My friend Jessica at Look Who Found the Marbles is hosting a blog prompt for today: What Laws Would You Pass If You Were President?
I think this list is probably more of a, “if I could make this stuff happen I totally WOULD” situation. I have watched enough West Wing and House of Cards* to know that making laws is exhausting and complicated and often doesn’t happen the way you originally planned. In my fantasy I don’t want to imagine being locked in a conference room with staffers trying to figure out what things to cut from my bills so that they will pass committees. I just want these things to HAPPEN.
My Law Wish List
• If you cook with cilantro you must wear a badge to let people know
• If you don’t use your turn signal you lose your license
• If you don’t turn on your headlights in bad weather you lose your license
• If you smoke in your car with the windows rolled down on nice days (also knows as days when I have my windows down you must not drive downwind
• If you put the remote control on the other side of the sofa you must make dinner
• If you are sick and go to work you must give all of your vacation days to those working around you
• All emoticons are banned from emails
• It is forbidden to ask a person if he/she has children or has plans for any more children
• It is forbidden to spit in public
• If you spit outside of your car you will be required to clean the spit up
• It is forbidden to loud talk in a movie theatre
• If you are taller than five feet ten inches you automatically get a seat to accommodate your height
• If you wake up at 5am you are forbidden from waking up anyone else in the house
• Car buggies (those kid shopping carts with the plastic car in the front) OUTLAWED
• Junk mail: OUTLAWED
• People who require a phone call over an email will be retrained
• Saturday = plaidurday
{LJ told me about House of Cards and It is seriously good. If you like political thrillers check it out on Netflix.}
What about you? If you could pass a law today what would it be?
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Not only are emoticons banned from work emails, but so is that awful “stationary” and animated graphics of glittery kittens.
blech! are people still using crazy stationary on work emails?!!
Every establishment would be required to have a drive thru option. Especially coffee shops!
BEST LAW EVER!!!!
When getting gas, PULL UP to the next available pump! Or, NO GAS FOR YOU!
I agree with a lot of yours…I would change if you cook with cilantra to green peppers. Bleck!
Great list!
Mandatory 12 month PAID maternity leave. Like that’ll ever happen.
No asking women if they are pregnant. Unless you are in a medical establishment where it might be necessary to know, or if she’s obviously 7+ months gone. If there’s ANY chance that she’s just a bit tubby or bloated, the question is forbidden.
People should be required to pass a test every 5 years showing proper understanding of the differences between their and there, your and you’re, and its and it’s.
Guys in speedos on the beach = forbidden.
Leaf blowers = forbidden. Especially if all you’re doing is blowing the leaves into the road so they’re off your own property but not actually cleaned up.
[But I like emoticons in emails...sorry!]
noooooooooooo! down with emoticons!
I love your list and completely agree with “If you cook with cilantro you must wear a badge to let people know” and “It is forbidden to loud talk in a movie theatre”
*fistbump* on cilantro hating!
I joined this fun link up! I love the law about ‘go to work sick, give vacation days to coworkers,’ the best.
right?!!
Clicking over to read your list now!
Fun list =]
Excellent list!
Hillary
Yes. I like those. Particularly the emoticons and tall people getting seats. And obviously the cilantro.
One day we will live in a world where people stop using cilantro…
Oh, I have so many to add!
1. It is illegal to click a retractable ballpoint pen more than is needed to write and stop writing.
2. After you’ve poured your coffee and are just “fixing” it at a coffee shop, STEP ASIDE.
3. Public gum chewing is forbidden.
4. Headphones for youtube (and other laptop noisies) are REQUIRED. Fines will be assessed per second of public laptop/phone noise.
5. iPhone key clicks must be turned off unless you are alone.
6. Adults must walk to the far right of grocery aisles so that children may run on the left from one end to the other freely.
7. Two-item maximum per grocery deli counter order on Sundays.
And finally, here is a link to one of my favorite comic’s proposed legal rewards one you make it to 90 years old: http://www.comedycentral.com/jokes/ir7il4/stand-up-patton-oswalt–patton-oswalt–if-you-make-it-to-90
headphones! YES!! agree!!
and ZOMG! cell phone sounds in general drive me bonkers
Yup, no spitting or loud talking. Totally agree with phone calls for emails. Just tell me what you want in the freaking email. Check out my list, we’re kinda similar.