a weekend drive ever complete without Chicago’s, “Saturday in the Park”? Of course if I’m compiling a songs to drive to short list how can I leave off Supertramp or ABBA? Or those choice Prince songs…and maybe some Dolly…and who doesn’t love singing along to Paul Simon? or Carly Simon?

Who wins in the below battle of the “bands” (because no way am I calling Tone Loc an actual band)? And what’s on your ultimate roadtrip mixed tape?

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Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post’s poll.

And sure this particular winter in the mid-Atlantic has been one for the record books with giant snow storms and blizzards, and I am not saying I want more crazy storms…but I wouldn’t mind some nice 45 degree days with beautiful blue sky. Those are the kinds of days where I imagine I would don a soft plaid scarf and plush mittens and feel my cheeks pink up from the chill. I feel more alive in cool weather, more alert, more invigorated and inspired.

It seems more permissible to be depressed in the winter…

I am totally sad to see the temperatures for the weekend- in the 70’s. I KNOW! You can call me silly, but I am just not ready for 70 degree weather. I’m not ready to let go of winter and all that it was for me, for us. ‘Spring can really hang you up the most’. At least that is what Bette Midler sings and I believe her. It’s the end of an affair with a beautiful season. Winter is leaving me.

Will you be sad to see winter go? Or are you already painting your toes hot pink and laughing at my sad, turtleneck craving self?

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It’s spring-ish out there and as you are cleaning up your home or car or cubicle why not take a moment and spruce up your blog? No need to think about what your new header should look like as I have started that work for you. Because I really do love you. And I want your blog to be pretty! And fresh!

Everything you need to know is on that page. Please spread the word. I will be adding more headers as these are sold (she says, hopefully). And as always if you want something totally custom you can check out the main header art page.

I never even met my caseworker. All of that stupid, stupid anxiety over being judged by a man feels pretty foolish now. Except it did yield for some pretty awesome and helpful comments from you guys. This one from Clara being something that I am totally going to print out and carry around with me:

Maybe it’ll help to think that W will grow up to be a man one day (like 99% of boys) and he’ll be a wonderful and compassionate man because you raised him that way.  Just as that is possible, and very likely, it is also very possible that the man who you will meet today was raised by fabulous and wonderful parent/s and is as caring and compassionate as your W will be.

So I guess now I just wait for a letter to arrive in the mail that either says my coverage and assistance is continuing or ending. With my circumstances not changed at all I am going to try and relax and hope that all of the efforts I put into getting us some help will not fade away.

Granted I have had some not so friendly women “helping” me here, but for every eye rolling state employee I came across there was usually another one smoothing things back down and getting things back on track.

And (with the exception of my primary care doctor) I generally don’t have opinions about the sex of people that I work with. It is a total non-issue.

But the caseworker in Florida? He was just horrid. (He was the one that I had to meet with in the paternity office and he had many things to say about how W came to be. He made me feel awful.) And it took me ages to let go of all of the hurtful and unnecessary comments.

Thankfully I can no longer remember the guy’s face but one fact remains and sadly it is tinging my anxiety about today’s meeting: he was a man. So does this mean that every man that I deal with when it comes to my family will have an OPINION? It isn’t a rational anxiety, but maybe it is the one I am allowing to overshadow the other ones. Because this feels somehow safer to worry about than the other stuff- like will our coverage get an end date? Will the food stamps end?

Mother has asked to come with us and I do hope there is someone there that we can talk employment with. While she does always manage to come back to the place of hope some days are harder than others. And she is struggling with self worth and all of the stuff that you can imagine might surface when all the hundreds and hundreds of applications go unresponded to.

So we are both feeling a bit raw today, bracing for an uncomfortable morning and what will surely be a tear filled afternoon. Have case worker/evaluation stories? Bring ‘em. Or just tell me something that will distract me from constantly thinking about how bad it might be…

Meet W’s new tooth:

One of the things I loved when I lived in New York was the insanely large and chaotic St. Patrick’s Day parade. While obviously celebrating those with a touch of the Irish, I adored that it was pretty much just a long party train of “celebrate yourself”. That bagpipes play in the parade should be your first hint that nothing is totally about being authentically Ireland Irish. But for a few hours, as the crowds parading down the street outnumber the crowds standing, cheering and drinking on the sidewalks, everyone is Irish. (ahem..well not everyone according to the people that plan the private parade. tsk, tsk)

It makes me wonder about how we celebrate and or embrace other cultures and heritages. And what bit of our friends’ heritage we envy or admire. Recently some friends were getting ready for Purim celebrations and I found myself totally pining to be a part of such a cool holiday. The food! The costumes! The drama! I think I just love the idea that a person could come from a family line so rich in tradition.

I have been watching the NBC series Who Do You Think You Are and looooooving it. Ya’ll know that Grandmother was pretty much our family’s genealogist by trade and our family is incredibly lucky to have charts and records that go way, way back. But not everyone is so lucky and most people need to do a bit of digging to find their story.

The thread of the show that I really groove on is the (not always obvious) notion that the people that are on our family trees are more than just a collection of names. They have their own rich stories just waiting to be discovered. And many of these stories are mind blowing. I won’t even spoil them because if you haven’t seen the two episodes that have aired you absolutely should. (hulu, baby)

And now a question about where you are from. This list of ethnic heritages is from an archive genealogy site so hopefully it covers the world in a non-offensively descriptive way. (you can select up to 4) In the comments I’d love to know what other culture you would love to have been born into and why. Just because.

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Thursday night, just to show me that there is always a basement level to whatever “bottom” you are experiencing, I succumbed to such an evil gut bug that I was blind with pain. Gut bug decided to go to town on every part of me and it won.

I arrived at my mid Friday morning doctor’s appointment empty and a shell of a person. I contemplated canceling it because just riding in the car was a pain and I honestly didn’t know if it was the bug or this other thing.

Oh but I am much better at not caving in to the desire to shut out the world and I recruited Mother to drive and entertain W during my appointment.

The appointment was very informational. The height issue is still pretty much a WTF, shoulder shrug, thing so I am going to celebrate my increased Amazon Woman status and let any worries about that go. (the test for excess human growth hormone was all fine) I am very depleted in Vitamin D, and apparently so are you. Seriously. Turns out many, many people are these days and it is wrecking havoc on us. There is a total link between people that are depressed and people that are lacking in D. I have been put on a prescription dose that I will take for once a week for a couple of months. I call it my sunshine pill. Pale people of the world rejoice.

The other stuff we talked about was the nest of auto-immune issues that are lighting up for me. We talked about how to specifically treat the Hashimoto’s and what I can expect from the medication. I am on a synthetic thyroid medicine now with the goal to get my number to 1. I still don’t quite get the thyroid number stuff but I will learn. I go back in 6 weeks for blood work to see how things are going. I am also to call if I feel no changes. This stuff should help evaporate many of my health complaints right now but since I am taking generic there can be a wide range of pill types and not every kind works for every person. la dee da

So here is where I quietly wonder if maybe the medication is already working. I mean can it really work that fast? I still feel incredibly tired and slow, but it was easier to wake up today than it was yesterday. And to me that is progress.

This morning Mother has taken W to a little church down the road. They went last week so I could sleep (yay) and had such a nice time they decided to go again. (& then grocery shop- double yay) There is a lot of singing and a lot of kids so W enjoyed it. I’m still tiptoeing around church and faith but W is this brand new person and I like the idea of him being around joyful noise.

Today I dressed him in the suit that we had purchased for him to wear to Grandmother’s funeral. Only the tie and vest fit at the time, but now he wears it well. But I have to admit it brought back a lot of stuff to see him in it.

I think I was looking for a bigger reaction out of him. Watching a cat bathe cracks him up so you would think that the small mammal exhibit would rock his world. But he was sort of, “meh” about things. Certainly more interested in people watching or trying to get N or V’s attention.

I guess the more he becomes aware the more he will enjoy it. I wish I could promise you amazing photos but taking pictures fell behind so that I could hold W. I’ll share what I have, but I am guessing you will be most impressed by W’s new hat trick that he has mastered.