Last night, in the dark thirty hours of the evening, I was awake reading articles from the New York Times on my phone. I came across this one and it made me pause. I think 3am isn’t the best and most profound hour for reading comprehension so throughout the day I found myself processing.
Two refills ago my pepto colored pills suddenly changed to pale barney purple. And since then every effing morning I look at the pill in my hand and think, “It’s Fred.”
I honestly don’t know if I would really notice if my antidepressants were placebos. I think part of what makes the pills effective (for me) is knowing that it is a proactive step towards my own mental health. Would they be more effective if I was having a side dish of therapy? Hells yes.
I think I fall into a category of depressed called, “I can get myself out of bed but some days I don’t see the point.” But some days I fall into the, “I can’t process what you* are saying to me because all I hear is how much you hate me and what a stupid, ugly, awful, lame loser I am.” (& by “you” I could very well mean the gal ringing up my groceries) I can become utterly irrational within my depression. And the shitty part is that I am aware of it.
But I continue to take my purple pills and whisper to myself how much worse I might be without them. I took myself off of them a few months back to see if it was an economical thing to do like canceling cable. And within a week I felt off. I felt freaked out.
And I wished that I had a professional person to talk to. (um. Instead I blogged. woo!)
It’s always going to revert back to health insurance with me. I’ll take a gander that some people that are prescribed antidepressants might be better candidates for talk therapy. I certainly know (raising my hand) that I would have a better mental health if I could have the pill/therapy combo.
But what worries me about this study that the article mentions, is that for every person running to their doctor looking for a shortcut to removing Chekov from their bedside table there are loads of people staying in and fretting about the damn stigma that exists about antidepressants.
And now there is the study that is all, “sugar pills!! neener! neener!”
I am opting to believe that my pills are working because I want them to work. Just like the people that drive around with Hawaiian leis roped around their rear-view mirror think that they are on a beautiful sandy beach. (right? Is that why every third car has one??)
So how about a little Monday morning poll to brighten up your day:
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{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I gave the pills too much power and put them waaay up on a pedestal. I thought they would be this magic fix. But they are indeed just a part of a mental health helping package. Like you, when I have tried to wean myself off of them, it was a disaster. I truly believe there is a chemical imbalance in me and these pills I take help. It is not a perfect fix, but it is a head start, in a way. Is it possible to find a therapist near you know? Perhaps a hospital has a sliding scale (read: free) program?
They’re just another tool. And if they help you (general you) do what you need to do, then they are worth it. Whether it’s because of chemicals (which I do believe) or placebo affect (which I’m sure does happen for some people). You and I have already talked about the position of this stuff in our house, so I won’t repeat all of that, but just want to remind you.
The pills don’t make things better. They just make us better at dealing with things. ♥
You make me happy!
I go back and forth with the pills. I suffer from a mild for of SAD and when I have all of my “resources” and strength then I can battle it without medication, when the crap hits the fan I need them. However a little part of me feels like I am giving up when I take them, like I am not good enough to do it on my own, not good enough to make myself better. I think what I have learned is to do what you need to do to make it through the rough days.
Well, if the article is correct, than I was much more severely depressed than I thought I was. Based on my history, I am 110% convinced that my depression is caused by hormonal changes, which apparently throws off the chemicals in my brain. If my pills balance my brain chemistry enough to make me tolerable, I’ll take it, placebo effect or not.
Like you, I think talk therapy would be a good addition to the medication, but things beyond my control have prevented me from pursuing that option. I hate that I’m dependent on a medication to be even sort of normal and functional, and would change it in a heartbeat if I could. For now, though, my $5 a month pills win out over ridiculously expensive therapy.
Things that make me happy: nature, a healthy, homecooked meal, spending time with friends and family, be creative, laughing, a good conversation, exercise, a really good story, sleeping in when the weather is crappy, walking instead of taking the bus, hiking a mountain, hanging out with my cat, getting hugs from my boyfriend, drinking a fancy beer after a long week of work, exploring a new town or city.
Good chocolate…without fail, good chocolate makes me happy. Family makes me happy, but they also make me sad/angry/irritated/goofy/irritated/joyous/happy/irritated.
You know, the plus side of this article is that the drug companies could start marketing placebos for much less than real drugs cost. It could work for many people, and save them money too. But I don’t doubt that there are plenty of people who need to have the chemical composition of their brains adjusted. There shouldn’t be a stigma associated with getting the drugs – as far as I can tell, everyone’s crazy to some extent.
Love this post. Happy pills saved my life and continue to do so. Without them, I become deeply depressed within 2-3 days and suicidal within 2 weeks. This is not normal (so they tell me). Believe me, I don’t want to be on the pills. I’ve tried to be off them so many times, and then I start crying from the emotions I get from Destiny Child’s “Survivor” and ranting about how people have betrayed me. Apparently, that is not normal, either.
The only thing I get from sugar is more weight, so I’m thinkin’ that the pills work for those with clinical depression. I do agree that the pills should be more a “part of your complete breakfast” as opposed to a stand-alone panacea.
I did a post about things that make me happy not long ago…family, my crafts, my friends all fall into this category.
That said, I have been on antidepressants. For me, it was short term and situational but they were definitely needed. I wish there wasn’t such a stigma attached to them.
So I had to quit taking my antidepressants for the last year or so of nursing school. I can’t remember the exact rationale as I know I had insurance for part of that but then for part of it I didn’t have insurance. I spent at least the last 3 quarters pretty much a basket case (fall and winter being the worst). I have a big problem too with the whole irrational thinking when I’m depressed. I know it”s irrational but I can’t stop it or turn it off. I also kept worrying about getting off and staying off the meds. Finally I had a class mate sit down and talk to me about how if I was diabetic I wouldn’t feel guilty for taking medication to deal with my diabetes and that depression can be an illness and I shouldn’t feel guilty about treating the illness. There will always be those people though who see it as a weakness instead of an illness (some of them doctors) and that those with depression should just “get over it” or “move on”. It’s so much more than that. Would I benefit from therapy? Hell yes. Do I think therapy would get me off my anti depressants? No. I’ve had problems with depression since I was like 14. I remember wishing I could just disappear at 14. It took me until my late 20′s to figure out what was wrong and till my mid 30′s to quit feeling like it was a character weakness and to understand that it truly is a medical condition.
1st – I do think for some people the idea of taking something to make them better works, and if it does so be it. For the majority, though, I truly believe that meds are needed to help deal with whatever issue/s they may be facing. Migraines – when I get a headache it is severe, throwing up, needing darkness, and typically putting pressure on my temple, along with several doses of meds. If taking the pills made me feel better, than why would I still have to keep taking them? Wouldn’t it make it better the first time I took them? This is small compared to other health issues, but the concept is there.
2nd – I chose family, my immediate family (husband and children – which I long for desperately).
you know, my mother is a type 1 diabetic. I’ve never heard anyone tell her that she should be able to do without her insulin. Depression is a real, medical problem. Medication helps. Glad it helps you.
Exercise makes me happy. Not so much while I am doing it, but after — modest, moderate, aerobic exercise: bike, elliptical, lap swimming, water aerobics. Swimming makes me really happy because I am such a water baby…..
FRIENDS!
dude – I clicked “brown paper packages tied up with string,” because reading it brought a smile to my face.
And asking me in the MORNING if my family makes me happy, HELLS NO! Everyone is tired, cranky, and rushing to get out of the house. Ask me an hour later, and you bet! Also, I’d be lost without my Lexapro – the anxiety would eat away my soul.
So I’d choose 3. Brown paper packages tied up with string, because a) I’m a present whore, and b) I LOVE The Sound of Music, and of course, Family and meds.
I voted for food. Not gulping down great quantities of food in a miserable crying fit type of thing, which just makes me ashamed of myself. But certain foods. A fancy tea with honey, a fresh mozzarella and tomato salad, a perfectly cooked musroom risotto. That sort of thing.
Anyhoo, in my unscientific totally unresearched opinion, I think there’s depression, and then there’s the overprescription of antidepressants. I think if someone’s a bit blue (but not really depressed) and the doc tells them some pills are going to work and they happen to be sugar pills but help the person feel better, well, hey! Woot. And all that. And yes, they may have been better off with talk therapy. But then that person probably didn’t need antidepressants in the first place. Those with actual depression, however, are another story. As already mentioned, it’s a real medical problem. And nobody should be made to feel bad for taking their medication, or that maybe it’s not really doing anything useful.
great lack of happiness here these days, should be made happy by bouncy lil 4 *5* year old who it would appear is starting to heal from her trauma(s), and wonderful spouse of seven (!?!) years, but really just blah.
I am considering that they are sugar pills but said wife insists that they work for her.
I loved ‘brown paper packages tied up with string’ too, as I would also categorize myself as a ‘present whore.’ such unabated excitement and joyful anticipation in opening a present. All the others make me happy at various times. my second choice was spirituality but I include dancing in my spirituality. I do Ecstatic Dance and contact improv dance and these feel sacred/spiritual and feed a deep part of myself as I ‘let go into the flow’ of the movement. thanks for the opportunity for reflection. May your happiness sources be abundant!
You know, I saw that study and wondered if my pills are doing anything more than giving me massive headaches if I forget to take them for two days. I was in talk therapy with a fucking brilliant therapist for 4 years and “graduated” last spring, but kept the meds on the lowest therapeutic dose. Some days I’m fine, but many I am fine but struggling to stay there, through no other reason than anxiety that is just there. Whatever. Placebo or not, I don’t want to give up my pills yet – even if I know that there’s nothing to be scared of.
Also, when I was about 2.5-3, I found where my mom kept the Flinstone vitamins and kept eating them until I found a Pebbles. Poison Control was swiftly called, and I don’t recall if I ever got to Pebbles.
If you do feel like you need a side dose of therapy too, most county mental health boards have sliding scale sessions- or free ones, depending on your means or lack thereof. Wait times can sometimes be long, but it might be worth looking into. My sister has worked the same job for 10 years, but is denied insurance because of mental health hx, so she gets her meds and therapy through the county board of mental health. She otherwise would never be able to afford it.
I fight depression. It’s in my family. I went to see a therapist and that helped me like no one’s business because I felt like I was addressing some of the root causes of my personal issues (although depression is often more than just one’s issues obviously) He helped me see things about myself I wans’t looking at it and my thought patterns and how to break them. i had insurance but I know he had a sliding scale for people who did not have insurance. I hope that over time you can get some therapy but in the meantime if the pills help, placebo or not, they are worth it. In the meantime I think the biggest benefit I got out of therapy was being aware of what I’m thinking and reflecting on why I’m thinking it. I dont’ see a therapist anymore but I journal
whoops it didn’t finish my thoughts, I just wanted to say that journaling and writig it ;out and explorig why I felt that way has helped a great deal in overcomin negative emotions.
In all seriousness I couldn’t do without my “happy pill” each day. I only started a few months ago and can’t believe the difference. I still look to chocolate and other “bad” foods when things get stressful, but at least with the pill in my system I am much calmer and less stressed than I was prior. Luckily I also see a therapist (clinical psychologist) every couple of weeks and she is helping me greatly too (at a cost!).
Pills, food, select family, and spirituality make me happy but what makes me happiest is a secluded beach, a chair, an umbrella, and a book.
What makes me happy: plans for the future, medication and therapy. Besides of all the little things (that really matter) I know that these three are the most important to me. Until I reach the point where therapy won’t be necessary anymore, I’ll just take the medication and one time (I don’t know when) I’ll no longer take the pills! yay!
So, the winter thing totally dominated my answer…but I need to augmenting the Hawaiian lei choice by adding along with a Mai Tai buzz at sunset accompanied by a lovely South Pacific breeze caressing my newly bronzed skin…
did you SEE my car last thursday afternoon??? yep. rainbow hawaiian lei around my rear-view mirror.
that totally made me grin…
things that make me happy? being claimed by the most awesome people i have ever met. and also? little charlie-brown-headed babies who let me hug up on them and steal kisses from their cheeks
For me, it’s all about being in control, or at least having the illusion that I’m in control. Even when I know for a fact that I’m not in control, if someone will just let me organize my sock drawer by type of sock (athletic, dress, fuzzy, holiday) or make a really long to-do list and check a few things off, I’m a happy camper. Drugs might do it too — in fact, many many many of my family members rely on them (much to their and our great relief) — but then… well, the drugs would be in control, and god forbid I cede that kind of power over my life to anyone!!
(Oh, and of course the smell of my baby boy fresh out of the bath. That’s a smile-inducer every time. That and the way he’s just learning to make a kissing sound when he puts his drooly little lips on my cheek. So. Freaking. Cute.)
Calli i got involved witha depressive a few years back and in trying to help her help herself i found out there were only four ways to combat depression.
(1) medication
(2) talk theraphy
(3)diet
(4)exercise
I’ve only heard you talk in your blog about the pills and talk therapy,but never about how you’ve geared you eating habits or are following an exercise regimen of some kind. From all the professionals i talk with, including a nutritionist, it’s important to attack depression from all angles.
Good luck!