Something of a turning point is happening around here with W in terms of him understanding me and me understanding him. It’s like we met after taking a language lab off campus and we suddenly went from making crude jesters of communication with each other to actually using words and comprehending. I can ask him if he wants something and now, without a dramatic and interpretive (& sometimes aggressive) dance I know the answer.
Ages ago we learned that W was very much an admirer of a beautiful light fixture. Beautiful, in W’s eye, meant that it was high above his head or that it was ornate. If was within reach or ordinary it meant nothing to him. But a twinkling glass fixture glistening high? Oh he could chirp about that for ages. “The Light” was one of his first phrases. And if he was in a rough patch about to go to a full on toddler meltdown Mother or I could usually reach through and calm him down by asking him where the light was. No matter where we were he would stop his screams and search the room or great outdoors for a source of light.
This attraction has now morphed into a reward for good behavior. One of W’s locations of doom is the changing table- has been since his forever. There is thrashing, kicking, rolling, grabbing, and whatever is nearby will be thrown across the room. It makes for fun times when the diaper situation is at code HOLY SHIT. I tried all the tricks the books and newsletters suggested. I marveled at friends with babies that seemed like getting a diaper change was no big deal. Laughed heartily when it was suggested that I just begin changing him standing up.
Last week I saw that he happened to look up as we crossed the threshold to the bathroom for what my olfactory was telling me was bound to be a particularly unpleasant change. I said, “W, if you are a good boy while I change your pants you can touch the bathroom light.” And he looked at me like I was telling him he could have the car keys and move into IKEA. He looked up at the ceiling and as if to make sure we were speaking about the same thing he asked, “the light?” And I nodded my head. “Yes. If you are calm and good while I change you, you can touch the light.”
I swear it was like he didn’t breath the entire time I was changing him. He just looked up over my head at the light in wonder and hope. He didn’t flail, he didn’t fling, he didn’t toss the box of wet wipes across the room. He was good.
So I sat him up, fixed him up, and then held him up to the light saying, “one finger- touch!” He reached out one finger and quickly tapped the light. Then squealed and came back down and hugged my shoulder tight. “the light!” I told W that he had been such a good boy and he nodded that yes he had. And we kind of looked at each other. Understanding.
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Don’t those communication break throughs feel like the most amazing moements in the world?
Brilliant solution using the light as a reward.
how sweet! I can’t wait for some “understanding” from my babies. They are hellions for diaper changes. Both of them. Hellions! The flipping. The hands in the poop. The kicking. Pure hell.
It can take forever, but when you figure out the right reward…it’s like the heavens open and shine glorious light upon you!
Congratulations! Now, just don’t overuse it.
I honestly started enjoying things a hell of a lot more when this two way communication stuff started. There are so many lovely baby moments but also frustrating ones. There are frustrating toddler communications, too, obviously, but I prefer them to the feeling of being the only creature in the room with the power of speech.
So sweet! I can’t believe how big he’s getting!
My parents told me that they would sit babyme under the dining room chandelier and I would sing to it.
I will just say, AWESOME.
Love it. These moments are so helpful, huh? Its like a huge sigh of relief when you both arent exhausted after a must-do-task (changing a diaper)…W’s open-close buddy like the same type of reward system, and boy is it helpful!
That is wonderful!!!
That’s so cute! We’re working on understanding each other still. B is mastering “no no no no no” and “yeah yeah” lately. But not necessarily in context. And I don’t approve of his running from the room saying “no no no no no” when I ask for a smooch.
Woot woot!! When the Tweedles started to understand what I meant and said, and I understood them it was like a church choir jumped in to my life and sang, “Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!”. Dipe changes aren’t the easiest around here either. One day I almost fell over w/ a Tweedle on my lap from laughing so hard at watching HunHun change a dirty diaper as that Tweedle thought it was time to do the bicycle in a frantic motion while laughing hysterically at HunHun freaking at not having wipes at hand.
And I so imagine W saying “the light”.. I want to hear it.
Wow!! I love that!! It’s so amazing, isn’t it? Today, BB said “Pooee, poo, poo!” to me and laughed hysterically. Not in the same league, I know, but I was changing a particularly explody nappy at the time.
Sorry for being out of touch for a while – been catching up with your blog and am so thrilled about your new job!! Brilliant.
Oh, that’s fantastic. We went through a dreadful period where diaper changes were torture. It was awful.
Elizabeth has a set of paper lantern lights on a string for her room. From Target, like $10. Something like these:
Wonderful! I have a crazy diaper change baby, too. Flipping over, crazy legs and arms. I’ve actually yelled at her to stay still. Then I feel terrible. My niece was so good about it. She would smile happily when it was time for a diaper change, and actually lift up her tushie to help.
Beautiful.
Mine used to be fine for diaper changes until this week, when Burrito decided that he has better things to do. Today I mastered the standing-up change. Step 1: pray there’s no poop when you open the diaper.
oh I loved this story…it’s amazing when you see that they “UNDERSTAND” and look forward to something.
my eyes were welling up…this story made me smile
Isn’t that fantastic when that happens? My daughter is RIDICULOUS in her speech. I say this because I had a son who (at 4 1/2 is STILL in speech therapy) so I am constantly amazed by how she can communicate with me. At 16 months old. It really does make all the difference in the world when dealing with an unruly toddler.
Amazing post. How something as simple as light can be so rewarding for W. What a great little guy. Made me smile today, thanks. xoxo
Oh, how that story makes me smile! So very sweet, that boy of yours.
I love this story!
I love it that he loves the light.
What a joy he is!! I hope I get to meet you and him in person when I go out to Baltimore in March.
Sweet!
LIKE! X 100!
(I keep a flashlight in the little box next to the changing table, and it’s an AWESOME Smoosh distraction whilst changing the “Oh LAWRDIES!”
Georgia adores ceiling fans. No touch!
I almost feel bad about this but I have made Nana (grandma) based promises (or threats – nana won’t come over!) to get through some diaper changes. We have a potty seat so most of the time if she doesn’t want to have a diaper on I say then go nakey! And just tell me when you have to use your potty. Doesn’t always work but we have wood floors so cleaning up isn’t so difficult.
Congrats. You’ve got one super amazing kid and you’re one super amazing mama to have put it all together in a way that is magic for you all.
Very cool. Great reward system and so awesome to have something relatively easy to reward him with.
“Light!” was one of our son’s first words, too. He was especially into pointing out light bulbs that were burned out when we went to restaurants and he never tired of proclaiming, “The light is on” and “The light is off” as my husband and I turned the lights in our house on and off.
He also adored ceiling fans, so much so that we were a little scared that he might be obsessed with them in an autistic way.
What parent of a toddler today isn’t frightened by the autism epidemic?
When he was really small, being hoisted up to examine the spice rack on the kitchen wall would stop his crying every time. Something about the array of little bottles filled with dried-up stuff really got to him.
I wonder what entranced little kids before the age of electricity?