fantasy head games

Nothing at allToday I had a fantasy where I suddenly was the recipient of a specific amount of BIG money and even though I am all about planning, researching, and saving to get my family relocated to a new school district for W, in my head the money was spent elsewhere.

In my head I had a fist-full of dollars and couldn’t call the clinic fast enough for the last, the final, the hail Mary FET.

I know it’s because I spent a good chunk of yesterday researching and writing about a new finding┬áregarding music and embryos. One of the doctors on the research team for this study shared a video of an embryo growing to music and the song she used in her video was a Barry White song so of COURSE that made me think of my little frozen Barry White grown straws of embryos.

Well except there really aren’t straws plural now. Just the one left. One last hurrah and hope.

I want to peak to the end of the chapter and see what’s there. I will be lucky either way, but it is the not knowing doing some emotional work on me.
there is more page breakIn other news I am still losing weight, but slowly. I am ok with slow. I have lost just over thirty pounds since April and I am really proud of myself. A lot of the weight change was from changes in my diet. But that is probably dull to hear about and I will spare you the dairy epiphanies. I do seem to have misplaced my gym mojo so I need to figure out where the fuck THAT is. I was on a good streak of working out immediately after dropping W off at school, but once the summer schedule hit W was home more and I needed to use the morning time to get work done.

Excuses, excuses, excuses.

The crummy part about being a tall lady is dropping weight and not seeing a change at all. I FEEL so much better (obviously – I am having fertility fantasies!), but when I look in the mirror I still think I look the same. If you asked someone who saw me in April to look at me now and tell you what is different I doubt they would say weight loss. (I have some awful hair happening…)

This doesn’t derail my enthusiasm for continuing to stay healthy and enjoy the slow weight loss, but I do lament my lack of a good “after” photo.
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BlogHer is next week. I am so looking forward to meeting up with some of my favorite online friends. This year the conference will have a mentor program and I am really excited about that.

I should probably write more about BlogHer in a few days.

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I would like some peach cobbler. (not a good idea, don’t worry, won’t happen)


  1. I know what you mean about being tall and weight loss. I’m 6ft and have lost a stone (14 pounds I think) over the last few months, but nobody knows it but me. Well done on your fine achievement though!

  2. I think you’d be surprised at what people notice. 30 lb is a toddler – you think people won’t notice that you’ve lost a toddler? :)

    Barry White, huh? Seems…appropriate.

  3. You are amazing! I am so happy that you feel better.

  4. At over a year into running/clean eating/general healthy lifestyle I’ll say that it took a long time before anyone else noticed the changes that were happening….but I felt better and my anxiety level went down, and I started having more energy to perpetuate the goodness that was happening. Go you!

    I recently signed up for a new race…having something to work toward that involves cool swag is motivation for me on the days when lower stress, energy, weight loss, etc are not enough motivation to get out on the trail. Keep trying different combos until you find the motivation that works for you.

  5. I have lost 35 lbs over the past 6 months and the only way I can tell is my clothing falling off of me. I think our brains just don’t let us accept that we look better along with feeling better. Be proud of yourself, 30 lbs is HARD to lose! It’s an awesome accomplishment!

  6. I haven’t been to the gym at all this summer. For some reason, it just isn’t working.

    I am so proud of you for sticking to it! Thirty pounds is amazing!

  7. I noticed! SO THERE

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