Photo Credit: Onelovephoto.com
I am not married. I have never been married. But one day? I will be someone’s wife. I have it all figured out.
It was probably four or five years ago when I realized I was third wife material. I was giving internet dating a try and recognized swiftly that men in my age bracket were looking for something specific. I was not it.
Here is my theory: men from my generation typically have found their first love in college or grad school. They are happily married and creating families by the time they are in their early 30′s. A few years later that marriage has either thrived or died.
A failed first marriage prompts the turn of events that lead to the second wedding. The second wedding/marriage is also recognized as “everything the first was not”. The opposite bride. This could mean a very young bride/ trophy bride. This is the bride that tells the world, “SEE?! I can totally get a beautiful woman to marry me!”
If the 2nd marriage wasn’t built on solid ground it won’t last. We’ve all seen that movie.
Then comes the third act and three things can now happen to make this a truly successful RomCom: 1) the gentleman returns back to wife #1 and they make it work 2) the gentleman decides marriage will never be for him again and he just enjoys frolicking through eharmony for sport or 3) he meets me, in the library, and I let him borrow my pen.
I blew my chance to be someone’s first wife by only dating duds in college and after college I only dated musicians. Oh and I was also totally married to work.
I could never be anyone’s trophy wife because I am old and not fetching.
So third wife. That is where my love story will go.
Of course if you reread the first sentence to this post you will be reminded that I have never been married so I do not know what I am talking about.
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
You crack me up. You are best wife material!
I can’t wait to see what amazing man is lucky enough to have you as his better half! Btw, I’ve been watching entirely too much Sister Wives because when I read the title of this post, I thought about the Brown family. As I understand it, the third wife is typically the peacemaker after the second wife drives a wedge between the husband and his first wife. But I like your version of the third wife better! =)
This explains the pinning of plaid wedding dresses lately.
A girl has to plan…
You and me both, babe. Although, you are totally fetching, just saying. Anyway, I am just hoping that there ARE some men out there that realize that they need to do it right second time around so that I can be the successful second wife story. Maybe these are the guys that worked REALLY hard trying to make the first marriage a success, and hung on for a long time. So we know they’re not going to give up at the first sign of trouble. Something like that.
I’ve said that! Well, I’ve usually said 2nd wife, but can totally see that I missed trophy wife. I don’t qualify for that one so I guess I’m up for third as well. Though I have lamented that it isn’t fair for people to start on seconds before some of us have had firsts!
Might I suggest you CHOOSE first husband and father to your child as oppose to filling 3rd wife slot. 3rd wife slot is closer to being “I hate cooking and cleaning and I don’t want to be alone when I die” spot.
I totally understand where you are coming from, as I had similar thought about myself. I ended up dating outside my self-imposed parameters and found the love of my life. He is 11 years older than me, was never married and wanted kids! Perfect fit. He’s out there for you too.
First of all – you are supremely fetching.
Second of all – This is funny stuff!
I suggest that you marry my brother-in-law. He just broke up with his long time girlfriend. He is younger than we are, but he’s totally excellent husband material.
“Old and not fetching”! You can’t be serious in thinking this about yourself. Please say it was just a little bit of humorous self-deprecation! Maybe not fetching in a paper and slippers way, but you, my love, are gorgeous inside and out. And not all relationships follow such a formula. You are lovely wife material, you fortunately have not been pulled into the desperation trap and accepted allowing any old shmo to share your beautiful life with you and W. He will be very special indeed. Kind of makes me think of “Practical Magic” and Aiden Quinn coming into Sandra Bullock’s life with his one blue eye and one brown eye.
. You just never know where he will come from.
Do you remember me in high school? I had it all figured out! No man was ever gonna tie me down, I was gonna be a super woman single mom of one – by choice! I was gonna be an artist living in a shack down by a gorgeous creepy louisiana swamp. Mmmhmmm… I live in a Montana desert, married for 12 years with a 10 1/2 year boy.
Goes to show how thinkin you have it all figured out can go- lol. Funny how life turns out.
He is out there. I love you!
I was totally in the world of polygamy when I saw this.
Also, you are fetching. And younger than me.
My brother just married his 3rd wife on August 3rd. I do believe he is the happiest he has ever been his entire adult life. First wife – he thought was love. 2nd wife was opposite of first wife – horrible marriage. 3rd wife – they were just going to shack up until she lost her mother to cancer and my brother was her rock and she finally agreed to marry him.
I reckon u wld make a great number 2 wife. Avoid number ones like the plague, if they haven’t got their emotional life together enough to have committed to a rship by now they won’t. Number twos though, they still have hope – as long as they haven’t only just split – I made that mistake with my ex – five years later I had to get out. He still hadn’t dealt with his baggage. Number 3 cld be getting a bit old in The tooth, knows its too easy to get in and out of rships. You are a spunky lady, you’ll be fine … Just avoid the older college duds and musos. Go for a bloke who has kids and wants a lovely wife to share families with x
My URL, I forgot x. http://www.bachelormumstyle.com
Hey you once called me third wife material, and yes I’m thinking you were right.
I laughed out loud when I read this post because I’m currently dating someone who has been married twice. Maybe I’m third wife material? One day at a time grasshopper.
I was a third wife when I got married at age 22. He left me right before our 4 year wedding anniversary for a 19 year old. On the one year anniversary of our divorce I had our second baby. The divorce hadn’t taken. Then a few months ago, I found out that he was cheating on me with my 18 year old cousin. Yea, that was it for me. Now, I am in a relationship where if we got married, I would be his first wife. So, all kinds of situations happen. And he is 33, my age, gainfully employed, not a lot of issues, except one. He lives in England. We can work around that.
I was about to say that is exactly how I met my husband. You will love the UK. Then I thought…shit! What if it IS my husband!
You my love are completely fetching
My sister is on her second marriage for her husband this is his third. They have been married for almost 30 years. He had one son when they met and went on to have three together.
Yep…. third time is a charm.
You’d make anyone a good man a great partner.
Pfft! You are so fetching I just got all pfft up in here.
You’re amazing. First, third or whatever.
Was also thinking you meant polygamy and was totally hoping you were thinking more Margene than Christine though they both have their charms LOL
Age is relative and you are very fetching. Btw – I am also planning to be a wife of someone’s old age. Once DD is old enough to go off and live her own life I’ll need a wealthy dining partner and traveling companion to treat me to a fantastic old age.
Second wife has been pretty good for me, but I can totally see your point!
I L-O-V-E this post! As a choice mother as well I can totally relate – I’m getting older (shhhhh don’t tell) and everyone my age (getting to be late 30′s) seems to have been married and now getting divorced – I don’t want that mess.
How about in 10 years when my son is 15 – I think I may be ready.
Seriously LOVE this post – I can so relate!
Lol! I love this. I think it describes me a bit too although I also feel like I’ve gotten pretty set in my ways and sort of like living alone.
No, you aren’t fetching. You are beautiful…inside and out.
And, being a third wife can rock. I’m a third wife and we’ve been together for 20 years and have been married almost 18 yrs.
My partners grandmother (technically his great aunt, who raised her sisters children after she died) was a third wife! It was her first marriage and his 3rd and they were together for 40 something years.
This is great! I was just having this same thought the other day as I am 40 and never married, so I was wondering what was left as a lot of my friends are in their second marriages. I often joke that I didn’t marry because I dropped out of college after my junior year and missed what was termed at my school as the “Senior Scramble.” When people realized they were about to head out into the world and needed a partner. Not the first wife because I missed the scramble. Not a trophy wife so not the second wife. I figured if I ever do get married it will be to someone who’s trophy wife grew tired of them and threw them back.
I think you are quite fetching!
And that you should never go to the library without a nice assortment of pens.
I just have to tell you, that I loved this post so much I had to call my mother to share it. As a divorced mother of 1 trying to figure out how/when/if to re-enter the dating world this just rang so true to me! Love your blog and wish you all the best!
Here (late) via the Roundup.
Ha! Count me among those who (a) consider you fetching and (b) endorse the third-wife status since I’m living it. Though, quick tip, if you want to have more children with him, make sure he didn’t get snipped in marriage #2. Just sayin’. ‘Cuz, unlike the younger and more naive (back then) me, you’ll know what you’re getting into with the infertility treatment road.
For my DH it was more (a) marriage #1 — young (immature, might we say?) love; (b) marriage #2 — true love, he’d have stayed with her forever, but the feeling proved less than mutual over time; (c) me. I’ll note he’d gotten past (b), at least the true love part, by the time I rolled around, though I’ll note that as they have kids (now adult) together, she’s never dropped off the map. But honestly? We are all on friendly terms now. And it wasn’t so far from the library-pen scenario that started me toward wife #3 status, so, right, carry good pens.
I will note that I recently said something to him about wife #4 and he said, “Darling, I’ll never marry again after being married to you,” and I laughed and said, “How shall I interpret THAT?” and he said, “Anyway you can,” so … yeah. Oh, and I tell him he’s not entitled to a mid-life crisis because he’s already had one: me. Which is to say that I think a certain sense of humor goes well with 3rd wife status, and in that regard you are well qualified, as this post shows
!