i carry your heart with me

I have not been able to breathe this week. Every hour was just one more hour closer to friday. Today. The day that I pinned all of my hopes on. Today was an ultrasound day.

It would have been presumptuous of me to expect to see a heartbeat. But I expected it anyway. I have been chanting, “heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat, heartbeat” all week. Willing it to be. Desperate for it to be.

This morning I saw Tartan’s heartbeat. Everything is measuring perfectly. And I cross another day off the long list of hurdles to go.

I return to the clinic in two weeks and I am to have found an OB by then. (OMGOB)