I am totally BFF’s with the voice that lives inside most of W’s electronic toys. The sweet sounding woman sings in such a clear and happy voice that I can’t help but sing along and be uplifted. Of course by minute 7 I want to kick the toy in the face, but minutes 0-6 are almost pleasant and wonderful.
W has an awesome hand me town toy that he plays with during his morning crib party. (aka the time I park him in the crib while I get coffee brewing, laundry started, and hopefully accomplish any number of things that would fall under the category, “things not easily done with a baby on your hip”) He has blocks and stuffed dolls and an empty wipes box but he LOOOOOOVES his fisher price pasta bowl toy. (photo below is not W because you know I would not deck my kid out in this much orange…just saying)
So every morning I run around the house trying to get stuff done and the sound track is this chipper voice telling me to “put the red pan in, take the blue pan out, put the red pan in and toss it all about.” Good times. I mean it isn’t Aretha, but it’s better than crying or the sound machine.
And some mornings I totally have these moments where I wonder who the heck this fisher price singer lady is. I wonder if I went to college with her. Maybe she was a music major? And did she sing for all the toys at once (because she is totally the voice inside two other toys we have) or does she get called in whenever there is a new toy. And does she always sound so effing happy all of the effing time? Is she the kind of girl that makes muffins from scratch and writes her thank you cards promptly? Or is she a secret Goth chick? Or, worse, is she a robot voice and not human at all???
And then yesterday something awful happened. Evil took over the toy. Evil or maybe a dying toy battery. All I know is that I was putting dishes in the dishwasher and heard a very mean and scary voice demanding that W “put the reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed pan iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin.” And I totally had a freak out, hair on the back of my neck, moment. It was like the toy was telling W to put the lotion in the basket. FREAKY.
And that was the end of playtime in the crib. Because heaven knows when I will be able to track down replacement batteries and no way is W going to play with a toy when it has clearly gone to the dark side. This morning W had his morning confinement er playtime with his jumparoo. And this afternoon we will be playing a new game called, “individual play next to Mama as she sorts through books to be sold.” You know he is looking forward to that.
Any of you guys have a toy go rogue on you?
{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Ooooooh, my husband hates that lady. Actually, he hates all things Laugh and Learn. He’s convinced they were created by the devil specifically to torture him.
We have the Laugh and Learn piano that’s currently acting rogue-ish. It’s decided that it only wants to play the first few notes of any song, then it just stops. So W hits the keys again, and we hear the same few notes, over, and over, and over, and over ad nauseum. I never knew “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” could be used as a torture device.
Then he’ll decide he wants to play with his stupid ride-on train thingy that makes the most annoying boinging/popping sound in the world. Five minutes of that makes me want to go crazy.
I know the voice of the dying evil plaything quite well. But this post had me rolling laughing.
Yes! In the middle of the night I woke up in terror because some creepy voice kept asking me to “Help me up, please”. Turns out Elmo had just lost battery power but I couldn’t get back to sleep.
“It was like the toy was telling W to put the lotion in the basket. FREAKY.”
OMFG I am rolling over here!
Elizabeth had an empty wipes box too. She also ADORES the empty shampoo bottle in the tub.
A few months ago (after watching one to many Ghost Hunters episodes) I was in my daughters bedroom checking on her in her sleep. I turned to leave, and her toy kitchen exploded with noise…. I stopped in my place hoping it would stop… and it did… so I took a step and it went off again (makes cooking noises).
I was convinced there was a ghost in her room screwing with me so I yelled at it and told it to leave…. The noise went off again and did not stop for 5 mins while I sat there prayng to Jesus to save us.
Finally I grabbed the damn thing, dragged it downstairs, took out all its batteries and told the ghost “there!! screw with me now!”
stupid ghost
Ha! Love the Silence of the Lambs ref.
We made a pact to never buy “voice toys.” What did my mom bring for Miles yesterday? You got it…a Fischer Price piano with little moving figurines that sing. Thankfully, we can put it on a setting where it will only play a noise when he hits a key or a figure and not the whole she-bang. I can’t imagine what it would sound like once those batteries go, ugh.
AAAH yes, nothing like the evil batteries giving out voices…or the Elmo is stuck and he can’t get up position!
J’s Leap Frog table sometimes sings spontaneously from the other room. I blame the poltergeist.
Laughing heartily over here!
Growing up I had a doll that was supposed to talk or cry based on movement. Except it didn’t seem at all connected to actual movement. It would cry or talk randomly even if no one was touching it. We ended up taking out the sound box permanantly. Many years after the doll itself was gone the sound box lived on. We kept it in the guest bathroom medicine cabinet and it would continue to talk or cry at random.
We had that toy! I’d send it to you but I think we donated it in the move.
oh my gosh, I just choked with laughter! ALL toys with batteries get possessed by satan at one point! Our most amusing is the former mobile thinggy that plays either Mozart, a random lullaby, or white nose.
When her batteries are dying? Mozart sounds like a truck driver on queludes.
Holly and Lo – TOTALLY! That damn leap frog table, for NO REASON WHATSOEVER will blink its lights and SING! And Elmo’s “I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up” routine is a CLASSIC at our place.
I am CRYING with laughter here.
Laughing heartily over here!
Growing up I had a doll that was supposed to talk or cry based on movement. Except it didn’t seem at all connected to actual movement. It would cry or talk randomly even if no one was touching it. We ended up taking out the sound box permanantly. Many years after the doll itself was gone the sound box lived on. We kept it in the guest bathroom medicine cabinet and it would continue to talk or cry at random.
Elmo Live got a bit possessed. Sadly Mama can’t find any more batteries to fit inside it – they just don’t make those kind pumpkin and I’ve looked everywhere.
The LeapFrog table occasional perks up on its’ own but I think that’s because H is jumping right beside it. Could do without the “Jazz Riff Lady” on one of the doors opening/closing.
Oh and I use “Put the Lotion on the baby” all the time when slathering up the kids after bath with lotion. Evil, evil mama.
Not fisher price. Still a hand me down…….a toy that has elmo and characters that sing a variety of songs. Actually a play table or something. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard Ernie sing about his nose….only to cut off big bird talking about the square….but the creepy thing is when the battteries started to die no one would even be in the room and the elmo head (yes the head) would start to bounce side to side. You would hear the motor moving it…..no music…just creepy elmo. Very creepy.
so so funny! thanks for the afternoon laughs. we have several toys that have gone to the dark side as well. i always get freaked out when i hear one of the evil toys talking in the middle of the night from downstairs. or after i turn off the light and go to leave a room. SCARY!! our leap frog table talks to us when the batteries are going dead, too. we are also big fans of all varieties of “it places the lotion in the basket” in our house. hilarious!
We had a puzzle that would moo at us anytime we turned off the kitchen light (even though it was not stored in the kitchen). Or just randomly moo. Each of the animal shapes had a little light sensor so that it would make the proper noise when you put the animal into its space. But the cow was a little…enthusiastic. Jen finally covered up the cow sensor so that the mooing would cease.
for months, there was a ghost horse galloping and neighing sickly in my kid’s closet every time a door would open or shut or someone would walk into the matching upstairs room I COULD NOT FIND THE THING… it was on the top shelf under three blankets…
Then there was the demon bear that would cry peeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaahhahhhhhhhkkkkaaaaaaaaaahhhhhbooouuuuugggggghhhhhh
and then there’s the twenty0something cricket doll on the top shelf in the office… she has her own problems…
I used to work at a daycare and most of the time it was this clear cube that had different shaped holes on the side to put the blocks in, randomly went off but in a really demonic sound. Also an elmo usually just started talking randomly. creeepy.
I have had many toys go rogue.
Usually battery related, except this one time it was dribble/spew.
Guess that IS battery related, indirectly.
g
I want to know what it says about your fan base that soooo many of us actually use the phrase “It puts the ________ in/on the _________” in our everyday lives? That is just a hysterical story. It seriously made my eyes tear up with laughing. Wil has a fart machine that some wonderful soul gave to him. A battery operated remote controlled noise box. It likes to go off completely randomly and seemingly when I am home alone it goes off the most. Every time I hear it and go on the hunt to dispose of it I can never find it. Hysterically funny post – I totally get the hair raises on the back of your neck from it too. Love you!!! And the creepy Elmo response freaked me out – i would have burned the damn thing!
OMG that was hilarious. “It puts the lotion on its skin.” Priceless. (Did you realize that the guy who played Wild Bill is now the police chief on Monk? That’s major weirdness because I still see him as the freak dancing around in a suit of woman skin.)
Yes, I have had a toy go crazy on me. My favorite of the kids’ toys is one that we’ve had since the twins were babies. It’s a green Sesame Street bong which lights up and plays all these spicy Latin rhythms a la Sesame Street style. I’ll be damned – I found one on eBay here: .
Anyway, if you press on the big Ernie button, you can hear him saying things like, “Feel the beat! Arriba, arriba!”
Imagine my surprise when I heard the Devil instead of Ernie growl, “MMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE TOOOOOOOOOOOOO THEEEEEEEEEEEE RHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!”
Kyra and Jaiden weren’t the only ones who needed a diaper change that morning.
Love your new header picture!
Oman has a scooter/walking toy that plays this really annoying techno-pop song and it is like finger nails on a chalk board-but of course he LOVES it. Figures.
He has a crawl-ball that I forget to turn off, and that rolls and plays music in the middle of the night–creeeepy!
Lots of toys that go crazy over here, we buy stock in the three major types of batteries to help.
2 of the worst dying batteries were: 1. This Laugh and Learn puppy that you press and it would sing or talk. The puppy started talking in the middle of the night so much we put it in the trash. It was terrifying. 2. The other toy is Kinsley’s little Busy Bee that she has in her crib. It is based off of sounds/movements – so any time she moves it will sing a soothing song to help her fall asleep. Well, when the batteries die the thing will go off all night long in a very slooow voice. Creapy!
My friend has a Mrs. Beasley doll that I thought was horribly freaky and WRONG. This is due in part to my friend being in her later 20s when she purchased the doll and decided to display it in a child-size rocking chair in her living room.
I never liked the original Mrs. Beasley very much. I mean, she was creepy, with those scary eyeglasses and those weird yellow shoes. WTF, man?
I suspect Mrs. Beasley started whispering to Anissa Jones (the girls who played Buffy on “Family Affair”), encouraging her to start taking massive amounts or drugs and eventually overdose and die, as in: “I know what’s fun! Lots and lots of quaaludes! And tequila!”
I wouldn’t put anything past Mrs. Beasley.
Oh hey! I just noticed that Kymberli’s kids play with a green Seasame Street bong! I’m sure it keeps the kiddies mellow.
Way to go, Kymberli! You’ve got my vote for Mother of the Year!
J/K of course it’s a bongo… isn’t it?