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The Groups
Begin the Beguine
The orchestra is finished warming up and the lights have dimmed. The ushers are closing the doors to the theatre and a recording chimes in to remind you to turn of your cell phones and pagers. It’s time to start the show. And didn’t I promise you all front row seats?
Welcome to The FET, a show produced and sponsored by the Uterus Brigade and The IVP.
Local clinic stuff was sorted out easily (thank goodness!) and my body responded by promptly beginning to bleed. This means that my baseline ultrasound and blood-work will happen tomorrow. And if all looks well I will begin estrogen pills tomorrow evening.
I can’t believe this cycle is finally here. So much anticipation. So much.
Your daily moment of cute:
Who doesn’t like an upgrade?
(heads up, this might be dull for some of you, but if you are currently using the ivp ring code on your blog keep reading)
A couple of years ago I decided to start a webring for all of the blogs that I noticed had a similar theme as mine. I used a site that did nothing but organize blogs into rings and slowly the collection of blogs began to build. The thing that I liked about the ring was that it linked us all together so that if someone was reading my blog they could simply click “next” and find themselves at another blog that was about alternative reproduction (more on that in a moment).
However the code for the ring was bulky and unattractive and basically a pain in the ass. The parent site of the ring also began to use that obnoxious ad code all over it. So if you were clicking through the ring the top section of your browser would drop down with a navigation bar. In addition to the name of the blog you were viewing you might find an ad for SPERM! VIAGRA! MISCARRIAGE! and other such nonsense that no one needs to have shouted at them. It was annoying at first and then it just became inappropriate.
I began a massive search for how to create my own webring but never really grasped how difficult it was. So I started getting nosy. I wanted to see what other software or sites folks were using. Many of them were stuck in the same obnoxious advertising trap that I was, but the majority of them were actually just regular old websites with a giant blogroll.
Hell, I can do that!
And so the morph is happening. The new and improved IVP webring has been created. This site is an image free, quick loading site with only a list of blogs. It is not meant to replace the infertility blogroll, but to be small and easily identifiable group.
The IVP is The Internet Vagina Posse and is comprised of women from all walks of life in all stages of a journey. The linking thread is that we are having to use alternative reproduction to create our families. I guess now is a good time to explain what I mean by that. Alternative as defined by the dictionary is “employing or following nontraditional or unconventional ideas, methods, etc.; existing outside the establishment”. So if you are trying to create your family in a way that differs from what you learned in 8th grade sex-ed put on your flannel shirt, because you, my dear friend, are alternative.
The prize of joining the ring is a small bit of swag to put in your side bar that lets visitors know that you hang with The IVP. Please e-mail or comment here for the sidebar swag code.
If you signed up to the original webring your blog has already been added but do know that I will no longer be monitoring the ring and eventually it will be eaten up by tacky 00gle ads.
Also, a little bit of a teaser, Friday will be a big upgrade for me in the appearance arena. Yes, Marta, there will be photos. And no, Jude, I am not getting a boob job.
The Prequel to the Sequel
I have one thing to say and then I want to have a conversation with you guys. Here is the statement: I am currently celebrating the (quiet) start of my period. Which, while not a cartwheel moment, it IS something that has to happen in order to get TO the cartwheel moment. That moment would be my next period. That cycle will be the beginning of THE cycle. You know the one you guys have been helping me save up towards for five+ months. Yes. THAT cycle. The FET cycle. The sequel to the almost perfect IVF (that bled away…).
And because I am going to be an obnoxious good girl (& by good I mean try to off-set any health issues that my fat ass might be bringing to the party by abstaining from caffeine and booze) this will be the last week that I will partake of the yumminess that is red wine and enjoy the alertness that is my morning coffee/s.
Since this is a new page in this chapter I decided to unveil a new look on the blog. (if you are reading me in a blog reader you are totally not getting the full effect…just saying) If you notice any glitches please raise your hand and speak up. And yes, that is what my kitty looks like. Cute as hell, right?!
Now- on to the conversation. As I have been clicking and reading along being a nacomleavmo gal I have noticed all KINDS of blogs out there that deal with the same subject differently. That subject would be talking about a cycle vs. not talking about it. There are blogs that give you the juicy facts from every angle and then there are the ones that simply say things like, “went to the RE” and then move on to talking about other stuff.
Personally I am an over-sharer. Way too much sharing. But I wonder if that is a turn off. Would you rather read ALL the details, a few choice details, or a vague shrug of the details? (sorry. NO details is not an option.)
Now don’t get me wrong, as far as blogging a cycle I expect this one to be super boring for most of you. (if you want excitement may I direct you to the Hep C scare cycle of October ‘07) I mean there will only be four ultrasounds total from start of period to transfer of the embryos day. But really I ask this for those that are going through shit times. I have been there so don’t lie. Is it going to be annoying as hell to have to read stuff? Should I put things at the end of posts? or do one of those post breaks so that if you are reading on a reader program that you don’t have to see something you are not in the mindset to see?
Just something I am thinking about. Now excuse me while I go to the store to buy a vat of wine.
Norm!
At first it felt like nothing was going on. I was just doing my little part of comment leaving (in accordance with International NaComLeavMo rules & statutes) and I didn’t feel like anyone was going to stop by my little bitter corner of the blogosphere. (I get paranoid some days. No rationality involved.) And then all of a sudden you guys started showing up. Some of you I recognize from clever & witty comments you have left on blogs I read/stalk and others of you are new “finds” & I can’t wait to get to know better.
A little back story on me (& if you are new here check out my “Who is Calliope?” page up there for the nitty gritty) I moved around a lot as a child. (10 different schools- there is no girl scout badge for that) So much so that by the time I was a junior in high school I had mastered the fine art of claiming friends. I had learned that it was an ineffective use of my time to sit quietly and wait for some kid to figure out that I was the shit- I needed to go out and make it known.
After many moves I had figured out what makes a good person and what makes an asshole- and honestly those kinds of things are pretty easy to sniff out once you know what it smells like. Assholes smell like unkindness and cruelty, they ooze mean spiritedness and suffer from a lack of the wonderful top note of humor. Good people smell like the funny pages and have parents that swear.
Of course in my early quests for the holy grail of truth and quick best friending I did some acting out. I led a rebellion at a new school in the 2nd grade which involved teaching all the girls in my class what the phrase “kick ‘em in the nuts meant”. This, by the way, would be the Baptist elementary school that friends of my Grandparents ran. I lasted there until Christmas. But boy did I make some good friends!
In 7th grade I was going to boarding school at a fine arts school in a big city in a backwards state. My desire for uber wonderful and cool friends resulted in my not ever going to class and hanging out with 12th graders from the wrong side of the tracks (aka scenic design kids). Months went by & I didn’t even realize that I was supposed to be in French class and not trying to memorize the cool quirks of the kids filling out college applications. Not so great on the friend gathering during this time.
My life now is pretty rich with friendships. I am extremely lucky that I have many people on that ever elusive “will you help me bury the body” phone tree. And in the past several years I have added many internet friends on that list. It comes hard and fast when you just KNOW that the person on the other end of a snazzy URL is quality. Usually I can tell if someone is awesome by how they write about the banal. If you can sum up an hour at the grocery store and have me pissing in my pants or weeping through my kleenex then I claim you.
Really, that is how I feel about it. Claimed. Owned. You. Yes, you. & sometimes I rush into the claiming and scare the bejeebus out of you. It’s just that I don’t really like the chit chat phase. I want to skip that & get right into the confessions of college phase.
All this is to say that if I have freaked you out with an overly enthusiastic comment I am not sorry. You will see. We will be iBFF’s in no time. Soon it will be like we are all Norm. And when you stop by I will shout your name and freak my cat out.
Making your way in the world today takes everything you’ve got.
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot.
Wouldn’t you like to get away?
Sometimes you want to go
Where everybody knows your name,
and they’re always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name
If you are reading this and it is thursday please Make it a New Day.
Bit of Dosmamas News:
I know many of you are starved and salivating for news from Charlotte. Here is a small bit of (good!) info to hold you over until the official posts are up. Thank you WTF!
Congrats to Charlotte, S, Smarty and all involved with the conception and birth of Waffle Recipe.
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Calling all IVP
There is some shitty stuff going around. Shitty.
There is a password protected blogger in Maine that needs some comfort.
There is a furious blogger in NYC that can’t get into her blog via her phone that SO needs to vent about something horrible.
And there is a friend in Florida that just got some kicked in the gut news.
Please take a moment to send you most loving and embracing thoughts to these women. We are never alone and sometimes we need to be reminded of that.
Calling all IVP
Please go give some much needed support to Val at From Here to Maternity. She just got some shit news delivered to her in a shit way and could use some shoulders.
Shifting the light to another blogger.
Here is something that I wrote within the last password protected post that I feel I should share with the rest of you:
The longer I sit with this the more I know in my gut that this SW opportunity is not for me. I am so agitated over having to come up with a solution so fast. And seriously, being this needy is killing me. Honestly I would really rather put this effort & energy towards saving up for an FET back back in the NE. It feels weird to go forward with a fresh IVF when I have embryos waiting for me in a city with a free place to stay and access to transportation.
Now I know that I do have a tendency to quit when things get overwhelming. I hate a hassle and a mess and am frankly exhausted over trying to think outside of the box. I feel like that is ALL I do and it has yet to benefit. Then there is also this shame that I feel over not having money at the ready for this opportunity. And I feel like a giant loser for even being so frank with you all about this lack of funds.
I hate that by even bringing this study up to my Mother has caused her to go back to a place of guilt that she is not able to help me out any more financially at the moment. She is working so hard to get her own personal finances in order and she has made some real progress. I do not want to do anything that would cause her to delay her own important goal.
I am thankful for the Z for keeping me pretty even as I go through this ripple. I can see the place of doom in my mind and so far I am doing well to step around it. This study would have been great if key ingredients had been in my favor. All I can do is keep saving, keep hoping and dreaming and then maybe another study will pop up or maybe I will get the right amount in my savings account to get back to the NE.
That being said, I want to sincerely and deeply thank all of you for trying to help me scramble this week to come up with a solution. I have written to the people running the study to see if there is a way I could participate at a more local clinic, but really I think I should just get back to saving up for an FET. It feels right.
However, there is another wonderful and amazing blogger that would be a primo candidate for this SW study and I would like all of you to head over to her blog and help her work on logistics. Chicory and her family have been through a lot and I can not think of a more deserving family. Let’s make this happen for her!
Please Send Love
More sadness. It just will never make sense.
Please go sit with Bleu and hold her hand as she loses her much fought for twins.
Good friends on Bad tv
Yesterday a really crappy episode of the Tyra Banks show aired. The show was supposed to be educational, insightful, helpful and not sensational. Instead it was hysterical, cruel and well, lame.
My friend Sophia was recruited to be on the show via a nationally recognized infertility support organization. The show was presented to her as a venue for discussing serious topics. & of course we can all imagine how it turned out…(Read Mel’s take of how the show evolved here.) (Read even more detailed information here.)
I am super busy this morning with GM, but I had to share this priceless photo of Sophia on the show giving the look of pure annoyance (love her!). Let’s have a discussion within the comments. Who watched it/ What did you think/ What action, if any needs to be taken as a follow up?
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