1. The Eastern PA / NJ meetup: This event now has a date- February 20th. If you would like an evite with all the information about the get together please let me know and I will make sure that happens. Heads up – kids will be in attendance.
2. W is going to have a bed! Well a crib. But something VERY MUCH better than the 21 month old pack n play that has been his sleeping chamber for far too long. An amazing friend is passing down a crib and I am picking it up this weekend. Bonus? It can convert to a toddler bed. But I am hoping that W has at least another year of crib sleeping in him. Let’s just hope he can’t shimmy the crib across the floor like the pack n play. If he can I’ll need some of you DIY gals to walk me through cementing down the legs!
3. We are making some progress on the vegetable journey. I swear I am not overly concerned – I really wanted to make sure that I was just on the right track with how to introduce the veggies to him. It was interesting to me how strongly some of you felt about “hiding” vegetables. Honestly, some days it just feels sooooooo wrong that all W has consumed (will consume) is a graham cracker and a sippy of milk.
Some of the food stuff starts to blur into my food stuff- and the beautiful thing about toddlers is that they don’t emotionally over eat. So a lot of my food writing with W is a working it out arena to make sure that I am approaching things as healthily as I possibly can.
I also don’t want W to be like one of those kids on that save the school lunch show a few months ago- Remember that class of first graders that couldn’t name a single vegetable? This, of course, will not happen for many, many reasons. (a really awesome one being that one of W’s Godmother’s is incredibly invested in co-ops and and I can not wait until I can take W to her space!)
So- food! Diced up broccoli in noodles, corn, carrot love affair is back, sweet potatoes three times a week and all the wholesome goodness that makes veggie booty.
4. I couldn’t stop myself…I added The Backup Plan to my netflix queue. I know. ugh. But I have a few more movies ahead of it. Maybe by the time I can psych myself up to watch it that awful looking Jennifer Anniston movie will be out on DVD and I can have a good laugh at the accurate portrayal of single women and donor sperm in movies. haaaaaaaaaaa!
5. I do not like being a stay at home Mom. And you know what, it feels like I am admitting failure to say that. But I never wanted to be a full time stay at home Mom to a toddler. I am certain that sounds totally obnoxious- but oh my good night- it is HARD. I am going to tell you the truth right now, the cross my heart truth. An average day of taking care of Millie was a lot easier than an average day of taking care of W currently is.
There was a lot of physical work involved in taking care of Grandmother, a lot of lifting and struggling to dress, and arguing over putting a shirt over a head. That is the SAME. There is so, so much that is the same – which is the big irony of the circle of life. But I never had to chase Millie up and down a flight of stairs 40 times a day or out of the kitchen or away from the dog. There were other battles unique to Alzheimer’s, but with some distance it seems like it wasn’t as exhausting. What is truly the hardest thing for me is keeping up with the speed of this boys mind. Which- OH MY GOODNESS- how wonderful a problem is that???
Finding activities that will keep him engrossed, entertained, involved, curious…I always seem to run out of steam by noon. I know that a lot of my overwhelmedness right now is totally connected to my being sick, or being snowed in, or not having a working car for a few days, or this era of his hitting and flailing and complete frustration. Oh the excuses!! I’m awful. I know what I’ve got to do- find playgroups, free classes, structure the day better, join the fucking library. And I will. But something tells me that there are still just some people that are better at being at home with kids all day.
[oh and OBVIOUSLY insert the stupid guilt I feel about even sharing the above because didn't I want to be a parent more than anything in the whole entire Universe???!!!!]
6. Blah PMS
7. I am also getting baby gate stuffs this weekend and I am hoping this will cut down on a lot of battles that happen daily. The dining room is only interesting because I keep chasing him out of it.
And there we go.
{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }
It’s not horrible. I promise. And you’re not a failure. It is hard! It’s already hard at our house. Gates will help. Many a morning I basically lock n downstairs – put something on the stairs (though she can move it when she’s well motivated), cut off the kitchen, close the basement door, gate at the top of the stairs to the door. And I let her do her own thing. Which, half the time, involves climbing on me, but blessedly half the time is playing on her own. Sometimes there’s TV involved, I totally admit it. Getting out of the house is really really great and important, though, and helps her, and I need to do that more often. I think that getting the gates, and being able to get out, will be key in keeping your sanity.
Psst – I see you tomorrow!
I know you aren’t alone in the feelings you are having about being a stay at home mom. I always thought I wanted to be one, but after doing it for 7 months I realized it wasn’t for me. I don’t think there was a day during those 7 months that I stayed the entire day at home. My ULTIMATE wish is to be able to work part time out of the home, but no one wants to pay me my current salary for half the work so I guess I’ll keep my job!
Good job with the veggies. Smooch’s love of veggies gets less and less with each passing week…
Dude. I am not, in any shape or form, cut out to be a stay at home mom. It’s not admitting failure, it’s just being honest. I really truly think each one of us was given a particular gifts and talents. And there are amazing and talented moms who have the patience of a saint and the heart to entertain and educate their children all day. I don’t have that. I love my boy(s) so much it makes my heart hurt and I will cry from thinking about how awesome B is. But we are all better off if they’re at school during the day and I’m at work. You are my hero, really, I don’t think B and I would flourish being at home together like you’ve managed to do, even if it’s not your forte. xo
There are lots of people who are not meant to be stay at home moms. Also, you are at a rough stage right now, I imagine especially with the move (it took Elizabeth a couple of months to get over that), so hang in there, I think it will get easier. Join a mom’s group if there is one and find out when storytime at the library is. (And I know, you said those things in your post already, but they really were the things that kept me from losing my mind when we moved here.) Find adults to talk to, it is critical. And you can call me on the phone, I am just sitting here too.
It certainly is hard work and I think you are doing a great job. I was forever chasing Boo out of things, and he isn’t walking yet! but toddler locks and gate saved me, saved us both. Now I know he is in a toddler safe area with still plenty of stimulation.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with admitting you aren’t cut out for the stay-at-home mom thing. I freely admit that my children and I would all probably be dead (literally) if I didn’t work outside of the home. I’m a firm believer that some women are more fit to stay with their kids every.single.day than others. And we others are probably better mothers when we AREN’T with the kids all the time. Lose the guilt…there’s no reason for it.
Honey, i have seen the affects of “mommie brain” and it ain’t pretty. There should be an outlet or two for adult intellectual stimulation.
Too bad we don’t live closer, I have 3 gates I do not need or want.
Go check out my blog, I wrote a post about all the activities I do with the monkeys just a couple days ago.
Okay a couple of things: 1) the food thing. My son had/has(?) eating issues (actual medical ones that require we see a gastro doc…) and through this process I have learned that a child will not die if he only consumes 1 ritz cracker a day. It’s a fact. My kid is still here. He does eat healthy stuff BUT he literally eats nothing a day. As in a typical lunch I send for him at school (all day mind you) is a string cheese, about 10 grapes and 4 ritz crackers. And most days he comes home with something uneaten. So I sympathize on the eating stress and also wanted to point out that even though it seems scary sometimes, he sounds to me like he is FINE. Better than fine. But you know that. Oh, and my daughter eats like a trucker so go figure.
2) Even though you’re right when you say it feels horribly unpopular to admit it, I would be a HORRIBLE stay at home mom. I am a good mom mostly because I get a break Mon thru Thurs. Those two weeks between Christmas and New Years where there was no school for either kid? Seriously. I’m not sure how we all survived. So even though it’s not politically correct to admit it? I am right there with you girl. HARD, HARD work. And to those of you that do it? You are better women than I.
yay for veggies!
and amen to the SAHM vent – I never wanted to be a SAHM, I like it some times, but most of the time? Ohmygawd! I have a lot of other shit going on (school/work from home stuff etc) and with out that, i would lose it. for sure. don’t feel guilty – it’s the truth. doesn’t mean you dont want to be a MOM just means you don’t want to be trapped in your house with a little person who can’t hold a conversation with you!
I actually liked the back up plan. It wasn’t realistic at all but then I usually go for movies for entertainment value and not because I think it’s something that could happen. It was cute and funny and had a happy ending which is something I LOVE in a movie or a book.
Adequate babyproofing will change everything. In our house Burrito and Tamale play in one large safe room, and have no access to anything else. But when we visit people, their houses are invariably deathtraps, and DH or I (or both) must be on duty literally every second even if someone else is “helping.” It is no fun to prevent a toddler from doing what he wants constantly.
I love being with my babies, but all day is a lot, and I usually have backup in the house. All the SAHMs I know are totally stir crazy all the time unless they go out every day.
I love winter but FOR THE LOVE OF AVOCADOS I AM LOSING MY MIND with the Chieftain. He has his tricycle which he wheels around and crashes in to everything, he has his play-dough (homemade from next week, dammit), he has his crayons and his markers*, and his finger paints and bubble wands, plus the multitudes of cars (damn you, Hot Wheelz/Matchox) and garbage trucks, but we are trapped, TRAPPED, in the house due to one of us or all being ill this winter.
I cannot wait for spring. At least until the bugs come out.
* I’ve really enjoyed having a white couch. Alas, not any more. For the record, you can bleach blueberry and crayon out of white fabric. We shall see about the marker.
When I was a mostly SAHM to a toddler, I would have been miserable without my mommy friends, or even just the people we interacted with at all the activities we did at the library or the mothers’ group or the playground. And I believe all that stuff was more or less free, too. Unless you are introverted, I think being a SAHM would be pretty unfun without friends. So I think you’re on the right track, thinking about what all you can do! I think at that age we would a) do something fun in the mornings (library storytime, mothers’ group activity, playdate, playground, occasional field trip, window shopping, community center music activity, etc. b) lunch and naptime and c) errands/cleaning/another activity away/crafts in the late afternoon d) dinner, bath and bed. Kept things moving! Good luck! And btw it’s a lot different now that my kiddo is four and also now she is in her Swedish daycare/preschool thingie when I am in school. We don’t see overmuch of each other now.
Super awesome on the vegetable front. We’re continuing to make progress with BB as well. He doesn’t even freak out when he sees corn now. IN FACT, my grandmother made corn pudding for a family dinner recently and he said, “Big Mamaw? I love this corn.” I died. Twice.
As far as being a SAHM, well, I hear you. I’m going to be blogging my journey with this issue soon as I’m making yet another big life change. Here’s my timeline: Full time WOoTHM, full time SAHM, full time WAHM, part-time WOoTHM/part-time WAHM, full time WOoTHM/part-time WAHM, and now I’m heading back to WAHM. I have lots of guilt about “failing” at each one, but trust me, when I actually blog about it (next Friday), I’ll discuss the guilt and why it is pure BS. Lose the guilt now, my friend. Everything? Is hard. And we all have our days when we suck. And then we have days when we win. And then we suck again. You’re not alone. And if you ever want to talk, I’m here.
BTW, if you’re ever having a meetup when I’m out visiting the Munchkin (Philly), I’ll be there!
Two year old DD has grated carrots or chopped spinach in everything, though she doesn’t know it. I put them in tuna rissoles, potato latkes, spaghetti sauce….
I was going to ask about gates–I wasn’t sure if W was too old and could escape them already.
You are far ahead of me in getting veggies into the diet–the best Ive done so far is the YoBaby yogurt with the veggie puree in with the fruit. He is just NOT eating any other kind of veg. *le sigh*
YAY for W’s bed–woooohooo!
And I almost cried when I read #6. Thank you for saying that out loud. I mean, I know, how damn incredibly lucky and amazingly awesome it is to have these little boys–but MY goodness. Toddler stage all day long care is soooooo hard.
While there’s no place I’d rather be than home with Peeper (okay, in part because I just really enjoy the whole not-getting-up-and-going-to-work part of it!) the constant toddlerness of it all really does wear on you.
I would HIGHLY recommend that you look into your local MOMS Club.
Here’s a list of all the groups in PA:
http://www.momsclub.org/links.html#Pennsylvania
I joined the MOMS Club when Peeper was a few months old, but didn’t really get involved until she was around a year, just because we were still so much in “seige mode” and Shrike’s second shift schedule kept me from getting to any morning activities.
Once I started attending activities and getting to know people, I’ve really enjoyed it, and I don’t know what I’d do without it. I get adult interaction, with people who are in the same “season of life” that I am, and Peeper gets to play with other kids.
If you’re wondering about fitting in with the other SAHMs, I can’t speak to any other groups, but for what it’s worth, in our little conservative Central PA (deep in the heart of the “Alabama” portion of the state), Shrike and I are both very active, and I’m actually on the board.
All the kids know that Peeper has two mommies, and at least one of them has told her mom that she wants to have two mommies, too.
I meant to write this on Friday, and then I unplugged for the weekend… I almost surely coming to the meet-up… need to just confirm I don’t have any activities that day with my son’s impending first communion prep. Will keep you posted!
I DESPERATELY want to stay at home….. 80% of the time. haha. Meaning.. I want to work about 25 hrs a week and be home the rest of the time. But I while I know working 40+ hrs SUCKS for me as a Mom.. I know me well enough to know that I need to work some.. esp since my job used to be my passion. I honestly think most of us could do with working fewer hours but not cutting it out entirely. You’re a great Mom.
baby Gates are a must for your sanity and your kid’s safety. Of course he’ll quickly learn to circumvent them but hopefully by then he’ll have enough sense not to electrocute himself or eat ant poison.
BTW, I grew up with a little boy whose older sister actually died from eating ant poison. That was in the days before baby gates, and seat belts in cars and when pregnant women smoked and drank and nobody found anything wrong with it. It was, as the song goes, a different time and a different world.
Anyway, my neighbor, who is an absolute hoot but probably dangerous, recently told me that she found baby gates to be unsightly. Her solution was to buy one of those invisible dog fences and set it up in her (enormous) house, with the detection device strapped to her baby.
She couldn’t understand why I thought it was such a bad idea.
Not sure if I can definitely make it but I’d love to get an evite for the meetup!