The Long Nightmare

There was a voicemail on my phone waiting for me when I got back in the car after dropping W off at school this morning. It was from the nurse of the OB’s office that I am scheduled to go to tomorrow. The message was just a simple, “call me back this morning.” I waited until I got to the parking lot of the coffee shop before I returned her call.

Four minutes on hold and a different nurse from the one that left a message was then on the phone. Here is how the rest of my morning went.

Nurse 2: Hi. I am so sorry to have to tell you this, but we can’t see you at our offices tomorrow. Your insurance won’t cover what you need so I have a place to refer you to.

Me: um. Seriously? And the person that scheduled my appointment didn’t know this? And the person that called me Wednesday morning to confirm my appointment didn’t know?

Nurse 2: I am sorry. But this place will be able to help you.

I get the number. I start shaking. Because OMFG. SERIOUSLY? Could this be any shittier?

Yes. Times a million.

I call the number I was given and a nice woman takes my call. I explain that I was given her number by an OB’s office as they were not able to help me.

Woman: We can help you here. Don’t worry. What insurance do you have?

Me: ________

Woman: (sucks in air) Oh. Honey. I am sorry. But your insurance won’t cover this. You will need to be self pay. We can give you a discount though. $250 if you want to be awake, $350 if you want to be asleep. So you are looking at around $425 total as you need to pay for the ultrasound and the time to watch the video.

Me: Video? What?

Woman: Yes. Before the procedure you are required to have a 10 minute ultrasound where you are shown your baby. And then you need to watch the video about what happens during an abortion.

Me: WHAT? ABORTION? I am not having an abortion!

Woman: Well honey, you just called an abortion clinic.

I hang up.

I call the OB’s office back. In a rage. Because. Well FUCK.

Me: Do you realize you just gave me the number to an abortion clinic.

Nurse 2: Well. Um. Yes. We just don’t do those here.

Me: Abortions? I don’t need an abortion. I don’t need to watch a video about terminating a pregnancy. I AM NOT TERMINATING THIS PREGNANCY. THE HEART STOPPED!!

Sobbing I explain how very much this baby was wanted. The nurse apologizes. I hang up. I call my Mom and SOB SOB SOB.

I mean. Ugh. Just drag me through the wringer, Universe. Unfair.

Well, not like any of this is fair. There is no fair when it comes to making babies.

I got off the phone and just lost it in the car. In the parking lot. With little old ladies walking by going to get their hair done.

My phone rang and it was the original nurse that called me and left the message.

Nurse 1: Dresden. I can not apologize enough. I really can’t. There was a TOTAL miscommunication. For whatever reason the scheduler didn’t have any notes about what you were going through. We simply had you down for a termination. Since your insurance doesn’t cover that we tried to find you a place that could help you.

Me: It’s not a termination.

Nurse 1: I am just learning that and again I am so sorry. We CAN help you. Your insurance DOES cover fetal demise. But, and I hate to ask, but we just have no paperwork on you. Can you send us some records that verify fetal demise.

Me: Uh. Yeah. I can get the clinic to send you stuff.

Nurse 1: Great. Great. If you still want to come here you have an appointment for the morning with us.

Me: Ok.

I hang up. I am unsure what emotion I have.

I call the fertility clinic and ask to speak to someone about getting proof of fetal demise.

Front Desk Person at Fertility Clinic: Oh goodness. How soon do you need this?

Me: ASAP. Like by the end of the day.

Front Desk Person at Fertility Clinic: Wow. That might be hard. We had a fire at our clinic and the offices are closed right now.


Because. Of course.

Me: OMG! Is everyone ok? Are the labs ok???

Front Desk Person at Fertility Clinic: Everyone is fine. No one was there. But we don’t know how much damage was done.

Me: OMG!

Front Desk Person at Fertility Clinic: Dresden, I am going to figure out a way to get this paperwork to the OB. Don’t worry.


And that was my morning.


  1. says

    Oh honey. I’m so glad your mom is there to help you. Sending you stars and gentle hugs.

    This happened to me when I had my stillbirth. First, I had to get a pill to start the ‘labor’ and the pharmacist was a total bitch about it. She said, “You have to sign this form to say you know you are going to cause an abortion if you take this.” I said, “Well, he’s already dead, so, yeah, I’m aware of what I’m doing.”

    Our medical system needs quite a few fixes, compassion and common sense being one.

    I’m praying tomorrow is better.

  2. says

    I just. I can’t.

    I have seen some horror stories from the Land of IF, but this one is by far the worst.

    Not that that brings you much comfort, but I’m sitting here with my mouth open, tears pouring, and wanting to punch the hell out of someone (several someones) for you. I guess I just want to help verify for you that yes, crying and screaming and sobbing is necessary here. I always feel like I need to justify my tears and like I need permission to rage, because SURELY no one else would freak out like I do in certain situations.

    I love you, Dresden.

  3. sk says

    OMG I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine. My RE did my D&C’s, even with one being at nearly 12 weeks. It’s a miracle you are even remotely functional right now with all of this.

  4. Shannon says

    Omfg! There are just no words….I don’t know why the universe is being such a bitch but she really needs to stop :(

  5. says

    I have to admit I had wondered if you couldn’t get taken care of more quickly at an abortion clinic than the many days your doctor’s office was making you wait just to see them (but I wasn’t about to suggest that!). I am so sorry that all this has to be heaped on top of the trauma of your loss.

  6. Amy H says

    That is one of the worst stories I have heard. I am so sorry. This is unfair and horrible and many other things that I can’t find words for. I wish for you the strength to keep going and make it to the other side of this procedure. I’ll be thinking about you.

  7. Manapan says

    OMFG, sweetie! It’s like they found every possible way to make it worse for you. I am so sorry you have to deal with a shitstorm on top of an already terrible situation. Hugs.

  8. says

    What a terrible terrible sequence of events. I am so SO sorry at the worsening of this nightmare for you. Bless your heart. All my love.

  9. amanda says

    What. The. Fuck?!
    You have just GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!

    As if none of this was fucked up enough, that you needed more piled on top of you. I simply can’t believe they could make such a horrrific mistake like that. I am so beyond sorry Dresden. The fact that you even have to go through all this is fucking ridiculous.

  10. says

    Excuse my language but, Holy Shit Dresden. I’m so so sorry that your morning ended up that way. You of all people didn’t deserve to have a day like that. As horrible as this was, your writing was exceptional as usual. I felt like I was in the passenger seat of your car and all I wanted to do was hug you and curse out those nurses. Keeping you in my thoughts and heart, my dear.

  11. says

    I’m so so sorry that you had to go through this. It’s unbelievable how the nurses at the OB GYN could make such a mistake. It’s horrifying! And the fire at the fertility clinic? WTF?!?!?! Really so so sorry this nightmare isn’t over yet! Sending lots of love and hugs!

  12. says

    I’m so sorry you’re dealing with all of this. It is too much. I wish I could carry some of the pain for you. It’s too much for one person. I will keep you in my thoughts. I know we don’t know each other well, but I’m in the area and willing to help if there is anything I can do.

  13. says

    There are not enough F bombs in the world to express how utterly fucked your morning was. I am so, so sorry. And so angry with my government for the fucking video mandate.

  14. Emily Erin says

    Oh Dresden, I am so very sorry. This is just miserable and the universe can be one sick B*@CH sometimes. Hugs.

  15. Maresi says

    Jesus H. Christ.

    (This is how upset I am on your behalf, that I would say this in a comment.)
    I’m hoping and praying for better things to come, because this is seriously the absolute limit any person should be expected to take. I’m so, so sorry.

  16. katy says

    That is f*cking awful. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I can’t believe that insensitivity! Ridiculous. Sending out lots of love to you.

  17. Kate says

    Oh my god – that is just awful. Can’t find strong enough words awful. Virtual hugs. I don’t know if this sounds strange, but I hope that tomorrow only sucks in the way you expect it to and not it some new mind-fuck of a way.

  18. Holly says

    Fuck man. UNIVERSE! Enough is enough! Leave our Dresden alone!!!

    So sorry. Holding you up in thoughts, prayers and lots of love.

  19. says

    So, um, I don’t even know what to say to that series of events…other than, maybe buy a Powerball ticket next time there’s a huge jackpot, because you are obviously running through all the bad that can happen in one day, and you’re due for something exceptionally great.

    I’m sorry you’re having to go through all this. Are you still on sob mode or have you progressed to “If this weren’t actually happening to me, it would almost be funny because really? All of this at once?”

    I hope there are no further surprises in store for you (unless they’re good ones).

  20. Lisa says

    Oh my God. I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. So, so sorry. You’re right, none of this is fair. Hugs to you.

  21. Jennifer says

    because I have no idea what to say, as if saying anything could make you feel any better I will just /hugs to you. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Life can be very unfair :( <3 hugs again

  22. Bachelormum says

    Ps Dresden, I know this might not be any comfort but reading this makes me feel I’m not alone in the crappy stuff that happens in life. We all get it, it just comes in different piles crap xxx

  23. Rachel says

    Jesus H, Dresden.

    What kind of Hollywood-Upstairs-Medical-College-attending, no-professionalism-having cockamamie bullshit OB’s office is this? How does any doctor, nurse, intake dude, or rodeo clown with any experience in OB world actually write down “termination” instead of “fetal demise”? ::rips hair out::

    But I love you. And I will firebomb the shit out of all of these stupid places as soon as you give me the go ahead. Sheesh.

  24. Katie says

    I am so sorry! My baby’s heart stopped at 10 weeks and I had to get a D&C. It was so AWFUL and I sobbed a great deal. Its the worst level of disappointment, so my heart & prayers go out to you! I’m so sorry that you had to deal w/ such a level of ignorance, & unprofessionalism. They should have asked the proper questions to understand what was going on. Again, I’m so sorry and I cried after reading…

  25. says

    Oh. My. God.

    I agree… there are no words. This is like the worst, most barbaric, most fucked up script ever. It’s impossible that this happened to a real person. To you.

    I am so sorry.

  26. Kimmyann12 says

    I don’t want to give the name of the fertilty clinic away for your privacy but if the address is in the 8000 range they did indeed have a pretty big fire earlier in the week. I work a few buildings away.

  27. says

    FUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! Just seeing this. Absolutely horrified for you. Oh sweetie, this is just the suckiest of sucky! Horrid. Sending all my love your way.

  28. says

    OMG! I have no words to explain the tears in my eyes and goosebumps over my skin. I would have lost it in the parking lot too. I cannot believe that anyone, much less people at an OB office would mix up a fetal demise with a termination. Oh my I am just so sorry for you, I’m so sorry you have to deal with this, so sorry that people are being completely horrid. I’m just so sorry. I wanna hug you. =[

  29. says

    Well. That fucking sucks. I mean whoa.

    If anything like this happens again, you call me and I’ll make all the calls and get everything sorted out. Your own personal this sucks secretary.

    Love you.

  30. Lin says

    I had a nurse give me a lecture on what form of birth control I was going to use after my “termination”. I said I wasn’t interested. She said I needed to pick something and use it “so this doesn’t happen again!”. Still sucks, even years later.

  31. says

    Holy mother of God. What the hell? Ok, first off, I am so very sorry you had to go through all of that. It’s the last decision you ever want to have to make, and then for them to muck it all up and have you call an abortion clinic? Knife through the heart. Thinking of you and wishing this to be over for you as soon as possible. From my experience you’re just stuck in total grief and misery until your body no longer holds your lost little one. Much love being sent your way.

  32. says

    I am so sorry about all of this, D. This was the worst possible time for any hassle let alone being run around and insulted and misunderstood and not treated as a person.

    I hope that everything went smoothly today and that you were treated with nothing but kindness.

  33. Mamaintheburbs says

    I’m so sorry this is happening. I know all too well about IVF and miscarriages. It’s heartbreaking and such a let down. Stay strong and take time to heal. Sending you prayers!

  34. says

    Oh dresden this is the kind of situation for which the term ‘clusterfuck’ was invented. I am so very sorry to hear of the demise of your baby, and the appalling set of miscommunications that went on with the various clinics. Just absolutely horrible.

  35. says

    I just read this after I posted a comment to a different post. I am so sorry for your loss. Also, I am sorry for the horrible way you were treated. It’s not right. I send hugs.

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