Comments on: Sisterhood of the infertility paths

By: LJ

LJ — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 22:49:09 +0000

I’m right there with you. I also, however, have noticed the opposite. I feel exceedingly disconnected from other mothers who have not dealt with infertility in some way.

By: charmedgirl

charmedgirl — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 13:09:53 +0000

it took me 4 years, and i got ivf triplets. having multiples, it’s almost impossible NOT to (at the very least) get the questions: “are they natural?” “was it drugs?” “does it run in your family?”

and of course…”you got it all over with in one shot!”

which leads, of course, to the possible disclosure of my full-term dead baby. i, too, talk about it to promote some kind of normalcy for us dead baby moms. infertility…stillbirth…omg. sometimes i wonder what it’s like to live with a non-destroyed reproductive self.

despite all of that, YES. i talk about the infertility, the treatments, the baby death. if we don’t talk about it, then what?

By: Salome

Salome — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 16:38:33 +0000

I used to talk about the infertility thing all the time but now that my son is 21 it no longer seems germane. People sometimes ask how long we were married before our son was born and I’ll tell them five years. Sometimes I’ll add that we were infertile for three years and I found out I was pregnant the week I was accepted to law school and a month after we started working with an adoption agency.
My hubby was already a third of the way through law school and I went ahead and became a first year law student with morning sickness, bloating and all kinds of malaise. We told the adoption agency thanks but no thanks.
I had the baby and found out that one of my fallopian tubes was permanently off duty from scar tissue resulting from an operation to remove my left kidney, thus solving the mystery of why it took so long to get pregnant.
It was an exciting adventure but once our son was born we were busy with raising him and building our careers. I’ll never forget what it felt like to long for a baby with every fiber of my being and not know if I’d ever have one of my own but time goes by and other things take precedence. Our son is a much-loved college student now and we’re a very happy family of three. I feel extremely blessed.

By: Erin

Erin — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 03:24:20 +0000

I’m a single mother by choice as well, and also went the IVF route. For a long time I was very vocal about my infertility journey, but I’ve found now that my girls are reaching two, I’m quieter. I don’t feel the need to wave my IF flag always anymore. I’m still open about my story and will help anyone I can, with any knowledge or research I can, but I do it more on my terms now.

By: Olive

Olive — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 19:04:42 +0000

Right now I’m counting on people like you to talk about this because we are too deeply entrenched. It’s too hard and present and personal to discuss with most people because we don’t know how our IF story is going to ‘end.’ But I plan to talk about and bring it up once we have our baby. And I’m so thankful for people like you who are putting it out there now.

By: Paz

Paz — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:26:34 +0000

So Mrs. Alpaca is one of us too? We are everywhere.

A plow job? never mind, I just thought… oh. the snow.

By: V

Tue, 09 Feb 2010 04:15:27 +0000

Funny you should write this. I was at a jewelry store recently (had gift certificates from Christmas), and I started talking to the owner. She asked about my husband and I told her that I was SMC, she apologized for assuming I was married. I told her no worries and I was happy to be a mother at all because it was a long shot to say the least. An hour of chatting later, I found out that she had 5 miscarriage, include a stillbirth at 20 weeks which happened at home, She told me it was nice to talk to someone who “gets it”. I’m pretty open because I’m am eternally grateful for Lu and I IF is nothing to be ashamed of, so I’ll keep talking.

By: Kymberli

Kymberli — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 22:13:07 +0000

Having read my post “Passport Children,” you know that this is a topic that I somewhat still struggle with. I’m so glad I wrote that post because the comments that I received on it – yours included – have helped me begin to shape a new attitude towards talking openly about my inability to get pregnant easily. I find myself now becoming more vocal about it and sharing. And I’ve found that it doesn’t take much of a comment to feel out where the other stands on infertility/fertility. Just a little quip like yours – “It wasn’t exactly easy to get my four kids…” and in an instant I know whether I’m talking with a sister at arms or, from the blank stare and quick move-on, someone who is completely clueless. The most satisfying reaction, though, have been the couple of times where I’ve stumbled onto someone who is having trouble conceiving but is only at the start and doesn’t know whether to make heads or tails of their non-conceptions. Twice since I’ve written that post, I’ve found someone who, with wide eyes upon hearing that it took some treatment for me to get pg or that I’ve been through and know a lot about IVF because of my surrogacies, have asked for more information about infertility and what their next steps should be. Feeling like I have some answers and like I can pass on along a little hope that it’s possible — that’s indescribable.

By: Faith

Faith — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 16:54:43 +0000

I used to talk about it a lot more than I do now. If I ever hear of anyone I know going through all the infertility workups, I’ll talk to them, share with them if they want to know, let them know that any time they want someone to talk to who’s been there, I’m there. But people don’t always want to hear from me because I’m one of the unsuccessful stories. No kids. No successful IVF, no adoption nothing. Just me, my husband, and the dogs. And I do have people I can talk to when the feelings of longing and sorrow become too great to handle. And if anyone ever asks my story, I share it.