A few weeks ago my Mother got ready to take W on one of their weekly weekend jaunts to Home Depot. They have a routine there that involves checking out all of the new flowers in the gardening section and watching any power tool demos. W has also made friends with several of the forklift drivers at Home Depot and they put on a good show for him. The kid loves a forklift.
So as I got W dressed and ready for their outing my Mother was getting herself ready. We all met down in the living room and I started counting down the moments to when I could dive into a work project.
My Mother grabbed her shoes and W looked at her and exclaimed, “wow! What’s THAT!!??”
It took Mother and me a moment before we realized what he was unfamiliar with: her skirt.
(she hadn’t worn one since before he was born!)
Off they went on their adventure and off I went to my desk to work. A few hours later they were home and exhausted and W was pouty. “I wish I had one. I wish I had a skirt.” Mother grabbed another skirt from her closet for W to check out and of course he was devastated that it didn’t fit him. That evening I emailed a friend to see if her daughter had any skirts that she had outgrown.
A week or so passed and W never mentioned having a skirt again.
This last week I went to the Philly Geek Awards. I decided to wear a long summer dress (with my chuck taylors). I came downstairs where W was bashing his monster trucks into his giant mixer and he looked up at me and gasped. “Mama! What is THAT?!!”
It was variety. Something different. New. Special. Mama was wearing a dress.
I was not surprised at all when he began asking for a skirt again the next day. When I picked him up from school on Monday and asked him where he would like to go for his good behavior reward (positive reenforcement for the win!) I was not surprised when he replied, “can we go to Target and get a skirt for ME?”
I was surprised that the skirt he picked out was a lively purple crinoline number.
He saw it immediately, didn’t want to look at or consider any other options. I could tell from the grin on his face that this was The Skirt. We swiftly made the purchase and were almost to the car before he started clamoring, “come on! Let’s get it on! I want my skirt!” So in the parking lot of Target I taught him that putting on a skirt is exactly like putting on shorts: one leg, then the other leg, and up. He patted the purple layers with affection and told me, “I have a skirt.”
The next morning my Mother helped W get dressed. I stuck my head into her room to rally him downstairs for breakfast. W was tucked up on her bed with Dora playing on her iPad. He looked up, smiled, unfolded himself and exclaimed, “I’m wearing skirt to school!”
This is when I had my moment of panic. I was 100% thrilled for W and his skirt, but what about the rest of the world? Would people be cruel to him? Would other kids crush his skirt spirit? If I tried to convince W to only wear the skirt at home because THEN no one else would see him in it and THEN no one would be an asshole to him was I being a good parent? You know, trying to prevent something…?
As W chomped down on his breakfast cereal I grabbed my phone and texted my friend Briar. Briar would TOTALLY have wisdom for me. Her son went through a wonderful tutu wearing phase for ages.
I texted: “He is wearing the skirt to school. Is there anything that I should say to W? To prepare him for any comments? Or do I just let it be?”
Briar responds: “Prepare him. 3 year old kids should be ok, but some will say stuff. We told [her son] that some people think there are certain clothes for girls and certain clothes for boys. We think they are wrong. We taught him to say, “anybody can wear anything they want” if taunted.
Armed with this bit of parenting genius I sat down at the dining room table next to W and began.
Me: I love your skirt!
Him: I love it too!
Me: Some people think that boys can’t wear skirts. But they are wrong.
Him: I am wearing a skirt!
Me: Yup! You can wear whatever you want.
And off we went to school.
We got there a bit early and the staff in the office delighted in W’s new attire. It is impossible to not grin when seeing him so happy. IMPOSSIBLE. We walked down to his classroom and one of W’s best friends walked up to him with, “Hey! Boys can’t wear tutus!”
W looked at her like she was crazy. “It’s not a tutu. It’s a skirt.” And he confidently marched into his classroom to find his favorite trucks.
I thought about him at school all day.
At pick up time my heart sank when I noticed a familiar crinoline sticking out of the top of his backpack in the hallway. I was bracing myself for a sad story that would break my heart. What events must have happened to have lead up to the removal of skirt?
I found W in the campers room reading on a bean bag. He dashed up to hug me and I caught the eye of one of his teachers. W didn’t look sad or crushed. He wasn’t acting like a kid that had his skirt dreams dashed. I asked his teacher, “so…everything go ok today?”
She told me that everything was fine. W happily wore his skirt until it was time to go outside to the playground and then he said he needed to take it off. OH PHEW!! Totally practical.
When we gathered his backpack he yelled, “my skirt! my skirt! I need to put it on again!” So we did.
I can not tell you how much this week of parenting W has taught me, shown me, blown me away. It’s just a skirt, no big deal. Except for when I didn’t blog about it. Or tweet about it. What was up with that? I convinced myself that I wasn’t writing about W and his skirt because it was private, personal. When I thought about it more I realized that I was afraid to write about it because I am oddly fumbling through it. I am terrified to make a wrong turn, terrified that I will damage this fantastic moment of pure joy. Not because I am not a fan of the skirt – I adore the skirt and I adore seeing W in it.
Also, as Briar pointed out to me, by calling this private I am saying that there is something wrong or embarrassing about what he is doing.
By writing this I am telling you, telling W, telling anyone who dares wonder or ask: there is nothing wrong with him wearing a skirt.
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I’m here to tell you that the boy really rocks the skirt (he will even sing to you, “I WUV WOCK N WOLL Get Your Skirt And Dance With Me!”) I may even look for a kilt for him, because he has the legs to make that work
too! I think what he loves is the fluid feeling that rippling the skirt has, and that it is FESTIVE and FUN and apparently special. I like that he figures out what gives him joy, and then he shares it with us all.
You might look at SportKilt.com. I bet W could choose an awesome tartan for himself. We got Tatoe’s kilt from them. (It’s still too big though, because we didn’t think it’d be practical until he starts walking all the time so we got the toddler size.)
He does rock the purple skirt! I had to laugh when I read this because it gave me a flashback to my now 17 year old cousin when he was 3 and I was his preschool teacher. He went through a knee-hi phase. Every morning instead of socks he had to put on a pair of my Aunt’s knee highs. He would take them off at nap time and put them back on after he woke up. Once he got home the knee highs were promptly taken off his legs and put on his arms as gloves. I don’t remember any of the kids in his class saying anything to him about it. I do remember other teachers and parents wanting to know why we “allowed” it. My Aunt’s answer was always, “If it’s not illegal, doesn’t hurt anyone and makes him happy then he can do it.”
Skirts are awesome! And W looks great in it. Good for you, mama, thinking through your issues and confronting them honestly. What a lucky boy he is.
When my daughter was about 4 she went through a period of really struggling with the idea that people think skirts are only for girls. “If boys can’t wear skirts, that wouldn’t be fair,” she would say. Fairness is a big thing with her. I would say, “Boys can wear skirts if they want to. But a lot of people think that skirts are for girls.” Her: “But that’s not fair.” Me: “That’s right, and really anyone can wear whatever they want.” We must have had this conversation dozens of times. It’s all part of the whole process of figuring out gender roles in our society. They are complicated and confusing, so no wonder it takes kids a while to learn them.
I really think that clothes for boys and girls are not fair. I mean, girls get all sorts of bright colors and sparkles and fancy fabrics and things that twirl and swing, and boys get…trucks. Or sports balls. Or maybe a dinosaur. I’m just saying, I totally get why boys would want a skirt. And W really does rock it.
I hope that if/when this happens to me I can be as awesome about it as you were/are. I think he would rock a utilikilt (maybe with some chuck taylors?)
He looks adorable in it! I get that immediate anxious feeling as well when Curly wants to wear something “girly” in public, but it’s definitely because I want to protect him, not that I think there’s anything wrong with it. And that fact that we feel that way at all is just sad. Right now, our boy loves to wear hair clips and we happily oblige.
Your boy is rocking the heck out of it. And that is one fabulous skirt. Go big or go home!
He looks so damned awesome in his skirt!!!! And you’re right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with him wearing whatever he wants to wear. I do understand your desire to protect him from people who are narrow minded in their perceptions of gender roles. We need more boys wearing fabulous skirts so they can change the world! Love you!!
Lovely post. My daughter wants a bracelet for her teeth after seeing someone with braces on theirs. She also wants a yamulka (skullcap) – I told her when we go to her cousins they’ll give her a spare one. I had one that my Grandpa gave me when I was a bout 3 and wanted to wear one too.
Oh, gosh. My daughter has wanted a wheelchair since forever. Why can’t she just want an eyepatch or hook like a normal girl?
OMG W is _almost_ as cute in his skirt as the photo of my nephew loving Sunshine’s (pink) ballet costume (leotard, tutu, and slippers). It astounds me that society sees NOTHING wrong with little girls wearing “boy clothes” (jeans, sneakers, t-shirts, etc) yet a boy in a skirt is (allegedly) something to scoff about… He looks so happy!!!
I have to admit the kids did not really bat an eye about the skirt. Nor did anyone else. I was kind of curious to see the reaction. And nada! Go W!! Boys just want to have fun!
Love him. Love you. Love the skirt.
That is one fantastic skirt! W has a great sense of style.
I love this post, love.
Thank you for sharing. I’ve got a similar one simmering in me about my son and his (very pretty, and colourful!) toe-nail polish.
You taught me something today. I’ve never had my kids ask to wear a skirt, but your positive response is one i’m keeping in my back pocket
I absolutely love it! My middle son went through a phase, albeit short, in which he wanted to wear skirts and dresses like me. His father, my now ex-husband, quickly squashed that. It crushed me, when after purchasing several used skirts for my son just the day before, he explained to me that “daddy said skirts are for girls and I can’t wear them.” He looked saddened, but his father stood next to him and gave him a high-five then said some things that I wouldn’t dare repeat about boys that wear skirts. It broke my heart, and honestly, 8 years later, that little boy still seems to have lost some of his imagination and innocence. ps- W totally rocks that skirt!!
I love this love this love this. Also, he clearly picked out the BEST skirt. (do they make those in fat adult size by any chance?)
You are absolutely normal for not being sure whether or not wanted to share this story. We bloggers are public people, and that’s totally okay, but it’s also okay to fumble through our own feelings before putting them out there and risk someone being a total asshole or making us feel inadequate (when they are wrong. just wrong.) until we have a good grasp on what we are feeling. Also, W is just as blessed to have you as a mother as you are to have such a deliciously creative and independent little redhead. God bless y’all!
Love. Love everything about this.
One of my friends worked at a store where they sold fairy wands, among all sorts of other stuff. There was a mom who came in regularly to shop with her son, and he always wanted a pink wand, but they were kind of expensive. One day he earned a treat from his Grandma, and he wanted the wand. So they all went in and bought it- he was on cloud nine!
I love that mamas (and even some papas) today are so ready to let their little boys be proud of who they are and what they want, regardless of gender “norms”. Good for you!
You need to check out my son’s friend, Noah Galloway- athlete and his Facebook page. They were in Iraq together and Noah lost an arm and a leg. There are some recent pictures of him working out wearing a kilt. They are just great.
You worry too much. But I’m glad you’re taking your anxiety out on the blogosphere rather than on W. And I’m glad you’ve gotten past it, because that is one awesome skirt, and I would be sad to miss out on W wearing it.
I LOVE this!! My almost 4 year old has his finger or toenails painted at most times (for the last 6-ish months). It’s amazing to me how many people think this is an odd thing (his swim teacher, his little gym teacher – especially since these people see kids all the time) and ask if I’m ok with it. Yes, I’m ok with it, I did it!
I wish it were easier to find “girl” color boy clothes that weren’t so formal, all the pink shirts I can find are dress shirts, he doesn’t need a dress shirt for day to day and he’s got some great plaid shorts that would look awesome with a pink t-shirt. (The girl cut is too narrow at his wider waist.
)
You rock almost as much as that skirt! W has great taste because that skirt is awesome and perfect.
Both you and your boy ROCK my world! Love his skirt.
I adore W.’s skirt. The image of him patting it so adoringly… Oh I love you guys!!
I also love love LOVE this. he wears it well — I would have picked the same one! — and now he knows what to say if taunted by other kids with closed-minded parents. you both rock.
it’s totally not fair that it’s less socially acceptable for boys to wear the fabulous clothes traditionally adorned by girls, when girls can wear anything really. plus “girl” clothes are just way too cute to be limited to just girls.
You are such a good momma!! It’s interesting because this prompted me to talk to my 4 year old son about it to see how he would react if a boy came to his school with a skirt on. He was the exact opposite of W’s friend he said boys don’t wear skirts, but tutus were acceptable because they are a costume. Like you I let him know that it is totally fine for boys to wear skirts and dresses if they want and that if he chooses not it is fine, but it is never ok to make fun of anyone no matter what.
Mason’s love is jewelry! He loves to play with mine, admire it in stores, & wear necklaces. He calls them his treasures and last night after coming home from my mom’s house with a new fish pendant he asked if he could have a jewelry box. He even called his dad and asked if he could make him a jewelry box to which his dad said he would be happy to.
It is so unfair that girls get all the shiny, sparkely, pretty things! Boys like that stuff just as much.
Me (just now): Riley, can boys wear skirts?
Riley: NO!
Me: yes they can! Anyone can wear whatever they want! Boys can wear skirts if they want to. Want to see a picture of a boy in a beautiful skirt?
Riley: yes! (looking at picture) that’s a boy! What’s he drinking?
Me: I don’t know but isn’t that skirt beautiful?
Riley: it is.
Great post Dresden.
So sweet. I am glad he chose to go to school in it and you chose to blog about it. My guys never rocked a skirt but they sure loved Hello Kitty for a while. I would of loved a skirt phase but alas it never happened. Good going Dresden!!
he looks so freaking adorable in his rocking skirt
Great job Mom!
They say that real men wear pink… if thats true then there is nothing wrong with a little boy wearing a skirt! He is going to grow up to be the most well adjusted, confident child ever!
High five from Kansas City! Love you, love W, love the skirt. XOXO
Remember a time when it was strange for girls to wear pants? Look how far we’ve come!!
I think my daughter Z has that same skirt. And I think your W rocks it just as well as my Z! Maybe they should hang out sometime.
I admire the HECK out of you for going with it and letting W get a skirt and proudly wear it to school. THANK YOU for sharing this publicly. THANK YOU for being such a clearly caring and open mom, someone who is ready to let your child be himself and embrace joy rather than trying to force him into one of those little “conform” boxes from day one.
As a mommy with two little boys and another boy on the way, I.LOVE.THIS.
Let them be who they are. Legos, trucks, and skirts. I liked the comment to this regarding prepping your son for his reaction to ANOTHER kid doing this. It’s not only important to support our own kiddos, but to teach them to support other kiddos. To not fill their heads with societal misconceptions about what boys or girls can or cannot do or wear, so that they will embrace their peers with enthusiasm.
You’re a great mommy, and the rest of us are so lucky that you shared this “private” moment with us, the adorable photos of your precious boy, so that we can put in perspective and see that all our struggles are really not that different.
I agree with Jen. Girls get all the fun stuff. Bright colors, sparkles, long hair, bows…. Boys get nothing. Superhero shirts are the big highlight. So I get it why he wants a skirt but I also get why you didn’t blog about it. Cam LOVES getting his fingernails painted, and the first time I did it, I was super nervous sending him to preschool that the other boys would laugh at him. Most of them thought it was cool. I was actually standing right next to him why a pre-k kids said that nail polish was for girls. Cam turned and said nope. I like it, so I wear it. And he walked away.
And he has great taste!
1) the skirt is beautiful. He has great taste.
2) Been there. My son’s favorite color was pink. My son was devastated when he didn’t get a new dress for picture day at daycare. (He got a new “button shirt.”) It never occurred to me that he’d want a dress like his sister. He got a dress a week or two later & we went to a fancy photography studio to take new pictures. My son and daughter wore matching dresses to church the week before Easter. One of the Moms came up to me and told me her son wore dresses when he was younger, too. She said that if my son ever needed a big kid ally can explain that pink is a boy’s color, too, just talk to her now teenage son. When school started, he stopped wearing dresses, and his favorite color changed to blue. It made me a little sad. However, I have been seeing more articles and blogs about boys that wear skirts, dresses, and other fancy clothes. I hope that number keeps growing so my son can feel comfortable enough to wear what ever he wants.
http://www.facebook.com/mensskirts
Men all over the world are starting to reclaim skirts as a part of men’s clothing. Hope this encourages your son.
Lurve. And FWIW, Just from this piece alone, I think you are one of the best parents ever, so-called fumbling and all.
THANK YOU!
I fucking love you.
You had a great response to the situation I think. I am a mom of 2 girls, so I haven’t had to deal with this situation, but I have always thought that it was incredibly unfair how girls can wear “girly” clothes or “tom-boy” or even “boy” clothes and are encouraged to try out all things, but boys are only supposed to wear “boy” clothes. My daughter has a skirt similar to the one W has and she has told me that “it swirls around her legs like the clouds swirl around the tree-tops”. All boys should get to wear clothes that feel fun like that!
Oh boy. I don’t think I could’ve floundered my way through that one at all. Your a much braver person than I, and that thought saddens me!!
I recall telling my own son not very long ago: “because dresses are for girls”. I thought nothing more of it then, and I hadn’t thought any more of it since.
Growing up the oldest of six girls, I’ve always been super adamant that my sisters not be confined to gender specific “rules”. Being told a girl shouldn’t, or worse can’t, do something because they’re a girl makes me batspit crazy! I’d be dammed if I let someone tell my sisters they couldn’t wear slacks, drive a car, couldn’t shoot a gun, hunt have a high paying job or even vote…
Now that I’m the mother of all boys…
Why didn’t this ever come up??
Thanks for opening my eyes a little bit.
It wasn’t too many years ago (1700′s) that many men wore very lacy clothes, high heels, and wigs and you can bet that is was men setting the fashions back then so I think that men really like all those colors and frills too. Your son is just honest and innocent enough to say so and who knows, he may bring the fashion back!
Awesome post…Sweet skirt!!
I think this is so very sweet. My son is 4 and the others at school have gotten to him. As much as I tell him it doesn’t matter and that anyone can wear any clothes, he still only wants to wear “boy” pajamas and everything else. I miss the sweet innocence they had when he shared everything with his sisters. He still rocks a tutu at home occasionally, but things have definitely changed. I loved reading this.
I tried to comment on BlogHer where I originally saw your post but the comment field is acting up.
Fabulous, fabulous post and quite timely too. This is now the third post I’ve read in less that a week where a parent is discussing this kind of freedom of expression in their boys and girls. The need for it and how it shouldn’t be discouraged.
We need more parents celebrating/championing this freedom of expression.
I love everything about this, but most especially that you shared it, that he has such great taste, and that he really does rock that skirt! Further proof that you’re both helping to change the world… Way to go all around!
http://www.facebook.com/mensskirts
Great mom you. First you knew to check your instincts, and had the perfect person to call at the tips of your fingers. My son wants to wear nail polish to school, I keep saying no. All my nails broke so no polish is out now, but if things change and he asks again, I’ll think of this post. When I do whatever it is I am gonna do. The skirt shots are precious beyond words.
Hi, I am quite hormonal today and I just came across the sweetest photo of a father in germany wearing a skirt, holding hands with his son who has a dress on. The story is in one of the (awful, awful, awful) tabloid newspapers in the uk, I saw it online, I have not read the whole story as the newspaper is awful and I dont want it to ruin such a lovely photo! Anyway made me think of this blog post. If you’d like to see the charming photo google daily mail dot co dot uk for today (31st aug). Emily x
I just showed the pix of W to my son and he said, ‘wow, he’s not Baby W anymore, he looks like a big little boy.’ No mention of the skirt. They are so much better than we are.
Oh my goodness W looks awesome in purple! I love his skirt, his attitude and the lessons he is teaching his adults!
Love it! My G is just a bit older than W and I wonder what I would do. We have the added factor that G has two moms, so I think I am extra sensitive about not wanting him to made fun of, like “jeez, he has two moms AND he’s wearing a skirt”, if you know what I mean. I’d like to think I’d handle it the way you did.
Amen, sister! My guy has been wearing sparkly pink shoes, tutus and dresses off and on for a year now. His toenails are currently blue, and for Halloween he wants to be Cinderella. We are totally letting him, because it makes him happy. Girl clothes are bright and shiny and FUN and you’re only a kid once.
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