I had a pretty amazing and emotional and FULL weekend that I look forward to writing about. While I was away and pretty much offline for three days I had buckets of realizations about why I blog.
The biggest realization about blogging was that I had gotten sucked into chasing numbers. Statistics. I also had been pining away for some invisible next rung on the ladder. I started comparing myself to other bloggers. I watched people who started blogging less than a year ago achieve successes that I wanted for myself. And I beat myself up.
What was WRONG with me? With my writing? With my STORY. Because, for me, it is all connected.
I spent a lot of time waving my arms in the hopes that someone would find me. LOOK!! Here I am!! I AM WRITING HERE!! CHECK ME OUT!!
Waving your arms around is exhausting. It also doesn’t free up your arms for typing.
This weekend I realized that I was chasing something that will never belong to me. I am embarrassed to tell you the amount of effort I spent on trying to GET NOTICED so that I could GET MORE NOTICED so that I could MAKE THE LIST and HAVE THE NUMBERS.
I am never going to be one of those bloggers. I am never going to get picked to have my own column or contribute to a magazine. I am never going to make the cut.
AND THAT IS OK
That is not why I started blogging. I started so that I can tell my story. I am the only one that can. When it comes to the story of Dresden NO ONE does it better.
Expect some changes around here.
The biggest being my new motto: Write like no one is reading but hope someone is.
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I’m always reading, hot stuff
Oh Dresden. Yes, girl. Me too.
Great post. I’ve been struggling with the same thing. I feel compelled to gain more readers, more influence. Like my worth is somehow measured by the Klout score. I started blogging for myself and my family and it still amazes me that others read what I have to say. I’m still trying to figure out why growing is so important to me.
If you’re writing, I’m reading.
Blogging became more of a quest to be part of the popular crowd than it was just a person telling a story. At least it was for a lot of people who started at the sane time as me. Sigh. Their change made me think that I needed to change, too. Fortunately, that line of thinking was short lived for me. I do admit to being fascinated by statistics, though–not so much how many read, but where they come from! And then I get lost in wondering why my story connected with them. Lol.
Good on you for being true to yourself and your story.
I DO write like no one is reading, because I know no one is, having taken the SEO/ “find me” check mark off my blog settings.
I did that initially because I need to go back and revisit some of my pissy comments about the place and people where and with whom I worked in the earlier days of my blog, because though it made me feel all sassy/ justified about being ‘more right’ than those who sparred with me there, it was unnecessary huffing/puffing, and not of any point other than making myself feel better for a moment… until I suddenly wasn’t there any more. And that just underscored how pompous I allowed myself to be, with the addition of the word “ass” to complete the phrase. There was no point, and it needs to disappear gracefully because I hope it doesn’t reflect who I am. I know we all have inner dialogues we’d rather not have folks listening in on, so need to make sure that is all they are!
I don’t know pragmatically why I write, which I try to do each weekday, or ‘to whom’ I am addressing my thoughts and observations.
—Do I think that someday one of W’s grandkids may come across my corny and archaicly-phrased paens to the skies over Philadelphia that fascinate me so?
—Do I think that if/when I lose my memory/mind I will be helped by being able to revisit myself a la our telling Millie the stories of her life that helped her cling to some scrap of her identity as the Alzheimer’s gnawed it away?
—Do I think that something ‘brilliant’ in my musings will just draw someone to me even as I’m squirreling my thoughts onto the remotest corner of the interwebs without any hoopla whatsoever?
I don’t know — probably all of these PLUS other silly thoughts related to stamping even a tiny faint footprint in the ether as an “I was here” piece of the gossamer web.
Whatever, it is the act of writing that is sustaining, the leaving of a record of passing by, passing through, of having thoughts and capturing sights and moments. I have written all my life, and trained to do so as a “disinterested observer” (from the days when that was the requirement for a journalist). So the many years of having no outlet shrank me inside, minimalized my sense of meaning anything in the world — I breathed in/ out; so what? Who knew? Who COULD know?
You introduced me to blogging when you started chronicling your own story, although you know I didn’t have the slightest clue or idea what “it” was, what it meant, why one would, etc.
I remember in the midst of a faux-dramatic-’crisis’ of monumental bullshit when the bats were flying out of the woodwork over a ridiculous challenge, and I suggested to you that you just stop blogging, give up your blog and your voice, as a ‘simple’ way to shut down the clamor, and you looked at me as if I had suggested you cut off your arms. I didn’t understand and I wasn’t appreciative of what this outlet, this place to stand and say, “Me; I am and was and will be here”. I am glad that you declined my suggestion on this occasion and continued onward.
Since @2007 I’ve been trying out what my voice sounds like on things that occur to me to tap out my thoughts on. Since late 2010 my efforts have been mostly constrained by the time period during which I ride the 2nd of my buses to work each weekday morning and my ability to write using the tiny ‘keys’ on my phone. That limitation has forced me to say my piece in a lot fewer words than is my wont sitting at a computer keyboard with no pending bus stop to cut me short.
And it is the act of ‘saying things’, of noting what is crossing my mind or reminding me of something or challenges me or is just a picture I want not to lose that has made me feel like I’m still “here”, still part of the world in which I live, and I can make myself laugh and not worry if anyone else thinks I’m funny. It is the ability to feel I have a voice, even if it only whispers. And who knows — W’s grandkids may think I’m a “treasure” for capturing some of the moments of his life by writing about our grand adventures and pursuit of forklifts at the HD. Or no one may read and I may not recognize this life when my mind is tattered. Doesn’t matter — for now it refreshes my soul to write it down.
Thank you for your introduction and example. Keep it going!
I love how author Cheryl Strayed put it, “Write like a mother**cker!” Am so glad for your clarity and determination, Liz
I think I love your mom!
You seem to be pretty wrapped up in what other people think. In the long run, popularity would hurt you, I think. Because as much as you want the “attention” and the “success,” the best thing about blogging for you is connecting with other people. Both online and in real life. If you have thousands of readers, you won’t have time to connect with them all. That’s what I’ve gotten from your writing anyway…
I’m glad you’re not going to worry about numbers any more, though. Writing for the sake of writing probably comes out better.
I have followed you for a good many years now I loved then and still love reading your posts. You write real stuff with real emotions and you paint such a vivid picture. Always keep writing. Your posts have helped me through a divorce and so much of starting back over. Lots of hugs and love , Tonya
See I consider you one of those cool noticed bloggers =]
you helped me to name my daughter Calliope! and that’s not nothing! i think i had already thought of it, but every time I came to your blog, I saw “Who is Calliope?” and I thought, “Damn, that name is SO awesome!” I had already decided by the time you revealed Dresden, but I’ll always be grateful because I couldn’t love her name any more than I do!
I am reading. I have been since circa 2007. Your story is great and I’m so thankful that I can follow it. I know my list doesn’t count, but you are definitely on it– even if I don’t know you.
I’m reading… and I’m writing along with you. We’re in this boat together sister and we’ll keep encouraging each other.
Out of all the dozens of blogs I used to read over the years, you are one of the maybe five that I still check. For what that’s worth.
I have been reading your blog for years. Here’s the honesty: I have read certain posts a few times through to catch all of the emotion and meaning– those nitty gritty posts that really tell your story. I have also enjoyed laughing along with some of your more light hearted posts.
The only posts I have ever skipped are those that seemed more of the arm waving type to me. Just trying to say that I think you are on the right track with writing like the writer you are not the blogger you could be if you waved your arms enough
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I’m rapt to see your full feed back. I must admit when I only saw partial feed that didn’t seem like it was part of your story I didn’t click thru to read, and tho I can’t say I noticed the arm waving, the renewed energy for telling your story sounds great!
This was such a relief to read. I’ve seen so many say that they are going for “quality” over “quantity” but are still staring hard at those stats. Even with the positive responses to a lot of my personal posts recently, I know that those dang stats aren’t going to get higher. I’m OK with that. I’d never been the popular one in any part of my life, and I think my like is pretty damn fantastic. It’s more important to do what makes you happy in your heart.
I think you are the best.
This is something I struggle with constantly– especially when I see a blog take off just a few months after launching. I’ve been writing online since… well way too long ago to mention without blushing.
I’ve never really made the leap to try. I posted some things on BlogHer that they liked and I was like oh maybe I CAN build this but then I stopped. And my blog is still one of those free ones on WordPress so I can’t really do much with it income-wise other than what I already have on there which is poopy and I might take it off actually.
But this isn’t about me it’s about you and I like you and your blog and have read you a long long time (the comment that mentioned Calliope made me realize just HOW long actually) and yeah, keep writing.
I’m here. Sometimes more quiet than others but here.
I identify with so man parts of this post. I’m here and reading.
Just found your blog via pineterest (link to compassionate-post) – and will definitely be reading!
Love you.
I love this new motto. I love it! I take it to heart, too. Thank you for that!