You almost got a down and tumbly post about how I, in an absurd attempt to save not much money that it even matters, decided to stop taking my adorable pink antidepressants. Which is all kinds of stupid and lame because it isn’t like $30/month is going to solve the problems of the universe. And it is another dimension of ridiculous because the last thing I should be doing is operating heavy machinery (ie: My Life) without all the help I can get.
I was off the juice for nearly 4 days before I felt unhinged and broken. To sum it up, I am ill-equipped to function without medication. And being adrift was scary and wrong. I now know better.
And I could write more, but that would just be a wallowing meander and that’s no fun for anybody.
Instead you are going to hear about a mini road trip I took to Orlando yesterday with W to meet up with friends. In addition to the standard level of awesome I have come to expect from Jen and Miss Elizabeth I got to experience a new International awesome from a blogger that shall not be directly linked to but can be safely (& with her permission) inferred from this post.
We met up in a parking garage at an outlet mall and as we set forth towards the shops, three women, three strollers, four babies, I had this profound level of gratitude. This is what life looks like on the other side of infertility. All three of us had unique conception stories, unique birth stories, unique children (in the best way) and yet there was this base level of GET that we all understood. None of us were taking anything for granted.
I needed to be out of the house. This sadness isn’t fading anytime soon, but I certainly feel restored and refreshed just from being in such good company.
Photos will be uploaded later as flickr is taking ten years to get things up and Captain Adorable is Captain Creaky Sounds of Supreme Annoyance at the moment.
(aside confession of the morning: “sleep training” is totally about to be googled in this house. I know it is up to me to get this baby sleeping and I am clearly failing somehow. But sleeping from 10pm-1am and then waking up every 45minutes-an hour is just not working for either of us.)
UPDATED with promised photos:
above: one of the only photographs with all 4
above: No baby was harmed in this nomming
above: serious cuteness
above: two photos taken by Jen of W in a laugh
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Beware false economy!
Have you had any luck selling your extra stuff yet? You were looking into that at one point.
Yes, it’s a special kind of fun to have a mommy get-together with mommies who had a hard time getting there.
I’m so sorry about the sleeping issues. Have I told you about Allison’s sleeping habits? Ella slept through the night at 11 weeks. Karl, 12. But Allison wasn’t a sleeper. She’s go down just fine, but, like yours, she would wake up multiple times throughout the night. The average was 3 times, the record was 11 times. I tried EVERYTHING. Cry it out. Go in every 5, 7, 9, minutes. Leave her cry ALL night. Nightlights. Darkness. Warm. Chilly. Cold. Give her something with my scent on it. Give her a blanket. A pillow. Sippy cup of water. Milk. Nothing to eat before bed. Filling her up before bed. White noise. Quiet. Radio. A combination of everything and anything above. The list goes on and on.
The reason I say all of this is not to scare you, but once I just accepted the fact she woke up (we got to the point where all I had to do was get up, pat her on the back for 10 seconds and then I could go back to bed) it was easier to deal with. Even my pediatrician just told me she simply doesn’t have the mechanism to sleep through the night, it was her personality to get comforted during the night. So, once we just accepted the fact we didn’t have a sleeper, it made it easier. Not easier with the sleep deprivation, but easier in that we finally stopped looking for a solution.
She stayed like this until her 2nd birthday. In fact, in her birthday card, I wrote something like ~”I’ve loved watching you grow up and I can’t wait to see all the new things you’ll learn, hoping sleeping through the night is one of them” and THAT night, she slept through the night. And has ever since. Hell, if I knew all she was waiting for was a written request, I’d of done that sooner!!!
I hope your sleep training does get somewhere though. Sleep deprivation is just horrible. I completely understand. ~hugs~
we had our daughter cry it out once it got to the point where her sleep was incredibly disrupted. it was impossible to get her to sleep, and impossible to maintain sleep. we had three brutal and miserable nights–who knew that crying could be just that piercing and dramatic and mama-slaying? (i recommend washing dishes or sorting laundry. you have to keep busy, but it doesn’t quite feel right to watch a movie or do something enjoyable). and then she really started to sleep. she got tired at the same time every night, and slept for much longer and more regular stretches. it was great for us, but even better for her. good luck.
Good luck with the sleeping. I know you’ll find a solution that works for W and you!
Glad you were able to pull yourself back out of the murk. Hoping you get good news on the job front soon. xo
Good luck with the sleeping. I hope you find something that works. I hear you about the little happy pills. Whenever I stop them I do a massive nose dive emotionally. I’m prepared to take them forever.
I just read the No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It covers a lot of common sense approaches. I found them to be good reminders. I never thought I’d have to teach my son how to sleep. I thought that’s just what babies do. We continue to work on the techniques. Although he’s technically sleeping through the night (5-6 hours), he still wakes himself up in the early morning hours. It’s a work in progress. We’re still swaddling him because his hands and arms always wake him up.
Good luck and please share any sleeping tips that work for you.
The book “Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby” saved my life when my son was 7 months old. He still woke up occasionally at night until he was 14 months old, especially when he was sick or teething, but it was MUUUUUUUCH better. It took 8 1/2 days of sleep training, but it was WORTH IT. He became so much happier, and of course so did I. I never let him cry for extended periods of time, but there was some crying involved (from both of us). It did not scar him whatsoever — the kid absolutely loves his crib and is content to hang out in there, even after he wakes up and I come in to get him.
Good luck on the sleep issue and other challenges.
Oh my–those are some cute kiddos. Holy cow. See, it may take us longer to make them-but then they’re that much cuter. How fun.
And, dude, I’d sell my house before I’d give my SSRI. And I get the feeling your life is a bit more stressful. Hope you feel better soon.
What absolutely beautiful babies!!! I wish I could get together with you and walk around the mall. Ahhhhh…
You know Wil has never been much of a sleeper either. he gave up naps entirely (except for car trips) right before he turned 2 and has been a mess ever since. He will be 8 in January and for the past year has awakened anywhere from midnight to 3 a.m. and comes to sleep on our floor. We gave up fighting it because it was just too traumatic and exhausting for all of us. Plus it isn’t really hurting him to sleep on the floor. I figure he will either grow out of it or figure out how much comfier his own bed is fairly soon. We have seen improvement in the past couple of weeks, let’s hope it keeps on the upside. I guess what I’m saying is – good luck. None of it is easy and eventually you will come up with something that works just right for you both. Love you and hang in there.
So jealous that you have post-IF friends.
Sleep training is worth it, worth it, worthitworthitworthit.
I had to read “I now know better” before I could convince myself for sure that it was I NOW KNOW not I KNOW NOW.
Words are funny things!
Hang in there….
Glad to hear your finding a path with a little help from medication. Take what you need when you need.
As for sleep issues. Yup, been there done that. We cried it out and it worked for us. I did read Healthy Habits book and Ferber’s book also. I did find useful information from Healthy Habits that helped me find out H’s nap patterns and her cues (or lack of them) to tell me she was tired. Once I found the pattern, figured out how best to plonk her down and we cried it out (yes I say we because it is very hard to do) we now are great sleepers. I am very strict with nap schedules in the house which is hard with two kids. Thanks to my screw-ups with H, Z had a much better time learning to nap/sleeping on her own. Currently we hear Z at 2:30 or so chattering away and it’s all good because I know she’s capable of self-soothing and going back to sleep. The other thing to keep in mind is that WW might be having a busy brain period where he’s working on new skills. That seriously keeps them up at night – Z just learnt to walk so hence she’s up at 3:30. I’d suggest reading a bunch of different resources and finding one that works for you. If at first it doesn’t work try it for 3-5 days, then re-evaluate and move on to a new method. Sleep takes training and a happy rested mommy = happy baby.
“sleeping from 10pm-1am and then waking up every 45minutes”
That is absolutely what D did. All night every night. It was a killer. I night weaned him at 8.5 months & then he just cried all night
Awesome awesome photos. Will you be my personal photographer and just follow my family around? haha.
p.s. Feel better soon!
I think Jen has it right when she says I am lucky I have a good and a fair sleeper in combo- or I would be in danger of getting smug with just Miss Saag to deal with. She has a flat head, she’s such a great sleeper.
Naan? Keeps my feet on the 3am ground from time to time
It was awesome to put a friendly face to the name at long last.
xx
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Wait, W was smiling when I was nomming him, right? He looks terrified in that picture, but I don’t remember him being terrified.
We did sleep training with the whole me going in at one minute, three minutes, five minutes, eight minutes. It took about three nights to work properly. (But nap training worked in like five minutes.)
That is a cute baby you have.
I hear you on the sleep stuff…so so hard! We finally trained our boy at around 6 months when I convinced my wife that he wouldn’t be permanently scarred if he cried for a while but our marriage would be if I didn’t get some freaking sleep [the breastfeeding mom always bears the brunt]. Anyway, I recommend the Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child book as it has a lot of good info about sleep and what they need at different ages, etc. For practical advice we used “The Sleepeasy Solution” by Waldburger and Spivack to good result…it has a lot of the same advice as the other books, probably, but it just clicked with us. He was sleeping through the night within a couple of days and we felt bad that we hadn’t done it sooner, for all of us! Hope you get some relief soon. I am a crazy person w/o sleep so it wasn’t pretty around here!
I was just gonna email you asking for a W fix and lo and behold-NEW PIX!!! The one Jen took are the best ever!
So glad you were able to get out of the house and away from it all for a few hours.
Love all the adorable baby pictures.