Later this morning I have a sit down meeting with my caseworker. I have never met him, never spoken with him, but when the system shuffled the deck he was assigned to us. Officially he will be my fourth caseworker and yet he is the first one that I am extremely nervous about meeting. And it didn’t take me long to land on the reason why- it’s that he is a man. And it isn’t that I don’t think that the profession of caseworker should be strictly female, but everything to do with the memory of a caseworker in Florida that was, by far, one of the cruelest people I have met.
Granted I have had some not so friendly women “helping” me here, but for every eye rolling state employee I came across there was usually another one smoothing things back down and getting things back on track.
And (with the exception of my primary care doctor) I generally don’t have opinions about the sex of people that I work with. It is a total non-issue.
But the caseworker in Florida? He was just horrid. (He was the one that I had to meet with in the paternity office and he had many things to say about how W came to be. He made me feel awful.) And it took me ages to let go of all of the hurtful and unnecessary comments.
Thankfully I can no longer remember the guy’s face but one fact remains and sadly it is tinging my anxiety about today’s meeting: he was a man. So does this mean that every man that I deal with when it comes to my family will have an OPINION? It isn’t a rational anxiety, but maybe it is the one I am allowing to overshadow the other ones. Because this feels somehow safer to worry about than the other stuff- like will our coverage get an end date? Will the food stamps end?
Mother has asked to come with us and I do hope there is someone there that we can talk employment with. While she does always manage to come back to the place of hope some days are harder than others. And she is struggling with self worth and all of the stuff that you can imagine might surface when all the hundreds and hundreds of applications go unresponded to.
So we are both feeling a bit raw today, bracing for an uncomfortable morning and what will surely be a tear filled afternoon. Have case worker/evaluation stories? Bring ‘em. Or just tell me something that will distract me from constantly thinking about how bad it might be…
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I have come to the conclusion that most social workers, like nurses and other people who work in “helping” fields (I’m sure there’s a better name for them than that, but mehhh), chose their career paths for one of two reasons:
1. They genuinely want to help people because they are caring, nurturing, empathetic angels on earth.
or
2. They enjoy the feeling of power that comes from having control over others who are suffering.
*****
One time during my family’s dark days I had the following conversation with a caseworker:
Worker: WHY isn’t your ex paying child support?
Me: He’s angry I got custody and says if I can’t feed the children I’ll have to send them to live with him.
Worker: How do you expect us to believe he’s not paying child support when there is a COURT ORDER?
Me: I…he…isn’t…though.
Worker: We can’t help you unless you can prove he’s not paying the support.
Me: How?
Worker: We need a signed affidavit from him stating that he refuses to pay.
Um…yeah.
It’s St. Patrick’s Day. The Luck of the Irish will be with you, and this caseworker will be wonderful. If he isn’t, call up an leprechaun to sic on his ass.
If he says anything unpleasant, write it down and file a complaint with his supervisor, and the agency head. They’re not there to judge, they’re there to evaluate. It’s slightly different, and they ought to be able to understand the intricacies.
We are both walking into anxious appointments today. Both of us will come out fine, I am convinced. Or at least I am hoping for us.
Hoping you are given the luck you so deserve.
It’s a awful that you had that experience and understandable that it’s causing some anxiety now. Maybe it’ll help to think that W will grow up to be a man one day (like 99% of boys) and he’ll be a wonderful and compassionate man because you raised him that way. Just as that is possible, and very likely, it is also very possible that the man who you will meet today was raised by fabulous and wonderful parent/s and is as caring and compassionate as your W will be.
Go well.
I am so crossing everything in hopes that today goes well. We’re around all afternoon if you guys are free.
Maybe he’s a donor himself, with a great belief in helping families be created! (See, Jen is an optimist.) Good luck, I hope it goes well. If it doesn’t, let me know and I’ll come up and beat someone up for you.
Sorry that you had to deal with that, so lame. I hope today’s meeting goes smoothly!
I had one male social worker and he was very kind, good looking too! I always get SO nervous when I go into talk to social workers! Everything always ends up being fine, but I like to fret, I guess.
I use to care if I had a male nurse or doctor; I would ONLY have females. I just made myself get over it by saying “this man has not hurt me, that was another man. I can DO this!” It did work, after saying it to myself a few times.
I hope your appointment well! Thinking of you and sending you lots of love and comfort!
*HUGS*
I really hope everything goes smoothly.
I love what Clara said. Perhaps, with luck, tomorrow you’ll meet with a man as compassionate as you are raising W to be. Good luck.
i dont know if they do it up in your state but here in TN they give you the option to have your stuff sent in and then do a phone interview with them. I did this back in jan when i had to reapply for the foodstamps for the kids and it went beautiful and lasted maybe 30 min at the most
good luck and positive thoughts!!! hugs!
Hope the meeting goes well!