Nearly four

Smiles at breakfast: he is nearly fourWhen we talk about W’s birthday (just under a month away!) I am always taken aback when he croons, “I AM GOING TO BE FOUR!!” This is immediately followed by the declaration, “I am not a baby anymore, Mama.” He has been on this planet for almost as long as I planned for him to be here.

This morning we drove to school in the sad attempt at snow happening in Philadelphia and he brought up baby seeds.

Earlier this week W had a swift melt down at the playground when he realized that the two friends he was so happily playing with had taken a snack break next to their baby siblings. W looked at me and wailed, “but I don’t HAVE a baby!”

I hugged him tight and let him cry out his layered feelings of the moment. I told him that no, he did not have a baby, but he had so many other wonderful people and things in his life. It was not much comfort for him and he asked to leave the playground because he was “just too sad”.

This morning when he mentioned baby seeds I waited for it to be attached to a conversation about siblings. I was relieved that he wanted to talk about when HE was a baby seed. Oh how I love talking to him about his creation story – how it was years in the making and planning, how so many people had celebrated his arrival. I looked at his face in the rear view mirror and caught him smiling so sweetly.

It’s hard to believe that this sweet, dear boy so often has problems at school. Harder still was reading the evaluation from his teachers for his speech therapy paperwork. Seeing things in print about your child’s behavior is a pretty specific feeling of “oh fuck”. I am waiting for the early intervention agency to make the next step.

Oddly W seems to have turned the corner recently. There was a personal milestone that he reached and with it came a string of wonderful behavior days. His school does this awesome thing where every time he makes a great choice (in regards to behavior) he gets to give a chart a stamp. If he fills all of the boxes on the day’s chart then he gets three mini marshmallows AND the supreme pleasure of announcing to me upon pickup, “MAMA! I had a GREAT day!”

For the last several weeks he averaged one – two great days a week at school.

Lately every day has been great.

He has always loved to do things on his own. Everything from pouring the milk on his cereal to picking out what clothes to wear. This can do attitude now covers a lot. He is dressing himself, taking himself to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, getting snacks. He really is a kid now.

Things I wrote this week:

7 Irish Bands You Need to Listen to Right Now
15 Shows to Watch this Spring After the Kids are in Bed … And 5 The Whole Family Will Love
Guess Who Was Just Named Best Parent Role Models by Brits?
Kate Winslet Talks Divorce, Marriage, and Motherhood
Mayim Bialik and the Growing Pains of Single Parenting
• BlogHer shared my 10 Commandments of Blog Comments interviewed me about being a single parent by choice


  1. Four has been pretty great here.

  2. That is SO sweet

  3. I read everything you write, but i am sorry that I am not so good at commenting. Yet, this one, I had to.
    It took us 4 years to get pregnant with Gio and Jacob and on their 4th birthday last year I was overcome with the enormity of that…how they were here, in my arms and on this planet as long as I had wished for them..I get that emotion. I do. xo

    there was a such a difference in them after 4…and now at 5, they are really like little people, it’s maddening truly.

    but he is beautiful and so are you. Bring on 4.

  4. Its a bittersweet thing ..we wait so long to hold them in our arms and then suddenly they grow up so fast we want time to stand still! Four is a really fun age much inter action..and questions, questions, questions! The cuddles are worth it though!

  5. Awww sounds like a great little guy, happy almost 4th birthday W!

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