Sometimes I wonder if the life I lead before I became a parent will ever matter to my son. Sure there will probably be moments to revisit stories from my high school years and perhaps there will be a time to talk about some of the life lessons I learned when I worked in Hollywood. But really, in the eyes of my child, my life began when his did.
I wish I knew more about my Mother’s life pre me. I am thankful that she writes often, but I know there are parts of her story I just do not know.
I got to know a lot more about Millie’s life while I was her caregiver for almost seven years. Her life before being a grandmother, before even being a mother, was something that I had to know in order to help guide her through days where memories and reality were murky. I needed to know about the kitty that got lost in the rain. I needed to know about how my Grandfather flirted with her in college.
My Grandfather documented almost all of his life. He journaled in such a detailed way making notes about what he did during a day and including clippings from newspapers about current events. He wrote about a time he almost died which included his views on the afterlife. He wrote me an essay and sent it to me every week when I was in college. In those essays he detailed different key moments and shared his life in such a powerful way. He later compiled all of the letters into one book for me – it is one of my most cherished possessions.
Writing books was something he had done for as long as I knew him. It was also something that he did before I ever existed.
Recently my Mom was looking something up online about my Grandfather, a date or whatnot, and she found books that my Grandfather had written. They were being sold by various book sellers all over the world and because they were limited editions the value attached to the books were incredibly high.
One of the booksellers in England had a note accompanying his auction for a book by my Grandfather.
“Description: Despatched from UK within 24hrs. Published by Self Pub. in 1968. Hardback without Dust jacket. Condition: Good. Used book but in Good Condition for sensible price. 410 pp. IIlustrated with line drawn maps. Green cloth covers with gilt text, covered with clear adhesive plastic film. Also included is a letter relating to the author and the possibility of series for the BBC based on the book.“
The last sentence was a total WHOA moment for Mom. A series for the BBC? What?
She wrote to the vendor to get more information and he kindly scanned the letter and sent it to her.
The interesting part transcribed:
…and he is currently discussing the possibility of making a TV series based on his book with the BBC…
That’s when it hits you. I knew my Grandfather was a writer but I didn’t realize (for lack of consideration) that he had this entire LIFE as a writer before I was ever here.
What blows me away is that he knew me as a student of theatre and then as a person working in the film industry and yet we never talked about this particular experience of his. It makes me wonder what happened and it makes me want to talk to him.
It makes me realize that as unattached my son might be to the story of me before there was a story of him, I need to write about it. All of it. We all do. All these little moments and details of our lives matter.
{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
What an amazing keepsake! I’d love a book filled with my grandparents writing. Even more astounding is the truth that the details of our lives matter. I am going to hold that close today.
Wow! Goosebumps!!!
I too struggle with the not knowing more about my parents lives, and their parents lives. So many secrets, and untold stories. I crave the opposite of that for myself and my boys. It is part of why I blog: so that the boys have a clearer picture of who I was before I was their mother. My hope is that in knowing me better they will know themselves better and have a greater appreciation for their history and their beginning.
On another note, this year I really want to participate in National Geographic’s National Genographic Project to trace my anthropological beginnings and hopefully gain an even broader perspective of who and what I’m made of. It seems like such an odd thing to do, but I really crave anything that contributes to greater understanding of who I am now. I’m curious about potential linkages to other parts of the world–people, places, things! I think it’s all very exciting.
Ahh, but the writing. Our lives do matter and so do our words.
What a fabulous find! I’ve regretted not mining the conversations I’d had with my mother, who loved to talk about herself and didn’t keep journals. My teenagers are now reading a copy of my memoir’s proof before it goes for the final round of changes. They are vetting it, since they appear in parts of the book, but more important, it’s them knowing that there is more and a before to a life of being a mom.
I’ve been saying that exact thing in recent weeks….”I need to write about it. All of it. We all do. All these little moments and details of our lives matter.” I wish I had something from my family that have passed on to look back on and read and dream about……
This is one of those “Aha” moments Oprah always talks about!
I think I will start that journal this weekend.
Wow! That’s a pretty cool find – I think it’s pretty amazing to find out about these bits of history. When we went to my aunt’s memorial service last year, we were somewhat surprised to find that she was kind of a big thing. She was a successful woman in the airline industry who wasn’t a flight attendant. There were photos of her with company bigwigs and it was awesome. We knew that she was a remarkable person, but finding these extra little things is just really cool.
Now that my dad has passed away, I truly regret that I don’t have some of his memories in writing. I wish he would have written about his life. All I have are my memories and a video that we took of him sharing briefly about some of his life experiences. I need to keep writing and write about my dad.
As a child, I was always desperate for information about my parents and other ancestors. I’d ask over and over for stories, and my father always gave me the same half a dozen stories. Now that I’m an adult, he has a lot more stories to tell.
My mother was mostly really tight-lipped about her life but over the years I gleaned bits and pieces — but in the half-hour conversation with my aunt when I notified her that my mother had died, I learned more than I’d have gotten from my mother over several years.
With others like grandparents, I always listen as much as possible and occasionally ask questions and file it all away in my mind.
Get the book of letters your grandfather made for you scanned right away!! There aren’t many things I’d save in a fire, but that sounds like one — but you wouldn’t need to run back into the burning building if it’s digitized and in the cloud.
So true. I’ve been meaning for YEARS to simply sit down with my relatives and interview them, and learn their history, to learn MY history, and just learn about them as people outside of their relationship to me. I’m hoping to make this a reality this year. Thank you for the added inspiration.
Wow that’s big. Very cool.
I come from a long line of proud dysfunction and people who had learning disabilities who were thrown out of school somewhere between 4th and 6th grade. Many of my ancestors could not read or write but were incredible mechanics.
To me what you found was completely amazing. It sounds like your grandfather was a very talented man with a very talented grandaughter.
My kids love to hear about the band and tour ALL the time. It took them till they were about 4 or 5 to get very interested.
This is invang i just opened tour blog because I had to distractie myself because I was nerveus About à lecture I am gisting this Night subject? T
Editing tour lifestory…..
You are so lucky to have that, and our kids are going to feel so lucky (I HOPE!) that we document as much as our lives as we do now. I don’t have the knowledge of the history of my parents and grandparents, and that saddens me, how much I don’t know and will never know about the people who made me and came before me. I am glad I journal and blog so much, I am glad I am leaving a record of my life, because you hit it – WE ALL MATTER.