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Places to Go:
Where I’ve Been
Three things have kept me off line these past few days: Harry Potter, my delayed ovulation, and the arrival of a new video game.
I am not finished with HP7. I didn’t used to be, but for some reason I am morphing into a slow reader. That kills me.
As for the ovulation…ugh. Can I just say that I have not used an OPK or charted my basal temperature in over a year? Once I moved to injectable meds I quit charting and never looked back. There was this beautiful freedom in handing over my ovulation obsessions to a team of people testing my blood and ultrasounding my ovaries. Oh and the trigger shot…my dear, dear trigger shot.
I am so glad that my FHI is going to be next cycle so that I could do some hoo ha gazing and re-acclimate myself into the world of chart insanity. My body decided to remind me what it is capable of doing when put under stress to perform. I started peeing on those OPKs right on schedule. (cd 11) Expected positive test was cd12-cd14. However…my body played a little joke on me. Silly body! I wasn’t getting a positive at all. Nothing. I seriously began to think that either I had missed my ovulation (which freaked me out) or that I was not ovulating (again, freaked out).
Now I am not sure if there is such a thing as osmosis ovaries. All I will say is that yesterday I had brunch with someone who had just ovulated and when I got home and tested, lo and behold, my girls came through. cd17. Lovely.
But enough vagina talk. It’s too early.
As for the new video game. swoon. I am over the mood about. I won’t go into too much detail (um, because I honestly talked about this game forEVAH at brunch yesterday and I am a little embarrassed) but I will say that it is the Sims 2 Seasons Expansion pack. And I will say that as a type (lower case) A personality with control issues it is extremely, extremely satisfying. And I will say that in this game not only do you control the sims, but you get to control the weather. Love it.
Break Dancing
Astounding confession to make:
I do not know what fucking cycle day I am on!
Seriously.
I think I may be near an ovulation day, but I couldn’t swear to it at all. Like if you held a gun to my head & said, “How many days until you expect to get your period??!!” I would have to say, “shoot me. I don’t know.”
How nuts is that? X days since my self imposed break from trying to get knocked up and I feel so distanced from the ttc world. But now that I am aware of that I am trying to figure out how much longer I should be break dancing.
To be honest I probably would have sailed through at least two months on a break. But then something happened that has stirred the fighter in me. I got an e-mail from my RE.
Very odd thing to see, nestled within an inbox of e-mails from Mother, friends, itunes and spam - your RE’s name. At first I had this moment of dread. I honestly freaked for a nanosecond with the fear that he had stumbled across my blog or something. Maybe he was commenting on the post where I discussed how I farted in his face. Maybe he was e-mailing to tell me that there had been a HUGE mixup in the lab & that all those IUI’s where I thought I was getting sperm I was actually getting chicken soup.
But it was actually a kind e-mail. Except for the last sentence which I don’t understand at all. So please help me out here, what is he trying to say?
_[Calliope]______,
I hope you don’t mind that [Nurse] forwarded your email to me [the one where I said that I needed to take a break]. I
wanted to let you know that we share in your frustration. All of your
cycles have been optimized, yet no pregnancy has occurred.
Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common and what happens is
patients continue to elevate the amount of intervention (time and cost
and risk) until pregnancy is either achieved or they have come to the
resolution that they may need to seek other options (adoption,
child-free living, etc.). Only you can make these kinds of decisions. [am I wrong for kind of wanting to smack him for saying that?]
We are in this with you and will support whatever decisions you make.
You are one of our favorite patients [only because I tell dirty jokes] and therefore one of the most difficult ones to get pregnant [now what the fuck does that mean?]. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you.
[the RE]
So like I said now I feel a bit challenged. Like maybe I need to get back in the game next month. & next month could be good. It would mean a possible Capricorn baby. & we all know that Capricorns rule.
So let’s say I have about two weeks to decide. Two weeks of mulling.
cripes.
In the meantime, & this is WAY off topic, if you have not discovered a little band called The 88, then you should be ashamed of yourself. Please download them immediately & rock out. Their song, ‘Everybody loves me but me’ is a bit of an anthem these days.
It’s not a tumah.
So I don’t have OHSS.
& Since I didn’t blog yesterday you have no idea what I am talking about, do you.
I’ll rewind & catch ya’ll up.
Yesterday morning I had my IUI. The RE on call was one I have never met before: a very nice, slightly older, woman from Ohio. She talked to me as if it was my first IUI & I kind of liked it. (cue the appropriate Madonna song) The nurse, who I have known since I started coming to the clinic, was the nurse to Mr. Big Shot/My name is on the letterhead, guy & I could tell she was amused at how I was being treated so delicately. It wasn’t until new RE said, “& you should be able to have a normal day today, do your normal activities…” until the nurse piped in, “Why don’t you examine her chart and meds protocol & rethink that.”
ooooooh! SNAP!
So the new RE flipped through the massive binder that is my chart & then recanted her earlier statement & issued the following revision, “Take it easy today. Rest. Drink lots of fluid. Call if you experience any pain that you feel is unusual.”
You got it!
The drive home was a bit angsty for me. Mom was at the wheel , but we were rushing. & I bet not one of you has had to rush home for the reason we did. We had to rush home so that we could wake GM up to go to one of her society lunches. It was such a cluster fuck as we were last in line at the first come, first serve IUI Saturday at the clinic. We HAD to be home by 9am so that GM had plenty of time to get ready.
We left her a note that I didn’t feel well & that Mom had taken me to the doc in the box.**
But if she woke up & saw that we knew she would freak out about making her meeting/lunch. So the entire hour drive home Mom & I were bouncing back worst case scenarios. They involved GM finding the keys to Mom’s thunderbird & trying to remember how to drive. GM trying to walk the 6 miles to the country club, GM having a fit & throwing things at us…Luckily when we got home GM was still asleep & actually didn’t even want to go to the meeting. Phew!
(**GM doesn’t know about my baby science experiment. Before my Grandfather died she would ask me when I was going to settle down & have a family. I replied that I may not need to settle down to have kids. To which she giggled & said, “Oh you modern girls!” But at this point having to tell, retell, explain & reexplain artificial insemination to GM is just not something that I deem necessary. Once I get pg I will be honest with her, but I’ll be crossing that bridge once I come to it.
SO back to the tumah…
I get back into my PJ’s & under the covers thinking dreamy thoughts about my bazillion eggs hooking up with Guy’s bazillion sperm. (the clinic did an upward motility wash on new donor & Guy had 56 million sperm that were over 70% forward moving) I also had an entire week of season 2 ER’s to catch up on. (God bless tivo & TNT) So I got comfy & began my Dr. Ross marathon.
Then it started. The pain. Oh the humanity! I’m telling you it was worse than my post lap pain. It felt like somebody was aggressively kneading dough inside of me. All at once I felt that I would throw up and explode.
I tried to be brave. I tried to just ride it out.
But who am I kidding? It hurt soooo effing much. At first I wanted to go get a shot of vodka, but then I stopped. I haven’t had anything to drink since Philly & I didn’t want to start now. So I figured a cup of peppermint tea would calm me. But the simple act of getting out of bed was excruciating.
I made it to the kitchen & Mom was in there (GASP!) doing dishes (ALERT THE MEDIA!). She took one look at me & said, “I’m calling that beeper number!”
So I propped myself against the kitchen counter & we waited for the RE on call to call us back. The first thing they told us to do was to weigh me. Um. Thanks - want to kick me when I am down? I already feel horrible, now you want me to be confronted with the monstrosity that is my bathroom scale? Fuck you!
But she said I needed to weigh now & then weigh myself in 4 hours. If it has gone up any call her back. Then I was told to drink as much water as I could. If I didn’t pee within the hour call her back. If my pee changed colors or “density” (?!?!?!) call her back.
So for the next five hours I drank and I peed. Drinking. Peeing.
Then weighing. I figured all the water would have made me gain, but I had actually lost a pound. Go figure.
What I was being monitored for was a little thing called OHSS (ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome). Anybody that has a trigger shot or anyone that takes fertility medication is at risk. I was at higher risk because of my higher estrogen level and my age (?!).
So by 7:00pm I was deemed in the clear. No OHSS for me. Thank Gawd. But going through all of that did make me feel like a chump. All that drama for some ovulation pain. But I guess when you are dropping the mother load of eggs some, er, discomfort is to be expected.
Just glad to not feel so bloated this morning. Phew.
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Those of you wanting to join the flickr Friday Photo account I have sent you invite e-mails. Disregard the 1st one if you get more than one. I’m still a bit of a flickr newbie. If you haven’t gotten an invite & you would like one, e-mail me & I’ll take care of that.
Face Mask Friday!
Oh yes! It is time for the first (& dare I say, trial test?) of Photo Fridays!
Woo Hooooo!
If you’re uploading a pic today let me know by leaving me a comment & I will compile the list for a Saturday post. It is sheer photo/blogging madness!! Can you stand it?
Here I am last night with my proactive sulfur mask on. mmmmmm. I was trying to look like a super model, but I think I managed to pull off sad mime instead. Oh Well.
Special bonus picture of moi & two of my dearest friends, my old roommates in L.A. (I’m sure they are killing me now for sharing this, but seriously, how CUTE are we?!) I’d give anything to have a “spa night” back in Hollywood. Ahhhh…as Edith sang, Those were the days.
In Vagina news: I had my trigger last night & I now feel like I have gained 30 pounds in my gut. ugh
Leif’s Last Dance
This is it. In two hours Leif will have his last chance to have his way with my eggs.
I was a bit anxious about the timing of today’s IUI. But last night (at 8pm) I got the darkest natural (not post trigger) positive opk I ever have. This morning’s was a bit lighter. So I think I should be all right today.
This will be the 1st time my actual RE will be doing the IUI. In the past it has been nurses, students, even the head of the department. I think this is only my 2nd IUI to happen on a weekday. Crazy.
Will update once I am back.
Think fertiizing thoughts!
What is Waiting for Ovulation?
This is the part of my cycle where I drive myself absolutely nuts. Every single fucking thing is poked, prodded, wiped, peed on, charted…All looking for THE clue that will proclaim, ‘Yes- you are about to ovulate’.
I now wish that I had requested a trigger shot for this month. It was so much easier to get an ultra sound, have egg size confirmed, have Mom shoot me up & then go in for the IUI at the designated time.
Going back to using OPK’s feels like doing math by hand rather than using the computer’s calculator. I am worried that I will not carry the one or use the right formula. I am certain that I will somehow fuck it all up.
I used to really get into the ’science’ of this part of the cycle. It felt like I was being so active in the whole getting knocked up battle. But now it just makes me ping with panic.
So the question at the moment is should I go in for an IUI a day earlier? When I trigger I have gone in for IUI on cycle day 14. When I have waited for my positive test via an ovulation predictor kit I have gone in on cycle day 16.
Would I be an idiot or a rebel for going in before I get that true dark solid line?
& is it me or has Alex Trebek gotten just a bit too sassy lately?
Trigger Shot Shuffle
Last night’s date with the trigger shot was more adventurous than I would have liked.
I needed to be given the shot at 7:30pm. Exactly.
Mom did her part by getting home promptly and I was certain that after a long day of beauty shop, DAR meeting & church visists Grandmother would be passing out early.
Ha!
As soon as we finished dinner GM chirps, “I’ve got so much energy! Do you have a movie we could watch?”
I did…but I didn’t want to! I wanted to get my trigger shot & retreat to my room where I could zone out & watch the zillion ‘Baby Story’ programs I had tivo’d.
I turned on a program that I had recorded just for GM (a new show on Sundance called Iconclasts - it’s sort of like Interview magazine with a celebrity interviewing another celebrity or icon). This episode featured Rene Zellewiger (not such a fan) spending the day with Christiane Amanpour.
A little adorable fact about GM: she has the BIGGEST crush on Christiane. Whenever she sees her on tv she purrs, “oh, there’s my girl”. I figured an hour long show featuring her crush would hold her attention long enough for Mom & I to duck into the bathroom for the shot.
Not so much. GM kept following me around the house asking if I needed any help. I swear she was picking up on something in the air. She could tell I needed help with something & was going to chase me around until I told her.
At exactly 7:30 I came up with a plan. I would lock myself in the bathroom & get the shot ready. Then I would yell for Mom to please bring me another roll of tp. See the tp is on the highest shelf in the linen closet & GM certainly would not be able to reach. Of course once Mom got it down I heard GM say, “I’ll take it to her.” AHHHHHHH!
Luckily Mom was able to dart in, jab a needle in my gut & dart out.
PHEW!
I peed on an ovulation test this morning to make sure the HcG was in my system & it is.
Today GM & I am going to make Peppermint Bark. I can not wait to fill the house with peppermint smells - heaven!
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