Pushing through the tired

I wake up tired and I work tired and I am parenting tired and I am making meals tired and I am living, you guessed it, tired. My tired has a tired. I am guessing most of this fatigue is thanks to Tartan, but also some of it is because I am trying to cram in work into every square inch of my day. I think I am in a bit of a panic about work. Well, to be more specific, a panic about money.

I budgeted very carefully to try again after the ectopic but I forgot about some things. I forgot that medication will cost X a month. I forgot that weekly appointments with the pregnancy nurse at the clinic will cost me X a week. I forgot to calculate the extra gas money to drive to the clinic so often. I forgot to add in all kinds of stuff like that.

So I am scrambling – but thrilled to have this problem to scramble through. I know budgeting has curve balls (wait, is it a curve ball if it is more like “user error” and can you have a “user error” in a baseball analogy?) but every time an unexpected expense comes up I take way too long beating myself up over it before I let go and move on.

Mother has been really good about walking me out of the panic. She is very practical and of the, “it will all work out” fan club. I am thankful for that.

It has been a bit a zing to hear W mirror back to me some of the things I must be saying. The other day we were at the grocery store and he let out this loooooong sigh and exclaimed, “we need more cheese but we are all out of money”. In actuality I was trying to tell him that we didn’t need cheese because we had cheese at home. But hearing that response made me realize he is listening closely.

{I don’t actually consider this a bad thing – teaching W about money is something I consider to be very important. Just snuck up on me.}

Beyond all of this, I am feeling so hopeful about Tartan. Symptoms that I don’t remember having this early with W are daily now – things like organ stretching awareness and food aversion. Food aversion is so random. If I see a commercial for food, or think about a food, or smell food I feel green in the face. I also have this thing where after I have had a meal I will think about the fact that I just ate something and then feel green about it. So far there has been no actual ralphing, just gagging and greening.

Next friday is another ultrasound and I’m excited. Somehow between now and then I have to find an OB. My nurse at the clinic told me last week, “why don’t you use the OB that delivered W?” It took her a while to get/remember that I was an out of town patient for the clinic when W was made – so, um, my OB was in Florida. Ha.

So that is me.

Tell me about you.