Politics. You can’t miss it right now. Every night a new city hosts a new debate or another attack ad blasts on the radio. I don’t write about politics here, not really. But in a sideways way, when I have written about my family’s experience with health care, unemployment, and public assistance I have been sharing how my life has been caught in the net of politics.
Recently I read that Food Stamps will play a large factor in the presidential race this year. Some have, perhaps in an attempt to insult, called President Obama “The Food Stamp President”. I hope he does not take offense at such words. I hope he sees that it makes him infinitely more relatable than a candidate that is out of touch with the reality of our hungry nation.
During his election years Reagan painted a portrait of a woman he claimed to exist . She was called the “Welfare Queen” and she was a terrifying entity to think about. Imagine a woman who cheated the government! She somehow earned 6 figures from scamming, had fake deceased husbands (that provided her with multiple social security numbers), gave birth to 2 babies a year (that she fed soda she got from her large food stamp account) and of course she wore designer clothes and drove a Cadillac. And she was coming after YOU for YOUR hard earned tax dollars. According to CNN we should be on the look out for this Welfare Queen this year.
I’ll let you in on something – I drove a Cadillac and used food stamps.
My Grandmother was incredibly fond of the car and it belonged to her. It became mine after her death. When I was pregnant the service engine light went on and I was terrified. We had no money to even ask someone to investigate what was wrong much less pay someone to repair the car. When we had to leave Florida we packed up our entire lives into the Cadillac and at one point wondered if we would need to live in it before we found a place to stay. As the months went on and our financial stresses became heavy we slowed down our use of the car because we could not afford the gas.
When I came out of the grocery store one afternoon and saw that someone had backed into the car breaking the red tail lights into a fine powder on the asphalt I collapsed into tears. Of course no note was left on my window, no one had witnessed it happening. All we could afford to do was purchase red tape from an auto store and tape recreate the shape of the light.
More things began to beg for attention. The air conditioning stopped working. We rolled down the windows. The heat stopped working. We put on extra clothes and tried to force in heat from the engine. Driving in the rain was a nightmare without defrost working. The rear windows could no longer be lowered.
But we were so lucky. Seriously. We HAD a car. We had the ability to go to the grocery store and use our food stamps and purchase food. We had a car that allowed me to drive the thirty plus minutes to my freelance web work – the only job that was bringing in any kinds of funds for us. We had a car that allowed Mom to drive to job interviews and training seminars.
In every state where I applied for benefits I declared that I owned this car. It was no sneaky secret that I hid from the government. In fact several case workers were relieved that I had a vehicle because many families don’t. Many families get to the point where they have to sell their car and then what follows is that they are no longer able to get their children to school, to the doctor, or get food from the grocery store.
I drove a Cadillac and I used food stamps – the butt of all of the “Welfare Queen” jokes. My son wore designer clothes and I used food stamps. We were so blessed to have friends gift us with hand me downs. I had a cell phone and I used food stamps. Without a phone I would not have had a way to work.
Almost a year after moving to Philadelphia we were in a position to trade the old Cadillac in for a new used car. It was oddly a sad moment for us. This car was one of the last tangible links that I had with my Grandmother. It had been a life saver for us. Literally the vehicle to a new life.
There is this anger out there that people on food stamps should not have things. And certainly not GOOD things. And oh my goodness NOT a Cadillac. I think people are under the assumption that if only the Welfare Queens on food stamps would simply sell their car that they would be so much better off.
Chew on this: our Cadillac was worth less than one month’s rent of a studio apartment.
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I’m really appreciating these posts – and as a former CYF caseworker – I am all too familiar with the hardships people can face. I think some people cheat the system. I think most people are victims of the system. Way to keep on and overcome! And keep sharing your story – because others will find encouragement and perspective!
Another powerful post from you! Thanks for sharing your story and I hope a lot of people will read this and maybe reconsider what they think they know for sure about “all those people” who are getting any kind of welfare assistance. There are so many so very unique and often very sad stories, but I guess that’s too complicated for Romney or Gingrich or whoever else to understand.
And the more the Republicans accuse Obama for trying to turn the US into a “European welfare state” the prouder I am to be a citzien in one of them. I firmly believe that life for so many US citiziens would improve if you’d get even just a bit of your European welfare system.
ehm, there’s a typo in the last line *headdesk* It has to be “our” European system, of course
You stole the words right out of my mouth.
Another powerful post. I want everyone in state government to read this series.
I so appreciate this post. In today’s world where people with multiple degrees have been laid off, when people have lost their homes, when one can require the aid of unemployment assistance for two years and still not find a job, it apalls me when people who have more want to begrudge those of us with less, well, even less! It shows a huge detachment from real people on their parts. I remember when we were on state insurance when I was pregnant and the months after I gave birth that there was a threat we might have to share our bank account balance every month and that if we showed a balance of more than $300, we could be cut off. Our rent was $1500 a month alone, and we were barely able to pay that (image, though, if we’d had to share our account balance before the rent check was cashed). Because we live in a state with such disparate costs of living, we didn’t qualify for any other government assistance–not WIC, not foodstamps, not anything, but we were scraping change together to buy a few carrots. I’m sure to the out-of-touch in Washington, we should have just found a cheaper place to live, but we live where a studio apartment doesn’t cost much less than the tiny two-bedroom we lived in. Those government programs don’t account for that though, do they?
Anyway, thank you. I’m glad you had that car; you deserved at least that, at least something that would help propell you to this new life, and I’m so happy to see you where you are now. xo
You write the best posts.
i do appreciate reading these posts. It shows that I am not alone.
Any nice clothes I may own. I buy all used at the goodwill ect.
My car I got from my sister , its not fancy and it has 172,000 miles on it. But it gets me from point A to B.
My cell phone yes I have one. But its my boyfriend’s phone who pays for it but lets me use it all the time so I have a phone in case my kids call or jobs or anything.
I do see people who do cheat the system and they dont hide it and yes it pisses me off. What makes me more angrier is when I see people who are well off judging me .Thinking im with that group : /
Uh, see my comment on your last (guest) post. This has been irritating the crap out of me due to Newt Gingrich’s recent remarks in one of the Carolinas and due to the fool I work with who used to work in a grocery store. She was voicing that same old complaint about how people on food stamps could eat steak and shrimp, while she, with her multitude of jobs, couldn’t afford to eat so well. AAAARRGH!!! Did you, perhaps, consider that these people might have some mental deficiencies that do not lend themselves well to planning for the future? And they were only buying what appealed to them right at that moment? I will not condemn the coworker fully, because she was rather passionate about the fact that food stamps do not allow you to purchase such necessities as diapers, personal care items, or cleaning supplies. Blah. Stop me now. I could go on about this stuff forever, as I work in a hotbed of conservatives who think that government assistance is unnecessary and just an excuse not to work. (Hahahahahaha -we are all state workers! Isn’t it ironic?) Fortunately, the conversations of these sorts only come up about twice a week, so I still have some of my hair left. I haven’t pulled it all out yet.
“There is this anger out there that people on food stamps should not have things. And certainly not GOOD things.” So true and so unfair. THANK YOU for this entire series, I hope it opens someone’s eyes and clears up misconceptions.
Babe, you rock the world.
Darn right! We don’t see as much of that here because in a rural area, transit costs can be way more than the costs of owning a vehicle. Here there are no scheduled bus routes, so if you want a ride you have to schedule one. If you can schedule at least 24 hours in advance, it’s “only” $3 each way. Otherwise it’s $5 each way. Just going to and from work 5 days each week, plus one trip to the grocery store and one to the laundromat each week will run you upwards of $200 per month. (And if you have to stay late at work and miss your ride, you lose your scheduled ride and it costs you the original $3 plus another $5 to get them to come back out.)
We just got a new (used) car because the old one was clearly on the way out. The back seat was too small to install Tatoe’s car seat properly, the brakes were going out, the trunk no longer worked, and the front doors were inoperable from the outside. But we HAD a car and we were lucky for it. (By the way, the trade-in value? $50. That is not a typo. $50.) And still I somehow feel like bourgeois scum for daring to buy a newer vehicle.
I’m currently on food stamps and I own the most coziest pair of UGG boots that retail for over $200 – I bought them last winter for $14 at a thrift store. My car – it’s as old as my daughter and she gets to vote this year!
I work – part time. And I send out way more resumes than I want to count each week looking for more hours and/or better pay.
I recently had to sit in the food stamps office for hours waiting to talk w/ someone because they were threatening to close our account because a of job I no longer have – where the owners shuttered the business – they were saying I had to get proof from the owners I no longer worked there. It was a mess – thankfully I ended up speaking with someone who cares and it all got worked out – thankfully!
And the longer I sat in that office and listened to the way clients are spoken down to and treated as ‘less than’ I wondered how they can not see they are creating the very dependance they espouse to work against. It was a pretty disheartened experience.
Thank you for speaking out and sharing your story!
Thank you.
Such a great post!
I appreciate you posting about your experience being on government assistance. It is true that we should not judge a book by its cover or in this case, the kind of car you drive, or the clothes you wear. I know that there are situations where government aid is necessary and a complete lifesaver. Not everyone fits into the “welfare queen” category. But I do know people personally who outright lie to qualify, and abuse the system to buy things I can’t even dream of having, with their “extra” money. I would love to hear your thoughts on my recent blog post. Feel free to stop by and leave a comment! Thanks http://notsosloth.blogspot.com/2012/01/tough-commitment-to-keep.html#comment-form
Thank you for highlighting this. We now know that under the great wealth of many great nations there is hunger. ‘One day the hungry will have nothing to eat but the rich’
When i was in High School the laws in Utah changed so that at public schools there HAD to be fee waivers for things for poor kids. Even for things like cheerleading and sports. The school couldn’t send the cheerleaders to competition if they couldn’t afford to send the kids on the cheerleading team who couldn’t pay for it, too. And there was this HUGE to-do because a girl applied for the fee waiver for something expensive, and it was looking like the team couldn’t go, and there was a big story in the news, a BREAKING EXPOSE because the girl who’d applied for the fee waiver (and this would have been early 90′s, Bush the 1st era) drove a BMW.
EGADS! the Nerve of her! Expecting a FREE RIDE when she was driving a BMW.
Only, you know what? That BMW was old old old and had been GIVEN to her by a family friend so that she’d have a way to get herself and all her siblings to school.
And the whole thing was all about shame and embarrassment. It was an intimidation tactic to get her to shut up and drop out. Only she stood her ground, defended herself, and kept right on going.
I am so loving these posts. Hubby, Gramma, & I are currently on food stamps and drive a (very old) Cadillac. I get kind of paranoid when people in line behind us see the card come out and then are parked next to us, am always afraid they’re going to say something.
My favorite thing happened a week or so ago. I was in line, chatting with the cashier while she rang up the groceries. As soon as I handed her “The card” she stopped talking to me. So sad. I thought about complaining to the manager, but have so far decided against it. Grr.
I just want to respond to the commenter who said she is proud of her European “welfare state.” I am an American living in a European country with a wide, strong welfare system. Citizens of this country are very proud of their system. I hate it. Do you know why? Because the people who are not on welfare treat people who are on welfare like crap. There is no expectation that anyone on welfare will ever get off, or will ever get jobs (at all, let alone good ones). Sure, people are living okay on welfare. They have housing and food and clothes (there are essentially no slum neighborhoods here, either, which I find fascinating). But there is no hope among poor people. They don’t even feel that they deserve to achieve, let alone that they actually CAN achieve.
So while America’s welfare system is far, far, far from perfect, and while people like you Dresden have had some tough experiences, you’ve still managed to come out of it with your dignity, ambition, and self-worth intact, no matter how many low moments you had. You never thought that this would be your life forever. You and your mom have succeeded, and there is no one telling you that you can’t and will never be anything better. I would so much rather live in a country where there are vitriolic debates about welfare and an imperfect welfare system, than one in which people have access to benefits, but no place in society, no voice, no hope, and no expectation they will ever have anything more.
Although we narrowly miss qualifying for food stamps (how do I know? I applied!) my kid does wear designer clothes, too! From yard sales, $1 each, thanks. And one from St. Vinnie’s. My in-laws, staunch Republicans all, refuse to believe that public assistance is a good thing, and let their children go hungry rather than take food stamps, and I think they’re insane. (They let their CHILDREN go hungry!!! WTF!!!)
I’m glad for your sake that you don’t need to be on food stamps any more, and glad for everyone’s sake that this (underfunded, beleaguered, difficult) program exists for those in need.
It’s ridiculous how easily ignorance can me manipulated into strong emotions.
Did you know in many states, they let food stamps be applied towards child support payments?
In other words, if you’re a father who is dead broke and is able to collect food stamps, you can opt to have the food stamps sent to your child’s mother who could be in a MUCH better financial position than yourself. So if that woman drove a very nice car, had a very nice purse, etc. etc. and pays for food stamps, everyone would hiss “welfare queen” not having a clue the food stamps she is using are partial payment for child support she is owed.
Nobody cares about anybody else anymore. It’s the me first generation all over again. And it’s disgusting.
Beyond Poignant. Politicians EVERYWHERE on both sides of the aisle should read this.
Super glad to see you write a post about this! If my tax dollars go for anything…I would prefer it went to feeding families…whether they drive a Caddy or not
Periodically I work at a food pantry in our downtown with some of my 8th grade students. Invariably, there will be someone whom they help load groceries into the car who is driving a Cadillac or some other fancy car and the kids always make a comment. I always reply with “How do you know whose car that is? How do you know where it came from? How they got it?” thank you for your post….
I used Food Stamps, I was also able to get my nails professionally done every 3 weeks all thanks to a generous salon gift certificate from one of my family members. The way cashiers looked at my gorgeously filled nails, then at me, then at my EBT card-as if I were a scammer…… it was always just awful, as though I needed to explain myself every time I purchased groceries.
I’m glad I read this post. As a single Mom of a six years old little boy I have to use food stamps to provide my son and me food. We lost our home due to domestic violence, and having that happen to us made me realize why we have social programs like this in place. I’m glad to know you’ve overcome this part of your life.
This is a wonderful, wonderful post!
I am not sure how much longer the country can tolerate being split in half by these PR lies during election seasons.
Many people who nod their heads in agreement about the mythical ‘welfare queen’have been or are close to needing, welfare in one form or another.
Many of us are one medical emergency, one car repair, one job loss away from losing what we work so hard for each day and that’s the real shame.
When I was growing up, my mother raised two daughters through a combination of welfare and working and I am not ashamed of that. Those food stamps kept us from going hungry *usually* and those cash aide payments kept our rent and utilities paid and my mom always managed to keep us clothed and taken care of even though I know it was a struggle for her.
Thanks for this post – I hope lots of people get to read it.
I too like you blog about my life in and out of the welfare system.. I totally get what you are saying and thank God for that Cadillac and foodstamps. I work full time making 12.25 an hour in California and with two children 12, and 16 I still qualify for aid and foodstamps which I am not on right now…missed appointments due to work. I am lucky I have a home and a 16 passenger van, that i bought from my job, and my job is five minutes away from my house! Thanks for bringing to light the fact that the Welfare Queen Stimgma is not always what people assume. Though there are people out there who abuse the system, honest hard working people deserve the help they need… they eventually become the people who give back in numerous ways, visit my blog “True Confessions of A Welfare Mother” to compare out stories! Real talk from REAL Mama’s!
Iam so glad you put that article out there, so many people are quick to judge others without knowing their curcumstances
I think just fell in love with you!!! Thank you for being authentic.
Nice to see someone brave enough to put a face to this… I am not as brave. No one in the family knows, let alone friends that we are on public assistance..namely WIC. I also drive a Cadillac to the store to use my WIC checks, it is an Escalade :::gasp::: it is 10 years old, covered in scratches and dings, is 9,000 miles overdue for an oil change, clunks and grinds when you turn a sharp angle and park, and the suspension motor constantly moans and whines because it needs to be completely replaced. That is a minor list of major problems, but it is paid off thanks to my husbands job prior to being forced out business due to the awful housing market. My baby is allergic to milk proteins and requires a formula that would cost us over $400 a month, we’d literally starve to death along with our baby if we had to pay this to feed him and therefore are literally dependent on our WIC checks to make ends meet. If it wasn’t for public assistance I dont know where we’d be. Prior to the economy and housing market we lived beyond comfortably… self employed, not a care in the world.
It has been a reality check from hell, a true wake up call. Humbling to say the least and a stark contrast to be literally budgeting paychecks to the penny. So yes I come to the store in an Escalade to use my public assistance, I can only imagine the stares and judgment that fall on my back as I leave the parking lot but at least people like you are brave enough to give a back story so that others may show compassion and realize that there is always more to the story than meets the eye. Something I’ve ironically learned the hard way since ‘falling from grace’…
I am mad for plaid! Great story! I hate stereotyping. Guess what, I actually had a cousin going through law school who was on food stamps!
Great post! I really loathe the stereotype (perpetuated by our President nonetheless!) that welfare moms just waltz and prance into grocery stores once a month, proceed to fill their carts with steak and lobster, then smile all the way up to the registers and flash those state cards in pride, like it was an Amex Black Card. And that “those women” really have a strong desire to remain on welfare. I used to participate in a lot of mom boards online and left most of them, as many discussions dissolve into discussing this.
Your post was truth, open truth. Thank you for writing that. And may I add that while many Americans celebrate Reagan as some sort of hero president, there are many throughout the world who call him the “puppet president” and not in a nice way. Do you, mama! All we can do is keep trying hard for the sake of our kids.
I am so glad you are writing about these issues, Dresden. I am generally sympathetic to what you have to say — but your posts are still eye-opening & a learning experience for me. Thank you.
I had the pleasure of hearing you read this at BlogHer12. Thank you so much for writing this!
Oh my God, I can’t believe it, I wrote a blog very similar to this entitled “Am I Supposed to Look Poor? Income Levels Should Have Uniforms.” about my struggles being on public assistance and my children and I still in clean decent clothing and using a cell phone. Here is a link if you’d like to read: http://madgemadigan.wordpress.com/2012/09/04/am-i-supposed-to-look-poor-income-levels-should-have-uniforms/
Thank you so much for posting your story.
Thank you so, so much for this!
I, too, am a single mother who receives food stamps. I also have a Master’s degree and am a few (okay, like 9) months shy of finishing my Ph.D. As a graduate student who lost departmental funding ($1,900 a month), went 6 months with no job, and is now working 2 jobs to keep my house and clothe my child, I am FULLY aware of the judgement in the grocery store checkout line. I get my nails done every 3 weeks, carry a coach bag (that I bought when I had full funding), live in a nice, 3-bedroom house, wear clean clothes (usually bought on sale, with a coupon, from the local Old Navy or Gap Outlet), and carry a new cell phone (that was a gift). But when I go to the grocery store, I to scrub down a little to avoid the judgement, and never whip out my phone or carry my Coach bag. I have friends who bemoan the use of public assistance by people just like me (who have phones, cars, clean clothes, etc) who have no idea I am actually one of “those” people. And what’s funny is, when I tell them, they insist that “I’m different. I’m working on a degree trying to better myself and my daughter” Well, how do they know the other folks they’re trash talking aren’t doing the same thing!? The ignorance is disgusting.
why didn’t you just open your legs and become a sugar baby? a woman has no right to complain about making money. she was born with a vagina.
Here’s the new welfare queen
http://www.dmagazine.com/Home/D_Magazine/2013/March/The_Park_Cities_Welfare_Queen.aspx#commentsreviews
OMG, people! Really? No one has a problem with people getting help. HELP. Not a lifestyle. Just a few comments puleeze…..
Andrea: I do have problem with the people I AM SUPPORTING living good, usually better than me!!If you need HELP, then you don’t need lobster and nails, etc. Not when I can’t pay my lightbill this month or eat lobster and get my nails done.
Mollyvote: “eat the rich”? It is not the “rich” doing the bitchin and complainin’, it’s us poor middle class folks that can’t eat lobster.
Ashley: OH! Ashley, please ask your family to give you grocery store gift certificates instead of salon certificates. If it wasn’t for my tax dollars FEEDING you, then you would have to spend that money on FOOD!! You are not entitled to pretty nails!!
And finally,
Jenny F. Scientist: Your in-laws are not real republicans…they are just stupid, if they are allowing their children to go hungry. Maybe Ashley’s family will send them a gift certificate this month instead of paying for Ashley to get her nails done? Probably not, because most liberals are only GENEROUS with MY money.
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