This morning W and I traveled solo to visit GM. The occasion? He looked cute wearing a plaid outfit from one of his Internet Aunties. Well and also, even if just for myself, I wanted to mark the birthday of GM’s cousin. Today this cousin is 88 and in three weeks and three days GM will be that age as well. The difference between the two of them has always been there: one cousin was not shy, the other was. One cousin was married with children, the other not. And now one cousin has Alzheimer’s and the other does not.
The visit began a bit clunky. It was a day that GM did not know us. Neither me nor the baby registered with her until the very end of our visit. We were just a nice lady stopping by with “some baby”. But thankfully GM allowed us to sit next to her as she contemplated eating the warm pureed lunch before her. It is amazing what gets tossed in a blender. Her meals remind me of that Willy Wonka gum- looks like gum but it has all the flavor of a full Sunday dinner. GM’s lunch all looks like different colors of mashed potatoes, right down to a small cup of pink that I later learn is strawberry cake.
As I quietly sat next to GM, bouncing W on my knee like I have done it all of my life, I was so aware of his effect on the other residents of the home. They gazed at him, cooed from across the room, sang songs under their breath that I knew were for this baby I held, but were also echos of lullaby’s for other babies from their life.
I have mentioned it before, but as much as I love to see how W opens up the heart and mind of my own Grandmother I also have come to appreciate his power to unlock other people’s Grandmothers. He has been visiting this nursing home since he was 6 days old and while I would guess that many residents are not aware of an actual passing of time, they do seem to be keenly aware of W growing.
I am known as the “girl with the doll”, the “one with that baby”, or simply told, with glee, that “I’ve really got IT”. And luckily I have pretty much learned W’s timing well enough that I don’t have him visiting during his reflux hour(s) so he no longer is a blob that cries, but something to smile at.
This is really the only time that W wears his fancy duds. Around home he is a t-shirt and onesie kind of guy- but if we are going to the nursing home I like to put him in something to please his fans. He’s like a little rock star in their life, or at least that is how it feels most visits.
And I wonder how many visits I will get to facilitate between these two. I try to chronicle every visit with multiple photographs because I want my son to be able to look back on the supreme love that was all around him from the very beginning. I want him to have photographic generated memories like the ones that I have about my own great Grandmother.
This is one of my favorite photos of me with my Great Grandmother. I rock W in this very rocking chair.
On the drive home (with a quick stop to the pharmacy to get the next refill of baby zantac…sigh) Diana Ross sang a song and asked me if I knew where I was going to. If I liked the things that life was showing me. Every time I hear the Theme from Mahogany I cry a little. Because I never really do know where I am going to. But I will say that I saw a car tag from Rhode Island and that would be nice…
Mother will be away from home for most of this week taking a class on becoming a guardian ad litem, which is a volunteer thing, but something powerful for her to do during this forced down time. It will also probably be nice for us to have a change around here. As crazy as it is to admit- it will be my first real glimpse of single motherhood.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
Its wonderful that you are aware of the effect W has on people other than your grandma…and that you go to visit as often as you do.
Babies can often get even the grumpiest individual to smile a little. I’m sure that all the elderly that live where GM lives love seeing W.
I hope you have a good week on your own.
Oh and I laughed a little at you talking about the pureed food. I’ve worked places before that pureed the food but then sort of arranged it to be about the right shape for what the people were eating. For instance meat loaf was like a square slice. It always looked so strange.
I’m glad he has a fan club (besides the internet one, of course). I always like dressing Elizabeth up when we go out too- otherwise when will she ever wear all that cute stuff?
If single motherhood gets to be too much, drive down here and visit us!
I’m so glad that W can brighten the day of the others in the home. I hope that their families visit them as often as you visit GM. I was never good at visiting my grandparents when they were in a home, and now that they are gone, I really wish that I had. I didn’t grow up close to them, but somehow, I miss them all the same.
It’s nice that W can bring a little joy into a place that is sometimes so sad. To bad your mom couldn’t practice in Canada. At least you wouldn’t have to worry about health care.
Those visits are always hard, but boy, do those ladies light up whenever a baby or a relatively attractive man comes into the unit! My dad always had a fan club on visits to my GM. And there must be something so fundamental about music–almost everything else goes, but the lullabies (and Christmas carols) seem to stay and emerge at just the right moments…
My grandfather died with Alzheimer’s when I was 8 years old. In the summer before his death I went to visit him at the VA hospital every single day. I remember that I was someone who was special to a lot of the people who lived there. It wasn’t often that an 8 year old girl came to visit. And I still to this day remember all the “friends” that I met on days when my Popo didn’t recognize me. They were all special in their own way and I am sure I reminded them of someone in their past when I stopped by. I was old enough to remember and W probably won’t be, but what a great gift to give all of those people. And what a great gift for W as well.
Good luck on the single motherhood thing. Let me know if you need any advice.
(Just kidding of course..)
That’s such a darling picture of you and your great-grandma! I’m glad W is bringing so much joy to all the residents.