Yup. He bites. He also pushes and tackles. The pushing and tackling started about a month ago. The biting started monday. What do you do when your toddler bites another kid? What’s the action plan? You want to know what I did? I cried.
I was at our weekly library group, something that has only recently started back up, and W had already tackled two kids and pushed another kid. With each offense I jumped in and stopped his play and asked him to tell his playmate that he was sorry. And he did that sort of sing-songy, doesn’t look at anyone or anything, “sawwy”.
The bite happened after some perfectly fine parallel play with a younger girl and some foam blocks. W knocked his tower down and the girl (under two) decided to follow W’s prompt and knock her tower down. W was so overwhelmed by this action that he tackled her in what seemed to be an overly enthusiastic embrace but quickly turned into her screams. I pulled him off and looked at the girl and there, on her tiny little cheeks, was a bite mark. No teeth, no blood, but sort of a bite with his lips. Within seconds it was red on her face.
I couldn’t get W to look at her to apologize. She was so shocked and I was so shocked. Here was this little girl screaming in tears because of MY CHILD. I wanted to force him to look at her – so he could see her hurting. Maybe it would trigger some realization that his action had a very negative reaction. But he just squirmed and twisted in my arms and shouted out his “sawwy” until I let go.
I took on his biting as if it was something larger than it was. Yes, I know that toddlers bite and I know that they push and tackle. I know that it can be a phase. But knowing that your child was responsible for hurting someone is hard. Knowing that the sobs and tears of a little kid were the direct result of the actions of your son…I couldn’t help but feel personally responsible. Like a failure. Of course it doesn’t help that I was so exhausted on Monday that I was just barely hanging on by a thread to my emotional tether.
The biting was the final strike for the morning and I collected W and we left the group play area. I feel like being around new kids or in a new routine was some sort of stress trigger for him. ugh! I honestly have no idea.
I’ve been looking up information on biting and toddlers and there is a wide pool of stuff out there. Most people cling to the notion that it is a phase that will (hopefully soon) be outgrown. But then there are people who suggest demonstrating how much biting hurts by biting your child back. SAY WHAT?!
The research says that W could be biting and pushing because of stress, anger, or built up aggression. He could also be doing this because I am not giving him enough one on one time. Thanks for that “research” – because I didn’t feel guilty enough about parenting choices 1-46.
It’s all so unnerving because I want him to be able to express his feelings, but I don’t want him to think touching another person aggressively is ever ok. The other thing we have going on here is his physical size. Because he is that much taller/bigger than many kids his age one push doesn’t just cause a kid to step back or stumble their balance, it lands them flat on their back with a thwack.
I’m continuing to work with W on words and his vocab is increasing so hopefully with MORE words he will be able to express himself verbally instead of physically. In the meantime it is just such a hard place to be. The Mom of That Toddler.
Did you have a pusher or biter? How did you survive the phase?
{ 32 comments… read them below or add one }
No kids of my own, obvs, but I do recall when my brother was going through the biting phase. My Mom tried that biting him so he would know how it felt. Didn’t work. Also, wtf?
W is a beautiful boy, and he’ll get through this stage. And so will you. Love you!!!
Oh, I know the feeling, kind of. BB bites sometimes too – usually me, because I react and it’s fun – and pushes/pinches other kids at nursery. I think this happens because he’s over-enthusiastic (like W?) or because he’s bored/seeking attention for some reason. Who knows. I don’t have any advice, sorry, other than neither of you are bad people, and it will pass. But I guess you knew that? Love and hugs anyway xxxx
Elizabeth’s biting stage only had her biting me. Which I was grateful for. She is a hitter though. I am not pleased with that. The newest one is that she hits grown-up strangers in the face when they get right up in her face, like at the grocery store to tell her how cute she is. I am trying to teach her to cover her own face instead and say “I’m a little shy.” But she basically punched an adult right in the glasses while we were at Disney. I’ve just decided to Do Something about the hitting. (I mean, I was doing things before, but obviously they aren’t working well.)
I’ve always said that I’d rather have the hittee rather than the hitter. It is so much easier. Elizabeth is just a very MUCH kid. She’s more than a lot of kids and it is hard for her to control herself.
I’ve always thought this type of thing was pretty tied up with being the phase in which it’s a lot easier to communicate with your body than your words. Roozle is big into the words but still has plenty of times of using her body (Hi, squishing the cat, hitting me, throwing our dinner on the floor as I am trying to prepare it last night) and what has helped her the most is sign language. Giving her body something to DO has helped her so much with communicating. Now she can use her words AND her body but no one gets hurt in the process. Good luck! This stuff is hard! (And by the way, to HereWeGoAgainJen, it’s super tricky having the Hittee, too, as it’s really hard to explain to the kid why her friends are hurting her).
Oh, I have the hittee a lot too. It’s not easy either, but I definitely prefer that one.
I read your blog every day but this is my first comment. I felt I had to comment because, boy, do I feel your pain.
My little boy was a really bad biter. Because of him, our daycare instituted a biting policy that included me having to pick him up if he bit three times in one day. I lived in fear of the phone ringing. I lived in fear of going to pick him up at daycare. I was relieved when he only bit once that day.
My opinion was that he bit because he was somewhat behind verbally and couldn’t express what he wanted (usually a toy) with words. The daycare did work with us a lot, they tried moving him to a class with older kids so he might be intimidated enough that he wouldn’t bite. And that worked, sort of. It also got better depending on the teacher and her response. He did better with the teachers who were louder and more forceful with him. The soft-spoken, “we don’t bite, sweetie” didn’t work with him. I even once told them, that if he doesn’t cry when you discipline him, he didn’t get it (harsh but true for him). He never really bit me (he tried a few times) and never bit when I was around. I had tried to shadow him at daycare so I could immediately discipline him but he never did it while I was there.
But everyone told me it was just a phase and it was. By the time he was approaching three, a mixture of things happened. He got moved out of a class with a teacher who was way too quiet and into a class with an older, more “we don’t take that kind of behavior” teacher, his favorite biting target left the daycare, which probably had something to do with being bit frequently – I felt horrible
, and he was just getting older and more verbal.
It is very hard but, my advice, keep telling yourself it is just a phase and that he won’t go to off to high school still biting people. Also, we bought the book, Teeth are Not for Biting and I read it to him over and over until I had the darn book memorized.
I had the biter…of me and other children. She got bitten when another child at daycare (I was FURIOUS at that “bad child”) and that evidentally gave her the idea that it was ok? I was immediately humbled that the phase can happen no matter how much love and attention the child gets. It also started happening when that daycare tried to force a 12 month old to take one nap a day… she was exhausted and she was acting out. I changed daycares where she was able to get plenty of rest and the biting stopped. Has something about W’s schedule changed? Maybe something is bothering him and he’s too young to express it?
And don’t feel guilty for taking care of your family. I’m sure you are a much less stressed Mommy because you are bringing in money to help support your family. We beat ourselves up for every decision but we certainly don’t deserve it.
B is a biter. I typed that and then did a full body cringe because I So Get It. Urgh. About 2-4 times a month (out of 20ish days he’s at school) we get a “your kid bit someone” report. At first I was very WOE and DISDAIN because omg, you never want your kid to be the biter under any circumstances. His beloved teacher sent me home with two articles about toddler boys biting, and if I still have them I will send them to you (I think I may have tossed them though, damn). She is very much of the belief that a) he’s a boy and it’s a phase b) we don’t suck as parents and c) it’s totally a developmental thing and as he gets better with expressing himself via words and actions it will pass. The thing is, B bites when he’s so! overly! happy! he doesn’t know what to do about it. Kind of like W being overcome by the toppling blocks – B will see a friendly face and be all omgwtfiloveyouletmebiteyou (!!!). Also? There’s 12 kids in his class and 10 of them are boys, so there’s a lot of… testosterone running around in there and B has been the bittee on more than one occassion.
As far as what we do – first we rehash that our mouths are ONLY for food, we do not bite our friends, yada yada. And then it’s game over, time out. It’s hard because biting isn’t usually a repeated action for us anyway – like he might do it once a week (whereas most time outs are from repeated behavior – like “if you don’t stop smacking your brother’s feet with that toy…” time outs) so we kind of have to refocus every time he does it.
Hang in there momma, you’re doing a great job. xo
I have a scratcher. She claws people like she’s in a reality television catfight. Mostly it has been to her siblings but Monday she scratched a younger child at playgroup and it was awful. I wanted to find a hole and hide in it until playgroup was over (it was at my house so I couldn’t just leave). One thing that (sometimes) works is to make sure she understands that she caused pain to someone else. She has to get them ice and hold it on their scratched face, she has to get the injured party a band aid, and she has to sit with them until they feel better. It works better than getting her to say sorry because she won’t mean it if she says it and it works better than time out because she sometimes forgets why she is in time out in the first place. I don’t know if it’s the right way to handle it, there is probably something wrong about making your child feel guilty as a form or discipline but it makes her stop and think about what she did and she can later explain to me why she was in trouble. One other thing, I’m sure everyone will tell you because it is true, is not to get too worked up about it. It will be fine. Everytime Lucy has a scrappy day (which are becoming much less frequent now that she is out of the toddler stage) we quote one of our favorite Kevin Henkes books at bedtime “Today was a difficult day. Tomorrow will be better.” And it usually is.
My daughter is 10 so I have a different perspective. W is completely normal, he is just being a kid, and this will pass before you know it. It’s not anything you did, it’s not your fault (and not his either.) My daughter was never a biter but she had equally cringeworthy behavior, as all toddlers do. What else can you do but exactly what you did – tell him no and remove him from the situation. Trust me – she hasn’t been bitten since pre-school!
Please understand I’m coming at this from the perspective of the parent who has a child with Autism, who is a low verbal, sensory seeking, attention hoaring littly boy who has been getting behavior therapy with great results for several years.
1. this is probably got some attention getting trigger. and it worked. He got you all to himself, without having to interact w/other kids.
2. you might look at other issues and see if you see any other oral sensory seeking behaviors (eg, does he blow lots of spit bubbles, does he mouth items frequently). That could be a component, especially w/the low verbal, and you might look for overall other sensory seeking behavior and see what you see.
3. Its definatley got something to do with verbals.
So what should you do in the case that it occurs again? In the order what the triggers might be:
1. If he is wanting just your attention, okay, thats fine. You sit glued to his side and make him redo the last 5 minutes of play with his peer. In thie case, you would hand over hand help him rebuild his block of tower while physically ensuring that he’s out of reach of any peers (to block a potential bite), but NOT verbally reinforcing what he did. And he has to interact w/the other kid. If he knocks his tower town again and has a fit and/or if she knocks hers down and he has a fit, you physically block him, say “Try again, W” and repeat. This is so so hard to do, and its straight behavior therapy.
2. If its an oral sensory seeking thing, give him plenty of opportunities to feel things orally – eg, blow bubbles, lick lollipop. do tongue exercises, blow kisses. and if he goes to bite, redirect with one of the other oral motor imitations.
3. Keep giving him functional language. If he does not respond with words, do not give him what he wants. EG – if he points to something, say “thats nice, use your words please” and force it out. Make him repeat one at a time. See Step 1 for physically blocking him from hurting other children and get him to repeat the words you want him to say before he can have the fit
Its exhausting, but i know you can do it.
My daughter bit for a while and like everyone is saying, it is NOT you!!! He is frustrated, or he has just found some new way to express himself that gets a reaction. First of all do NOT bite back (not that I think you were considering that). Our kids learn from our actions and if they see us doing it, of course they will do it too. As you know, it’s a stage but what worked for us was just very strongly telling her WE DON’T BITE! and then immediately remove her from the situation. Not a “time out” per se, but definitely a reaction to her action. My daughter also was in a daycare where she was being bit as well and obviously she learned that as a reaction.
But the phase didn’t last long. You aren’t a horrible parent. And W isn’t a horrible boy. There are so many suggestions on how to handle this situation. Pick one and be consistent and it will pass in no time. In the meantime…sorry. It totally sucks.
i had neither – i had a “bitten”. always the same child, her bestest pre-school friend.
it’s funny – for some reason, that situation was okay with me, and okay with the pre-school – we all understood that it was something the other kid was going to grow out of. at the same school though, i know of several kids thrown out for biting. so, i think it totally depends on the kid and the circumstances. which is probably no help at all.
Lots of great advice here. We have the “bitee” and it’s always the same GIRL that bites him and others at daycare. The biggest factors seem to be a lack of being verbal enough and lack of self-control, which are both totally normal toddler things. I don’t want to re-iterate the advice that’s already been given, but I do agree with shadowing, showing him what he can do or say instead of biting, and also reading him some “We don’t bite our friends” etc children’s books. You can read him one every day to help get the point across. In the same respect, we parents who have “bitees” have to help them learn to stand up for themselves and protect themselves to some extent (like simply staying away from the kids that bite them). It IS a phase though…I think there have been less and less bites since the daycare girl is getting older, more verbal, and everyone is working with her on it. Good luck!
It’s been a long time, but I remember the biting phase. I don’t particularly remember what we did about it, but it did stop, so I think it came down to “this too shall pass.” One thing I do remember is someone (more than one someones?) suggesting I “spank his mouth.” Um, WHAT? Did you seriously just suggest I hit my child in the face?
I have a pusher and biter. She’s only 17 months old so I’m not sure what to do. If she bites, I take her and we leave. No matter what it is, we leave. With the pushing, I tell her gentle, gentle. I have always heard that it is a phase that will go away once they get better language skills. I have had several friends who had biters/non-talkers and as soon as they got tubes in the kids’ ears both problems resolved.
It happens. You will solve the problem. It will probably take some time. You will be stressed out until it’s solved. But you’ll both be OK.
Kids W’s age don’t really get “sorry.” It’s just something mom makes him say. You’re better off to remove him immediately, tell him that he’s being removed because he did something inappropriate, and when he learns to be calm around others, he will be allowed to continue to play. Keep it simple. He’ll get past it eventually. No one goes to college biting, right?
We have a boy who bites. He only bites me so far, but he does bite, especially if he’s getting a tooth. It’s so unnerving and upsetting. He also pushes. He tells other kids “Go on!” and pushes them out of the way if they dare to get in his way. We have decided a lot of this is just him learning to be amongst other kids, but I so don’t want him to be an oaf! He too is a tall boy, so with littler kids, his shoves can really knock them over.
So far, our strategy has been just to remove him and to remind him over and over that “we don’t push” or “we don’t bite” that these things hurt people. He doesn’t get it yet, and we also get our own version of “sawry” that is just a parrot of what we have told him to say.
I can say that our son bites much less than he used to, especially as he is more verbal. We’re working on other interactions, like how to ask for a toy, how to say “excuse me,” but honestly, we’re flying blind. It’s nice to see so much great advice here!
I didnt’ read the comments. And you may not like mine.
For about 2 months my wife kept our daughter and my neice at home. Lilly (ours) has always been home, but Brooke was in daycare transition. And Brooke started biting Lilly. Not just biting….biting with force, that drew blood, and made Lilly scream in pain. After several (we lost count) bites Lilly would actually RUN and SCREAM when Brooke started coming towards her. Once we had to take an ER trip because she scratched Lilly’s eye so bad it was black an swollen. It was ALWAYS when they were playing. We were so fed up and afraid for our daughter who never (that we witnessed) did anything to hurt Brooke. She really loves Brooke. So when it didn’t stop and we witnessed (from a distance while running) Brooke bite Lilly so hard on her finger (she grabbed Lilly’s hand, put it in her mouth, and bit down) that Brooke’s head was shaking. That is right she bit Lilly with so much force that her HEAD WAS SHAKING. Finally, I told Erika BITE HER BACK! I told her to Bite Brooke the next time it happened. So Erika did. And my sister was pissed. And I honestly didn’t care. Brooke hasn’t bit her since. Brooke has bitten other kids so it didn’t really solve the problem. But, she hasn’t touched Lilly in a confrontational way since. Was our choice wrong. Maybe. Did we try everything else…..we did, honestly she got discussions, not biting books, being forced to watch Lilly in pain, saying sorry, more discussions, more books, so many time outs we couldn’t count anymore, and my sister even screamed at her A LOT. She hasn’t touched Lilly since Erika bit her.
I am not saying that we were right. I am not saying you should bite W. I am not saying that this works for every kid…..or it was right in anyway. But, it was a natural consequence to what happened. And it worked. I’m a little sad to admit it…but it did. And I never saw Lilly being held down in the ER with instruments in her eye again. Nor did I see blood running from her back from a bite.
I have twins, so yeah, there was a constant in-house toddler to bite during that phase. And yeah, it’s a phase. The last time one of the twins (this was ages ago, they are now 6) had the other’s arm in her grip, ready to chomp down, I gave her a minute to think about. I said, “Kiddo, DO NOT bite your sister.” She looked at me, considered my words, looked at her sister and consciously bit her arm. That? Was not ok. I gave her the only spanking she’s ever had in her life — and neither of them bit each other or another child ever again.
When they were toddlers, I had one twin who bit quite a bit at daycare and one who did not. It was awful. I once lied to our friend who had a kid in the class that got bit (again) by my child. They would give out forms to the biter and bitee with no names mentioned. I said I didn’t get a form one day when I did because I was embarrassed my girl kept biting her son.
Neither of my twins was verbal at a young age, due in part to many ear infections. I think biting was her (poor) way of communicating.
Now at 6, the twin who bit is VERY kind and gentle – much more so than her twin who didn’t bite. She hates when anyone gets hurt.
So I guess my point is that it doesn’t signify that your child is a mean spirited bully if he bites at a young age.
Also, it seems to be one of those things that worried me on a daily basis back then, that now seems like nothing.
yes, Gio used to bite, and Jacob used to GET Bitten. I know that there is a little boy in their room that is still biting (but I also know that he has some very serious home issues, nothing like W!)
I always took the stance that Gio used to bite because he didn’t have words for what he wanted..wanted to say, wanted to do, wanted us to do for him and biting would be his way of acting out. (He still takes a swing at Jacob from time to time but normally it’s in front of us for attention, which he gets, in spades if he does it) and by the time he was 3 the biting had stopped. I had read a lot of research myself about the biting and I came to the conclusion until he had language for his needs this was his acting out.
I know that when either of them was bit by that little boy spoke of (and I got about an incident report a week back then) I used it as a “this is what we DO NOT do” and I am always guilty of biting Gio back when he would go to bite me or Jacob. If he bit me, I bit him (not as hard, not breaking skin , not yelling) just enough for him to know that it hurt and that’s not something we do. (I know that it’s not the way for the most moms…but I have no shame in admitting it)
I can’t imagine how it felt to see her cheeks and know that W did it. I would have felt all those emotions too. It’s truly a phase and it will be over soon, I promise.
“But knowing that your child was responsible for hurting someone is hard.” Man alive, I felt that right in my gut, even though I’m not a parent. Powerful post and I can feel the frustration and helplessness in between the words. Your post reminds me a lot of Julie’s posts this spring about her son (“Oh G-d, sometimes my child hits”) and reconciling that. Since I’m not a parent, I don’t have any specific developmental advice to give, but I did want to point you to Julie’s post(s) to see if you can clean some comfort from them. You can start at her post here and work your way up to now from her posts.
Thinking of you. *hug*
Not as a mom, but as an instructor of child development, I just wanted to chime in about two things. Please don’t force your child to say sorry. It then becomes a free pass and some children will actually say sorry before they “offend.” It’s better to have him make amends for his actions (comfort the bitten children, get him/her a tissue, say a genuine, self-initiated sorry, get an ice pack, etc.) and make sure that he doesn’t end up getting what he wanted when he bit. Biting tends to be an effective behavior, so it’s hard to get rid of.
I would also suggest teaching W some sign language that he can use when he doesn’t have the words. The sign for stop (bring the outside edge of one hand down onto the palm of the other in a chopping motion – which is very physical action and can be done quite forcefully when frustrated) or even just teaching him to put his hand up to mean stop, may diffuse some of the situations.
Biting is by far the most emotionally charged behavior that I can think of in child care situations. Good luck!
It is not you, it is a phase. Not sure if you know who Yo Gabba Gabba is, but my almost 3 year old loves this video, and perhaps your son will too. This is an awesome song called “Don’t Bite Your Friends”. It has a catchy tune and we sing it all the time.
http://m.youtube.com/index?desktop_uri=%2F&gl=US#/watch?v=U6UWNA-WQgI
I had a bitter too, and one thing I learned, only parents of bitters understand bitters. Hugs to you and don’t take it so personally, he will be out of this in no time and off to different delima’s.
I don’t have a biter (yet and/or fortunately) so I can’t offer any advice there, but I do have a policy on “sorry.” That policy is basically not to make my kid say it. The reasoning behind it is simple: he is not sorry for what he did. He did it on purpose. And making him say sorry is teaching him to say something he doesn’t mean just because someone wants to hear it.
Of course, it’s polite to say sorry when you accidentally hurt someone and do someone wrong and so we just modeled that and, believe it or not — he actually picked it up on his own. He now empathetically and genuinely apologizes when he does something accidentally. And if he apologizes for something he means, which he also does occasionally, I remind him that he is probably not actually sorry and that saying sorry doesn’t make the hurt go away and that next time he can think about this before he makes a choice that might hurt someone.
I know it’s all a little above his nearly-3-year-old head, but I have faith that it will sink in and that he will emerge organically as a polite person. Either that or he’ll be a monster who pushes kids down, never apologizes, and has no friends. I’ll keep you posted.
We have twin boys, we have had our share of biting phases. It sucks. Things that I think have helped – we don’t make our guys say sorry. For one thing, I don’t think they get it at this age, and they certainly don’t mean it. It also gives them power over the situation (they get to control whether they say sorry or not) and can create a whole new power struggle. We do remove them from the situation, a time-out, if we are out we leave and go home. We also try to be aware of situations that could lead to biting and to head off those situations before they turn aggressive. There are also some books that we read over and over (teeth are not for biting, etc.). These phases did pass (knock on wood). Good luck, it really does suck.
It will pass, and you can help it along to some extent. The best handling of biting I ever saw was once when my granddaughter, then almost 5, and I were at a play date with her friend S., S.’s little brother C., then 2 years old, and the mother, with whom I was trying to finish a cup of coffee. C. frustrated because the big girls could do things with playdough that he could not manage, bit his sister really badly. The mother scooped him into a chair, said “I don’t have time to talk to you yet. Sit there, don’t move. I have to help S.” Then we all made a big fuss over S., helping her hold the ice pack, etc. Finally the mother went over, picked C. up, told him how much that hurt, how nobody could allow biting, got an apple, told him to bite the apple and look at what a big chunk it took out of the apple and think about how he hurt S. Probably he was a little young for the apple lesson, but that seems a good idea for an older child. Anyway, she told me he bit for about 2 weeks and then seemed to get it. S., however, learned to run really fast in those 2 weeks.
It is awful but does not mean he is destined for a life of crime. More words will help and a real understanding that it hurts will come. Biting him or forcing his jaw closed so he bites himself are giving wrong messages, I am confident.
Oh wow! Oh hi! Oh you make me feel so much better, just knowing someone else out there is doing this, too. I have recent posts about it. Slightly different agegroup.
My views: I think the apologies are only useful to the hurt person. The hurter doesn’t mean it, it only gives them attention, possibly reinforcing the act, to make them say it. However, I think there is a lot of good in ME, the parent, saying it, and making a fuss over the hurt child (whilst ignoring the hurter for a moment). I am a big fan of the quick and wordless time-out in these situations. Hurter is removed without fuss or attention and hurtee gets it all instead. (In our case it seems to happen at kindy apart from a few isolated events so… I’m a bit stuck there… but maybe the above response actually worked for him? I know the kindy teacher spent a lot of time explaining things to him and she’s the one that seems to have had the trouble with him. Who knows. Kindy is more stressful for him so I tend to think it’s more that, and not having a parent as backup to help him out with his problems, but you never know.)
On that note, I think it’s not just apologies that are useless to force from them, it’s the whole concept of *feeling sorry*. The whole *explaining to them that they’ve hurt someone*. That’s, like, a 3.5-4yo milestone, realising that others people are like you and feel things like you, whilst at the same time having their own viewpoint which is not identical to yours. So sure, if you’ve got a 3.5-4yo go for it and see what happens. If you have a younger child, don’t waste too much breath – all they know is the bite didn’t hurt *them*, and the rest is a little too abstract yet. Mention it once or twice (in a calm and unrelated moment) for their future reference but don’t expect much to click.
I think you have it in terms of giving him new ways to express himself and trying to reduce the overall stress of his life however you can. (The kindy teacher has recently started a thing in her class where the kids touch each other’s noses as, like, a “stop button” when the other kid is doing something they don’t like. I think it may be working a bit. Adapt at will.) And for you, knowing that other parents have gone through the same thing and it is a bit of a phase, and trying to feel like a big huge failure about it.
You’re fine, really. And so is he. He just has some growing up to do.
Bea
Oh, and the other thing we did to add to the last paragraph, is we taught him to shake hands with new people instead of hugging, because his hugs are really fierce and he’s big so, same problem as you. He still hugs his friends, kids he knows well enough to know that they like it, but the hand-shaking is for new introductions.
Malka was a biter, and Noah Matan lunges at me often. When they’d bite, I’d put their own hand in their mouth and make them bite themselves. No clue if it worked or not, but they’ve both gotten over it….
Just keep saying no bite, and redirect. Easier said than done, I know!!!
As for biting them, um, we tend to bite their tushies lovingly after a bath, because, um, TODDLER TUSHIES, HELLO!!!!!!!, but I do think that us biting them is less effective than them learning what their own teeth (sharp fuckers that they are!) can do, hence the biting their own hand….
When biting happens, remover the biter immediately after apologizing to the victim and the victim’s caregiver. Don’t make the biter apologize because all you’ll get is the half-assed “sawee.”
Without using too many words let the biter know you are disappointed and angry. Then move on. Too much attention can only ramp up the behavior.