Once upon a time, on a Mother’s day in the 80′s, my Grandmother gave me a toy doctor’s kit. She told me it was a Mother’s day gift for me as I was such a good Mother to my cat. (I imagine it was more that she knew gifts would be passed out that day and as a kid I would feel left out.) It was pretty mind-blowing to be that age and thought of as a Mother – but it was empowering. And special. I felt the weight of the possibility of something like a day to honor Mothers and I carried it with me as I grew and shaped my thoughts about motherhood.
W is now at an age where he knows what Father’s day is. Yesterday he brought home a craft from school – a tie decorated with tissue paper squares. The knot of the tie said “Dad” and the bottom said “love, W”. I pulled the craft out of his backpack and W looked up and said, “it’s for Daddy’s but I made it for YOU!” And he was so proud – as he should have been as it was a great art moment.
That memory of receiving a gift on Mother’s day flashed into my mind and I smiled – I decided that I would get W a gift for this Sunday. He knows that his family doesn’t include a Dad at this moment but I want him to know that if he decided to be a dad and is lucky enough to experience Fatherhood that there is a day that will celebrate it. I want W to hear about great Dads and traditions with Fathers – and I don’t think hearing them will necessarily make him feel excluded. I hope that they will be inspirational, aspirational, muppetational (sorry. couldn’t resist)
There are enough stories about absent fathers in the world. I could tell my version and I am sure many of you have your own history, but I don’t want that to muddy up the waters of my child’s future. I am the Mother of a son; a son that I hope very much will fall in love and be loved. A son that I hope will get to experience the absolute magic of parenting.
I want him to not feel that something is missing on a day like Father’s day but think about how one day he will have someone making him a tissue paper tie.
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This is a really beautiful post. And that is a really amazing tie. W is lucky to have you.
I love this idea and this take on the holiday. You rock!
I love this and I love you and W.
Good.
And Grandmother was pretty cool.
Lovely, really lovely. I spoke to Sunshine’s teachers earlier in the week, so she could make something for my mother’s husband. I wrote “zayde” (Yiddish for grandfather) for them on a piece of paper, since that’s what she calls him. They handled it terrifically. Her construction paper “tie” is pretty cute, too.
Big hug, Mama!
You (and Millie) have the neatest ideas. Amazing women, both of you.
Beautiful post!
When my Kinders were making Father’s Day gifts, one of my little girls said that she didn’t have a father (I knew that, but I like them to make their own choices and not feel left out). A few of the kids have parents that they are estranged from in one way or another, and we had a beautiful talk about Father’s Day celebrating any man in your life that loves you and takes care of you in some way (I knew they all had amazing grandfathers). It was really a teachable moment, and it resonated with me too, as I know someday my little girl will have similar moments in school.
W’s tie is amazing, too!
Awwww! I remember making Father’s Day gifts for my mom too. W is so lucky to have you as his uni-parent.
A lovely idea and one we may pinch! BB’s nursery has so many kids from non-traditional families that they’ve renamed these days “I Love You Day”
You and your Grandma are great. The pre-school less so. How many children are in one class that the teacher doesn’t know if a child has a father or not? She could have written MOM on the card. In Israel we don’t even have mother’s day anymore. We have Family Day which celebrates all different types of family arrangement and honours the significant adult(s) in every child’s life.
Love your approach this this!
We’re embracing the uni-parent thing – my youngest has a card and presents for me that my eldest (who does have a dad) helped him choose and make. We’ve decided that Mummy is short for MummyDaddy – since I am both! I also want him to have a notion of Daddy as someone who loves and cares for him, so that he takes that into his adult life when he becomes a Dad. Happy Father’s Day!
Thank you! Today my son said “Tomorrow is Father’s Day” in a sad voice. Dealing with Father’s Day has always been a challenge. Today, I talked about how someday he might be a Dad, and I would be happy to celebrate that with him. I told him I know he’s going to be a good dad by how he treats our cats, and other people in his life. He changed the subject at that point, but it was a very different way of looking at the day…for both of us.
What a beautiful awesome perspective! And so totally healthy and empowering for W. Kevin dreaded Father’s Day because he did not have a Dad. So he is still getting used to actually enjoying the day as a “father”. You are such a smart cookie!
W is beyond lucky to have you as his parent. You are truly both a mother and a father. You will be fortunate enough to see your lessons and influence passed down to his children one day and know in your heart that you raised an excellent father.
Now it’s time to grab a glove and start playing catch. lol
Have an awesome Father’s Day.
THANK YOU! Sunshine wished me a happy Father’s Day this morning with a huge smile. I think I would have totally brushed it off as her not really understanding if it hadn’t been for this post and the comment from Manapan about celebrating her mom on Father’s Day. Instead, I asked her if she was saying that since I was kind of both mommy and daddy. She enthusiastically said, “Yeah!” And we hugged and kissed. I was still kind of discounting it when I realized that she absolutely gets that mommies and daddies are parents, as opposed to other relatives, and other people she loves, like teachers and babysitters. This morning I had GMA On tv in the background. It was right after a segment showing viewers’ Father’s Day messages that she turned to me and said, “Happy Father’s Day, Mommy!” I really do think she understands that today is about celebrating a parent. Wow! Thanks! xoxo
awesome,
I’ve often thought of about this. Your grandmother was an amazing lady as are you. Such a fierce, supportive mother.
Given the fact that more women are opting for single motherhood and more women are opting for parenting by themselves and don’t want to be involved with men, marriage is going down, and the way men end up after divorces in the Court you are probably not raising your son with a realistic idea as in the future as there is a huge possibility that he may not have someone to give him a tie on father’s day because he can’t get pregnant and if he finds a woman most likely he would end up lossing the children after a divorce.
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