Sometimes saying it doesn't make it so
I ebb and flow around feelings of hope and optimism. Most days and weeks I can get my perky on and cheerfully surf the internets for possible job opportunities for our family. I can be kind and supportive of Mother. I can try and keep the house as nice and pleasant as possible.
And then some days I feel crushed or empty. I feel like a fool or a failure. And I completely feel lost within my own little journey of life. I feel angry and annoyed and I look for fights.
What I don’t understand is how I am supposed to make it through this time. And I get so sad and depressed watching the news and seeing that my family’s struggles are not unique. But what the hell are we supposed to do to fix things when all attempts at finding a new job situation fall through? If no one is hiring then how do we crawl out of this?
While I know that I don’t have to be upbeat all of the time, I try. I try to be buoyant for myself and also to help prop Mother up. But right now I am tired of it. I am tired of being cheerleader and seeing no results. It is exhausting.
So that is why I have been kind of quiet over here. I am just sitting within the reality that just because I ask the Universe, or just because we apply for every job (well over 300 now, people), or just because we blanket company’s with resumes and well written cover letters, just because we have people making calls on our behalf- well it doesn’t make it so.
In a few weeks we are going to the state where Mother took her bar exam so that she can do some continuing education type classes to keep her license up to date. That means an 8-10 hour car trip for us.
Any advice or suggestions for making this trip semi pleasant with a 3 month old that HATES his car seat?
Or any advice on keeping optimistic in general?
I still think you should work on a website that showcases your photography. You should also start advertising to shoot weddings for dirt cheap and build up your portfolio. Put up an ad on craig’s list. It can’t hurt. You are a very talented photographer. People are still getting married, despite this horrible recession (the worst in our lifetime).
No advice. Just sending some hugs. I’m sorry it’s been so rough lately.
I’m so sorry *hugs* I feel horrible when I hear about my friends and family going through this. I feel very lucky my husband got a new job after his company went bankrupt. I have to remind myself of that every single day since his new company expects him to work really long hours and we never see him anymore.
Hater of a car seat? If possible, maybe get one of those bigger seats that you can use forward or backward facing. They have a lot more padding and seem to be much more comfortable. As soon as we switched Erik over he went from being a car hater to very content. Not as practical as the baby bucket, but if it makes the trip smoother, maybe worth trying? I don’t know. I’m just sorry for you! I had a car hater as well. Are you able to nurse him while riding? Not comfortable, but it can manage it.
I have no advice, just some hugs.
*smishes* I wish I had some advice (on optimism, or the car ride), but I just have hugs.
Another vote for a different car seat perhaps. Sam seemed to be much more fond of the bigger one than the bucket. Otherwise, time departure just before nap or even bedtime if you’re not opposed to night driving
It’s OK not to be optimistic all the time. The universe won’t punish you if you don’t believe 24/7. You’re allowed to feel like crap, and I’ve always found allowing myself to feel miserable generally leads to my gently talking myself back up to optimisim again.
On the car seat thing: If you don’t already do this, try having the non-driving adult sit in the back seat next to W, so she can entertain him. Also, if W drinks from a bottle, feeding him in his car seat may help distract him. You might also plan the timing of the drive around W’s nap/bedtime schedule so W is likely to spend the maximum amount of time asleep.
On the optimism thing: I’ve got nothing.
hugs. you’re all in my thoughts.
try to travel during his sleepy time so that he can sleep through as much of your trip as possible.
Shit, Calli. Just shit, shit, shit. My optimism waxes and wanes. I’m leaning on the side of wane right now. Good things are afoot (will email ’bout that a bit later), but I’m working on feeling the optimism about it. It’s a struggle.
Sometimes optimism strings you out. It’s tiring to be optimistic when all that happens around you tips the scales on pessimism.
The only advice I have is this, and it probably ain’t what you want to hear – but ride the wave of pessimism and pisstivity for a while. I’ve often found that when I reach my limit of being perkily optimistic in a shitstorm, sometimes it helps just to let my own shit out for a while. It’s like I have this internal flood of shit and it’s held behind a dam of POSITIVE THINKING (!!!). Sometimes the shit gets too deep and rages too angrily, and it gets harder and harder to keep those positive floodgates shut tight. You can feel the shit straining against it, and you get tired. When it gets that bad (and it sounds like you’re there), open the gates and let the shit flow. Give all the sadness and shit a course to run (heh, sounds like “the runs”), but really, that’s probably a good equivalent. You really do feel better when you’ve had a bubbly tummy and you finally stop straining against it and instead “go with the flow.” I think sometimes it works the same way on an emotional level. Just let it out. You’ll empty the space and recharge for the next go round.
If you need someone to unload on, I’m here. (((HUGS)))
After Gabe died, I found myself repeating that “now is not forever”.
I too am here to unload on. I wish that you weren’t so damn hard on yourself for feeling the normal emotions that anyone and everyone would be feeling in your current situation. I agree with Kymberli, sometimes you have to let it out in a safe way. You are so loved and we will always be here to support you when you feel the weight is too much to bear alone. I am keeping you and yours in my thoughts daily – I love you!
I have nothing but sympathy on the job front. There seem to be more jobs in this area than in the one we came from, but it a good long way from where you are.
Definately try the convertible carseat. It makes a lot of babies a lot happier.
Hopefully, the long ride will soothe him to sleep. Elizabeth slept the entire way to your house and it took us four hours.
I like niobe’s advice and will add this- we found that if we crack open the window next to Miles, the loud constant noise lulls him to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. We also have bottles ready for the non-driver to give him if necessary, and toys/mirrors hanging from the car seat handle to distract him. Singing helps, too.
Oh, sweetie. If you find the key to optimism during these times, please let me know. It just sickens me that there are no jobs for super-qualified people. My wife and I are in the same situation, and it’s just so hard to deal with the constant let-downs. I so hope something happens soon on the job front.
As for the car trip, I don’t think I have any advice, but it looks like you’ve got some good tips above. Good luck with it! xoxo
What about getting one of those carseat toy things? They have some that attaches in between the handles to keep his attention?
I don’t know much about optimism, I’m a pessimist in general. Sorry.
It’s a really, really hard time. So if you feel crappy in a crappy situation, I think that just makes sense. I’m really thankful that despite all of the terrible stuff on the job front you have your sweet, sweet W.
Also, seriously, how’s that book proposal coming? You could write one hell of a memoir. And then when the movie rights sell…
I’m sorry you are having a rough time.
It’s amazing how many talented, experienced people are out of work right now. Scary times. I will be praying for you guys.
Oh, wow, hating the car seat, I don’t know anything about that. If he were older I’d say DVDs, or snacks, or toys, or drugs. But for a little baby I have no idea! Mine always slept in the car.
My dad’s in the same position with the job stuff so I know how miserable it is.
Cali, you’ll probably want to throw something at me when I say this. But it really did help. After my failed IVF (which turned out to be my only IVF, thanks to endo-fucking-metriosis), I was almost suicidally depressed. My bishop at church had me fast for 24 hours (which you can’t do, obviously), and then close the fast with a prayer where I didn’t ask for anything, but just thanked God for all my blessings. It’s probably a miracle that I didn’t show him my middle finger when he told me to give that a try, but it made a huge difference. I was able to separate my pain from the good things in life, and see that there were still good things in my life. Obviously that didn’t make me forever blissed, but it got me through that horribly rough time.
And the other thing that really helped was keeping a gratitude journal. Just every day writing down a list of 3 to 5 things that made me happy or feel like life is worthwhile pretty quickly gave me something that I could go back and read through when life wasn’t feeling worthwhile.
It’s a tough time out there for job-hunters, and I work in collections (QA thank heavens), so I hear people every day who are suffering from this shitty economy. Your whole family are in my prayers, and you can e-mail me any time you need a shoulder.
love you!!
I’d give you advice but I’m pretty sure I just came off of my depressed quasi homi-sui-cidal phase myself.
I like the idea of you advertising your mad photography skilz!
And on the road trip, can’t Mom take her CE classes online? Sure would save a lot of hassle factor! I know you’re her biggest support, but a long road trip sounds pretty arduous.
I’m very devastated by the number of people I know who are out of work and have been for a LONG while now! What’s most disturbing is how they never seem to get any response when answering ads! It’s rough all over and I don’t like it!
Hugs to all from AZ.