I have reached a point that lives on the other side of body acceptance. I see my shape for what it is. I am sad that it is not the shape it once was, but here I am. I still don’t recognize myself in the mirror or in photos. Somewhere underneath this new shape is me.
Where I am is recognizing that, for whatever reason, I am large. My largeness has always been. There is a sliding scale of “my size” and I am at the very end of it.
What I don’t want to accept any more is that I feel like shit.
I am tired of being tired.
Traditional ways of dropping weight have not worked for me. It has made me realize that there is probably something more going on. I started to research specific issues for people dealing with Hashimoto’s. (For those that do not know I was diagnosed with this thyroid disease when I was 6 months post partum after W, so just over 3 years ago.) Then I started to look at plans of action that were specifically created to help people dealing with auto immune diseases.
I kept coming back to these studies that discuss how certain foods can trigger greater symptoms. Essentially the notion is that our body digests what we eat and some foods are harder to digest for some people. If you figure out what the trigger foods are you could reduce the symptoms.
I want to feel better.
Over the last few weeks I was seriously looking at trying out The Plan by Lyn-Genet. I started looking for the supplements and making grocery store lists and once I realized that I would need to save up to begin it my interest and enthusiasm faded.
This is a shame because I really got swept away in many of the concepts discussed in the book. It made sense to me – at least the WHY my body might be this way. As far as how to fix things I am unclear.
Now I am looking at the Elimination Diet from Whole Life Nutrition.
{and of course the foods discussed in Whole Life are listed on foods to avoid in The Plan.}
Basically I want to test if I feel crummy because of the food that I eat.
Of course I keep hoping for some magic recipe that will get me back on the path of feeling better, but is there such a thing?
The recent photo of me in this post was taken from a cell phone this weekend. I can still manage to take a selfie and see what I think of as “me” in the photo – but when my photo is taken by anyone else I guess the “real me” is there.
{ 43 comments… read them below or add one }
I highly recommend trying to just grains at first.
I feel SO much better now.
#assvice
small steps. I hear ya.
Yep on teh grains. Some grains. Grains get a lot of negative press but the thing that usually bugs people about grains? Processed food (pasta, bread, etc) and gluten. Not that I’m a nutritional expert by any means.
Oh, and sugar. Ugh. I’m not anti-carbs and I’m cool with natural stuff like raw honey and fruit juice (homemade of course) but the processed white stuff? Bad.
It’s going to be a transition – but I need to do SOMETHING
My mood has been so down lately. Last night I started wondering if it stems from the fact I’ve not been eating healthy foods, so I’m not coping well with stress. Please keep us posted on how you’re feeling. By the way, I’m self-conscious about my smile, so what jumped out to me from your recent photo is how beautiful your teeth look. I know this is about feeling better, but you look very pretty to me.
That is so sweet. I rarely ever smile in a photo with my teeth showing.
My sister-in-law swears by the Paleo diet. It always seems that good foods are more expensive then those cheap processed ones. Try farmers markets and Trader Joe’s for healthier items. My wife has Grave’s Disease & I notice when she lowers her carb intake and goes to whole grains she feels much better. Are you taking vitamins? Vitamin B & D3 are excellent for you!
I wish you the best of luck and I KNOW you will figure something out.
I have some friends that also swear by Paleo.
And I’m not doing so well with remembering B but I take D.
Yes on the grains.
And see if you can get Mary Shomon’s thyroid book – she’s a huge fan of the exercise program T-Tapp (which i’ve been doing off and on for 5 years). T-Tapp is very different.n Its a less is more kind of approach. http://www.t-tapp.com There’re a bunch of try before you buy you tubes and there’s a book you cna get from the library w/the moves, etc. The workout is totally worth purchasing, but i get that its expensive, hence the other options to start first.
I follow Mary on twitter, but I had not heard of T-Tapp. I’ll check it out.
Check out a book called Wheat Belly by William Davis (from the library of course!). It is only focused on gluten, but that is where I would start – cut out the wheat. I feel SO much better without gluten (although I find I am able to cheat and have a very small amount every now and then without it affecting me). Yes, other things may be affecting you. Yes, other diets may work better for you. But I bet they all eliminate wheat. So do that first (unless you’re drinking diet soda, then cut that stuff out right this second, and then quit wheat). And don’t expect instant results – it takes a few weeks for the gluten to work its way out of your system and then longer to start healing, especially if you’re not supplementing with stuff to help you heal. You may think it’s not working for you. But if you then have a wheatapalooza type of day and suffer afterwards, you’ll know for sure.
Once the wheat is out of the way, you can keep reading and figuring out what to try next.
does coke zero count?
sigh
I KNOW.
I feel like you have mentioned this book to me before. I should probably read it now
(also – saw your FB status today – WOO!)
I think I HAVE mentioned that book to you before. It is a real eye opener! And Coke Zero? Please try to quit. It’ll be hell to start with but worth it.
I totally hear you. I gained almost 100 pounds between 2002 and 20012. Probably 60 of which was after the birth of my first child. And 11 months ago I just felt so tired of feeling tired. I eliminated all grains and sugar. At the beginning this included all fruit, although I do eat berries now. In the last 11 months I have lost 65 lbs and kept it off (keeping it off was really the much bigger accomplishment for me). I slowly had more energy which made me more active. And I am sure that the exercise helped, even, when at the beginning, it was minimal. And it was a cycle. But the good kind!
The journey is nowhere near over for me. I was a very big girl when I started (5’2 and 285lbs), and really, when is this journey EVER really over? But what started out as a lifestyle has just become my life. I feel great, have loads of energy and am a pant size or 2 away from being able to shop in a non-plus sized store (haven’t done that in 20 years). In some ways it was the easiest and in other the hardest, thing I have ever done. I have spent my life dealing with body image issues and eating disorders (even spent some formative summers at “fat camp”) and for the first time in my life am feeling good.
I wish you the best of luck. You CAN do it. And I will be here cheering you along the way!
wow! This is so fantastic to hear.
Did you follow a plan or just dive in on your own path?
I’d love to know more about your process.
Having more energy would be such an amazing thing.
It wasn’t really any specific plan. I read the atkins stuff and it rang true to me. I did a slightly adapted “induction” for a month or two to get into the rhythms (and to give me some boundaries) and then tinkered with it to meet my needs. I have managed to find enough “reasonable facsimiles” of foods I used to love that it has kept me going. Good substitues for noodles, even pizza. I also have made some recipes (like my cheesecake recipe) “friendly” for my need for treats (because lets face it, a life without treats is one I can’t face
) Anyway, if you want any other info/details e-mail me and I will share!
Thinking of you and hoping you find a plan that works for you.
thanks lady. I know you get it.
(and you are looking amazing! How are you feeling?)
There is no magic recipe. There are plenty of trends. As to what will work for you, I have no idea. But I wish you much luck in finding something that makes you feel better and makes you feel better about yourself.
(There’s a whole world of information on food allergies and sensitivities. I don’t know how much is real and how much is crap.)
totally agree – LOTS of trends. It is really hard to know what is a healthy plan to try vs hype.
No assvice here, but I quit eating gluten a few weeks ago and it was like someone flipped a switch! I’ve lost eleven pounds to date, but the difference in my face and body shape is RIDICULOUS and I feel so much better both physically and emotionally. I have thyroid issues too and the more I read about gluten intolerance and thyroid health, the more convinced I am that going gluten-free was the right move for me. So yeah, food matters.
I keep hearing that eliminating gluten is a BIG game changer. You totally pegged my concerns- my face shape right now is just, well, it doesn’t feel like ME.
Yeah, I had the moonface-thing going on, as one would expect from steroids, and that combined with the bloating in my abdomen made me look pregnant much of the time. Which, given that I am not, and can never be again, was…less than desirable. Co-workers have commented on the change! I accidentally consumed a TINY amount of gluten last week and immediately it came BACK (and subsided again after two days) so I’m pretty sure gluten is the culprit. Initially I felt deprived, but after the first week that went away and now I consider it a small price to pay for looking and feeling SO MUCH BETTER.
I hope you find something that works really well for you.
xo thank you
I need to cute out gluten and see if it helps. I also need to get tested for it. Good luck!
For what it is worth I recently read that pretty much every person with auto-immune issues has SOME issues with gluten.
Hmm interesting, not sure if I have any autoimmune diseases. But my aunt has Celiac’s and we thought my preemie daughter had it when I was looking into it I noticed I have a lot of the symptoms. Sigh. This is what happens when my flipped back and forth between health insurances due to jobs. I had a very disrupted health care.
My two cents: I started drinking a veggie juice in the morning for breakfast (I bought a juicer and am using all organic veggies from the store; so not a pre-made juice), and I cannot tell you how much better I feel! I have made no other changes (love my wine!) except a juice for breakfast. My energy level is through the roof. I make it with spinach or kale, some blue berries, a beet, parsley, and an apple to sweeten it up. It actually tastes quite good (acquired taste, it has gotten better and better as I’ve continued to do this and now I actually crave it), but like I said, I have done nothing else but ADD in a juice for breakfast. And the results are amazing. Like I said, just my two cents.
so good to hear! And so glad you are feeling so well!
I would so be down with a wine juice
I have no advice, really, but commiseration. I’ve been there, for sure. For me, disappointingly, gluten free didn’t make a difference. Reducing simple carbs has helped a lot, but strangely, adding whole wheat pasta to my diet also helped a lot. I just never got full on squash and the like. So I eat less when I eat wheat. Go figure! I also started taking Metformin for PCOS, which has helped, and i switched from working out on the elliptical to doing a kickass workout called Rip 60 (which you can do at home). It’s hard work but it’s the first time I’ve had any success in changing my body in years.
All this to say… what works for other folks may not work for you. Diets were heartbreaking for me for years. Keep experimenting. And like you said to another poster… start small. Really, really small and unthreatening.
Check out Eat for Life/Eat for Health by Joel Furhmann – hope I got the titles and his name right. Anyway, after chemo, I developed a gluten intolerance (I didn’t know that was the cause for a number of really tired, sick years). His books really helped me develop an eating plan that worked for me and I feel great now! Hope you find what works for you.
Hashimoto’s and Celiac often go together. If you’re thinking of eliminating gluten, see if you can get the blood test for Celiac first. It’s totally possible to be gluten intolerant without having Celiac, so don’t let the blood tests dictate whether or not you do a gluten free trial, but once you eliminate gluten the Celiac test is worthless.
Yeah, if you’re going to get tested, do it first. I had to do a “gluten challenge” to get tested and it was such a miserable experience, I couldn’t keep going, so I did the test early (after only a week I think – you’re supposed to eat wheat again for like 6 weeks). The blood test came back very mildly elevated, but not enough for the doc to say it was positive. But for me, all that pain and misery and BLOAT when I went back to eating wheat was proof enough.
(I’m not telling you what to do- these are just recommendations.)
You need to eat as a hypothyroid person. Read http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1451699514/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d26_i5?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-5&pf_rd_r=0J5K8DGGMFV716GA2RWN&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938731&pf_rd_i=507846 or http://www.amazon.com/The-Thyroid-Diet-Metabolism-Lasting/dp/B005K5F1VI/ref=pd_sim_b_5 . as I’m sure you’ve already figured out from your studies, when your thyroid isn’t right you’re, well, screwed. Nothing works as it should when the thyroid isn’t.
I talked my doctor into putting me on metformin on the condition I eat low carb. While due to hypothyroidism the weight hasn’t melted off, it has certainly helped- @ 24 lbs. You may also need to find a doctor who is willing to treat you not just your blood tests. While your TSH may be testing normal, if you are still suffering symptoms, then you may need a higher dosage. Also, I’ve heard taking synthetic hormones (levothyroxine, etc) isn’t as affective as taking desicated thyroid (Nature-throid, Armour Thyroid).
Do you have a calorie tracker on your phone? I just started about 10 days ago with MyFitnessPal, and so far so good. It’s really easy to use and add foods (there’s a bar code scanner!) and I quickly realized where my calories were coming from (juice, large portions) and it’s also easy to track your exercise. I signed up for a 12 week nutrition class at our local hospital, and the first two sessions have been incredible. Yesterday I had a metabolism test (included in the course fee) and with 10 minutes of breathing into a tube attached to a fancy machine, I found out that I burn a lot more calories than I thought, and I can eat and still lose weight. I also bought a FitBit (step tracker) that syncs with the MyFitnessPal app (free app) and it’s great that when I go for a walk it increases my calories for the day, and when I don’t…well, it takes them away. I have a lot to lose but in 10 days I’ve lost 10.5 lbs just by keeping track of the calories I put in my mouth. I was waaaay underestimating my calorie intake. If you decide to use MyFitnessPal, add me as a friend. It’s much easier to do it with friends and support.
I don’t think that current picture really looks like you. When your hair is down and makeup on – you look amazing. I know when I look back at my pre-child pictures — I definitely have a little more of refreshed glow. So you can not really compare those completely different times in our life. This time of the year is always hard for me. I am feel tired and blah. They say it takes 30 days to form a habit. It is hard to just change what you are eating or what you are doing. So just take your time, don’t be too hard on yourself!
Good luck on your journey. I also wanted to echo the comment about myfitnesspal. It’s the only thing that’s worked for me. I personally don’t find plans that involve eliminating whole groups sustainable for me (it’d be a different story if I had proof of an allergy or insensitivity).
I like th tracking because I’m an information junkie. Within a day, I could see how my food choices were a problem.
I made 3 commitments to myself 1) I’d try not to deprive myself in unsustainable ways (e.g. no more came or anything with sugar, flour etc) 2) try never to go to bed in the red. 3) I’d be kind to myself and not rush the process.
Practically speaking, what that means if I’ve indulged in chocolate during the day, exercise at the end of the day was mandatory.
I lost 15 in 4 months without thinking too much about it. And analyzing the data has also prompted me to make other changes e. g. I take a calcium supplement and drink a wheat grass and veggie mix once a day as I wasn’t getting enough or certain nutrients and calcium. I’d never have noticed those deficiencies without the program.
In your case, the data would be helpful if you decide to start eliminating things as you’d have a record of what you consume.
Good luck. You’ll do it!!!
Per the sugars thing.. Honey acts exactly the same as white sugar in your body. Agave nectar is lower on the glycemic index.
Btw.. You have always blown me away with your unique beauty.. Really. Not many like you. And remind me… Do you also have Pcos or just thyroid? Bc believe me honey, I hear ya. And if it’s Pcos too like me it throws a whole new bucket o wrenches into the mix. I can help you if it is. Have spent a long time learning what helps me nutrition wise.
Wow. I have every single symptom listed. Yet after numerous thyroid testing, I always come up with nothing. I wish I could figure this ish out once and for all. I’m so tired of being tired. And I could def go without hurting all the damn time. Good luck on your food journey. Id love to hear how it turns out.
My GP and my hematologist actually devised a diet for me that, when I follow it, means ridiculous amounts of energy and silly weight loss. (Really, I am more in it for the energy, but you know I have always been large and I would like to get slightly smaller…) Whenever I can afford to follow it, I do, and it makes a huge difference.
It involves learning to love herbal iced tea and the fact that dinner is basically taking a cow out back, shooting it, and garnishing it with some spinach, but… if you can hack the no grains, no sugars madness, and if you can afford it without having serious budget anxiety, I recommend trying it. Meat meat meat greens and greens.
I originally came to comment on the SERIOUSLY HIP CLAIRE DANES VIBE you were apparently rocking on the west coast, but then I remembered how much anxiety goes into following my diet (how much it costs us, the questions my brain puts forth about my relative worth, etc., etc.) and I wanted to encourage you to think you ARE worth it, and make the change.
And don’t be ashamed to kill a few innocent bystanders when all you want is a fucking pizza and once again you have CHICKEN, goddamn CHICKEN with some BROCCOLI.
So I ended up here while searching for thyroid photos for a speech I am preparing, but when I read your post, I decided that I had to leave a comment. I have Hashimoto’s as well and I have had to fight and go to three different doctors in order to get proper treatment. I now have zero symptoms thanks to an endocrinologist who prescribes medication according to symptoms, not just obscure “normal” lab values. I take armor thyroid which contains both T3 and T4 and I have completely eliminated dairy and gluten from my diet. I also take vitamin D, selenium, glutathione and zinc supplements to support my thyroid. Taking the selenium lowered my antibodies by a third. I lost weight after I corrected my thyroid medication and after I cut out gluten.
I just hate to hear stories of women suffering from a completely treatable disease! Check out stopthethyroidmadness.com, it has a ton of great information! Best wishes and happy healing!
Oh, I wish I’d known you were going through all this, I would have given you an extra hug this weekend. I loved your top on Saturday and I thought you looked lovely
I am also going through the thyroid fun, and my doctor tries his best to treat the symptoms instead of looking only at the lab numbers, but I’m still suffering almost daily. I went GF for two years and while I saw a difference at first, the bloating and other issues (I also have IBS) came back to the point that I’m eating whatever I want now and having the same symptoms as before. It’s very frustrating.
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