
The last year has been a roller coaster. And a financial nightmare. Jobs have been lost. Homes have been lost. Pride has been lost.
We have begged for extensions, scrounged for gas money, had to learn to accept help like never before. And now we are navigating the waters of public welfare assistance.
I signed us up for WIC back in December – and let me tell you, not worrying about formula was a godsend. It’s not as helpful now that our son is a toddler, but still…we are grateful. We finally had to admit we needed more help. There was no more money. Nada. No money for cat and dog food. No money to put gas in the car. No money for childcare so I can job hunt. No money for food. No money for food.
I put it off and I put it off and I put it off. I didn’t want to need welfare, food stamps. I don’t want to need help. I don’t want to have failed so badly as to need public assistance. It hurts. It’s embarrassing.
And quite honestly, the process of applying for assistance is just as humiliating. You would think that the people working for the welfare office would have some compassion, some empathy. Not so much. Maybe they are hardened to all the stories they hear – I get that. Years of customer service made me so not sympathetic. But this is life or death. On one end of the phone is me, crying, explaining that no I CAN’T drive down to the office because I can’t even put gas in my car. On the other end is a woman who sounds utterly unmoved, brushing past my tears to coldly inform me of options, making me feel as though I’ve just been processed, stamped, and loaded onto another conveyor belt. Empathy is not something these people have. Maybe the new ones, the ones who are there because of some idealistic thought of helping. But most have been broken.
But we survived the process, and came out the other end with an EBT and 6 weeks of past SNAP benefits. I have never been so happy to grocery shop in my life. Never. Because Hubby is out of state, and P doesn’t really eat much, and I really just needed produce, what we get is more than enough. Especially with that cushion of the past owed monies. I went nuts at Produce Junction. Absolutely nuts. I have so much juice from all that produce.
Unlike WIC, SNAP works like a debit card, so no dirty looks from anyone. With WIC you have this very strict process and checks that have to be entered just so. Which turns a trip for 8 items into a nightmare. And annoys the shit out of the people in line behind you. With SNAP, it’s just swipe, enter pin, and go. No one needs to know their tax money just paid for your food.
With the way things have been going this last year, it may be a while before we can stop using the stamps. Income requirements are actually fairly high-ish, so even if one of us finds work, chances are we will still be able to get some money toward food, just less than what we get now (the max). I desperately hope that things take a turn for the better very, very soon. Living life like this is entirely too stressful. But we have a roof over our heads, so that in and of itself is a blessing.
Listen, if you’re struggling, look into SNAP. Like I said, there is a good chance you qualify, and anything is helpful, right? Just be prepared to have any and all of your finances examined under a microscope.
But really, pride goeth before the fall, or something like that, right? Healthy food on the table vs. my pride? It’s a no brainer.
I am off to bake breakfast muffins, homemade bread, vegetable spreads. Oh, happiness is fresh food. It sucks to be here, but my gratitude is boundless.
About the guest blogger: Genevieve is a writer, a mother, and a tattooed lady. She is a photographer, a hippie, and she LOVES to come up with healthy food concoctions. Also? She crochets. Read her blog Out of the Petri Dish…and Into the Fire and follow her on Twitter at @AttilaTheHippie.
The photo in this post belongs to Genevieve.











{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Genevieve, thank you so much for sharing. That is most courageous as well as inspirational AND informational. It is so hard to be forced to be so vulnerable, especially at a time when you feel stripped naked of every semblance of self-worth and pride. And then to need so much strength and perseverance to fight through The System to reach for the help that is THERE for those circumstances, but the barrier to entry is manned (and womanned!) by people who, as you said, have forgotten how to care at the individual level at which you are living.
Having gone through the job loss and the seemingly incomprehensible seach for the next one, I know how hard that hits one’s heart and gut and sense of self. When Dresden had to advocate through The System in 3 different states (the Loss State, the Waiting State, and the Eventual State), it broke my heart over and over. And each of those states were F’d up in totally different ways so it was not as if you could extrapolate the experiences of lessons learned!
I am so glad you all made it through the trial-by-brick wall, and I know you will find the job lucky enough to have you. And I wish I could come over and eat some of your cooking (home made bread and vegetable spreads? YUM!)
Thank you for putting a real story, a real life, a real person as a face of this experience. People need to know, and feel, how hard it is to be helped and how no one wants or seeks to put themselves through these brambles willingly. Best of everything to you and yours
Oh my, been down that same road. While struggling to avoid government assistance, we tried having garage sales every weekend. Since we were in foreclosure, in made sense to get rid of our excess stuff before the inevitable move. It also gave us a little money for gasoline and prescription drugs. However, our town had issues with our garage sales and shut us down for being a public nuisance. They gave us a ticket for not mowing, then gave us one for letting our lawn die. If it weren’t for baby kisses and my wonderful husband, I might not have made it through.
In looking back at all this, I did learn a few important things. First, local churches are a wonderful source of compassionate help. They hooked us up to the local food bank. They walked us through the assistance application process, made all the copies we needed to submit and made sure we had all the proper documentation. They also hooked us up with some charitable groups that paid our water bill and got us caught up on our other utilities. They were very compassionate and non-judgmental. More than once they dried my tears and made me feel like less of a failure.
If I were to go through this again, I would make some changes. First, I would have applied for assistance a lot earlier than I did. I made it alot harder than it needed to be by waiting. Second, I would have filed for bankruptcy sooner to lift that burden of bills I couldn’t pay instead of making partial payments with money I could have used to buy meat or gasoline. Finally, I would have given the burden to God and not let pride and failure make me such a depressed mess.
There are so many of us with similar stories. I think back on all the stories of the Great Depression and what those people went through with no government assistance. It was a time when you were judged a failure by your community when you lost your home and/or job. We have it better than they did, but it is still very hard. When you are on the bottom, the only direction to go is up.
I hear ya. I am a single mom working full time, and I still qualify for food stamps. I work overtime almost every week, yet I still qualify for food stamps. And daycare aid, and health care, and rental assistance. I hate needing help- I nearly have my Masters degree for the goodness sakes! However, that safety net is there for a reason- I am glad that you finally got the help you need.
Good luck with getting back on your feet! I hope everything works out for you! Namaste!
One–I don’t think having the need for assistance should be considered a failure on your part–there are a lot of things about our current economy that are broken, and many people who would not ordinarily be struggling have fallen on difficult times.
Two–you shouldn’t feel guilty or embarrassed–your tax money helped to pay for these services too, why shouldn’t you benefit from receiving services when you really need them?!!?
Three–I definitely empathize with how you feel, because I am about to begin my own journey into the welfare system–I stopped working to go back to school, so I have no insurance; found out we were finally pregnant (How’s that for timing?); now only able to go to school part time (Thank God, my Mom is able to care for my son while I am in class); also ended up having another major surgery within a few months of my child’s birth (Did I mention I have no insurance?); and the hits just keep on coming…. Hopefully, we will be able to get some assistance. As much as I am not looking forward to the whole process, we have to do what we can to get by until things (hopefully) get better!!! I just pray that we will actually qualify for some help!!! Good luck, and God bless you and your family, as you work to get back on track=)
I completely agree with Dolores. Don’t feel bad – you PAID for these benefits. When you worked and things were going ok, you paid your share of taxes. Now it’s time that the government helps you out when you fall on bad times. They’ve used your money for years…
Last year I encouraged my boyfriend to apply for food stamps. He had never considered it and he didn’t think he would be approved. However his take home pay had decreased 40% due to a child support order and he was dealing with a lot of expenses in just getting back out there on his own again (his ex physically destroyed almost everything he owned of value). He applied, and was approved! Now he doesn’t have to borrow money from family for meals — or gas or clothes either for that matter. Most importantly, he can focus on his college studies as well (he’s enrolled part-time — full-time college students can’t collect food stamps). The goal is to get off of them eventually….but in the meantime, we all need to eat!
amen sista, been there still doing that. Pride goes away when im feeding my kids. I will make it though.hugs!
You did what you had to do to feed your baby! There is no shame in that. You applied for and qualified for a program that is meant to help people. I do agree with Janet Graham in that it is best to apply early for programs. It is also important to keep looking for more programs. They have so many smaller programs that most people don’t even know about. I was in a similar situation when my now ex husband left our son and myself back in 1997. I lost my car to the repo man, had to sell or give away everything we owned and we had to move from CA to NC. I went from a 2 br. house on a military base with no utilities to pay for, a husband with a pay check and my pay check.
In NC my son and I moved in to a 1br. apt. with all yard sale or hand me down furniture. My parents did all that they could to get it set up for us. When I found out we qualified for the child care subsidy, WIC, Food Stamps, Section 8 Housing Rental Payment Assistance, Medicaid and the food pantry I was so happy! Before that time I was letting my son who was nearly 2 eat first to make sure he got enough then I would eat after he went to be. Times were very tough. I now had to go to the laundry mat to wash our cloths and that was really expensive. I no longer had a car so we took the bus or walked. Going to the grocery store became an all the time thing because I could only carry so much. While at the food pantry I became friends with one of the volunteers and she told me about a single mom support group that met once a week. It provided free child care, dinner, classes and some day old bakery goods! She was a true friend and helped me so much. The group was wonderful and I was introduced to another group run by UNC-Chapel Hill and the Jordon Foundation. This was a week long single mom group with free lunch every day, classes and at the end a check! I really needed the money! By the way the Jordon Foundation is run by Michael Jordon’s mother! If you keep looking and have a great attitude people will let others know about you and you will get more offers of help!
I remember finding out (long after the fact) that when my children were little we more than qualified for food stamps. Funny thing is my upper middle class background left me with no knowledge of the programs available or what the income levels were. (actually not so funny, sad!) We lived outside Harrisburg so you couldn’t get anywhere without a car-this meant when I had to take my daughters to their early intervention program and to pt/ot/and speech I had to run my husband to work in the morning, drive where we needed to during the day and go back and pick him at at 10pm! Can you hear those cranky babies of mine now? Wow, I do not miss those days. It would have solved so many of my problems if I’d just not been too proud (and yes, too dumb! LOL) to ask if help was available. I think one of the things we need to teach children in school is about public assistance, what it is and why people get it. If only to humanize their attitudes toward people they meet in life who need assistance. There’s nothing wrong with needing assistance, what’s wrong is not knowing it’s there and stigmatizing it.
Hello am Jennifer from UK i wanna thank Dr Paloma for what he has done for me at first i taught he was scam but until i just decided to follow my mind.i told him that my ex lover which i loved with all my heart left me for another all Dr Paloma did was to laugh and said he will be back to me in 3days time i taught he was lying on the 3rd day my ex called me and said he wanna see me,i was shocked then he came over to my place and started begging that he was bewitched,immediately i forgives him and now we are back and he his really madly in love with me.All thanks to Dr Paloma he indeed wonderful incise you wanna contact him here his is private mail palomaspelltemple@yahoo.com
- I am kasha i lives in uk and i was in a serious relationship with my ex guy for three good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us.. Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to one of the spiritual diviner (maduraitemple@yahoo.com).at first i thought it was not going to be possible and i contacted him i was ask to come up with a little requirement,so i did what i was ask to do, after 3 days i was in my office when my ex guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me,so ever since we have been happily married with one kid my lovely baby(Ceslav)…i wish you the best of luck…