Monster truck is leaving the building. Beta came back at 83 – no where NEAR doubling. I feel incredibly foolish for hoping it could have been different. I mean, come ON…blarg. I’m going to keep working today and just hang on emotionally until Mom comes home. Totally, totally devastated.

You would have been proud of me: I spent most of the weekend in a ridiculous hopeful suspension of animation. I pined away at fantasies and day dreamed about what a great January I could have. Only in little quiet moments, when I found myself thinking about today, did my bottom lip begin to tremble. [...]

Clinic called me to say, “congrats! It’s rising perfectly!” Beta is 54. I told them I would have liked to have seen triple digits. Clinic said, “we like a rise. This is a rise.” AKA: shut up already. I go back for repeat on Monday. Obviously there is a lovely chart to share that shows [...]

The blood draw woman fussed at me this morning. “Why the sad face, sweetie?” I explained that I was just going through the motions. She asked what my first beta was and after I whispered it out she grabbed my hands and demanded I look at her face, “THAT is a positive.” She told me [...]

Well clearly after my MOTHER opted to express her feelings in the comment section of the last post the little layer of tin foil that I had been wrapping around and around my heart began to crumble. Hope is no match to preservation tactics. Hope will always win out. The thing is I have total [...]
Sorry for keeping you hanging. I got the call a few hours ago and have just been hunkered down trying to keep W from climbing the walls. The beta was 14. The nurse said I could come back tomorrow or come back thursday for a repeat. She also said I should continue with progesterone and [...]

There is a scene in one of my favorite movies, The Thing Called Love, where River Phoenix and Samantha Mathis stand on top of a building in Nashville and yell out into the city, “Look out Music City cause here I am and I ain’t never leaving!” It’s one of those great moments where the [...]

Fine. FINE. Here are the three tests from today. No arrows provided. Yadda, yadda…